Spirit of the Home: How to make your home a sanctuary. Jane Alexander
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One slight word of warning before you begin. Most people will find no problem at all with these exercises – they will simply be fun and, I hope, very illuminating. However, it may be that your early experiences of home were not happy and that revisiting them could cause painful thoughts and memories to resurface. If you know you had an unhappy childhood or suspect you might have done, it would be advisable for you to work through these exercises with a trained psychotherapist or hypnotherapist. Equally if, when you start working this way, you find that uncomfortable feelings or memories emerge, I would strongly urge you find a qualified professional whom you trust and talk through what comes up.
YOUR FIRST HOME
As we’ve already discussed, your childhood home can have an enormous effect on your entire life – particularly on your attitude towards home. So we’ll start right at the beginning.
We’re going on a journey back in time. It should last as long as you feel comfortable with it, but no longer than 20 minutes. Our first port of call is to the most important home of your childhood. This may be your very first home; at least the first one you can remember – or it could be the one in which you spent the most time as a child. It should be the ‘major’ home of your young years. This first exercise will put you into a state of deep relaxation. If you don’t feel comfortable with this, cut out the instructions for going down the flight of stairs and simply use your memory and imagination in a full state of consciousness.
If you are fully awake you can note down your thoughts and feelings in your journal. If you are keeping your eyes closed you may find it helpful to use a tape recorder, or have a friend ask you the questions and note your responses. If you would like, you can take your guardian angel or spirit with you on your journey.
1 Settle back and make yourself comfortable. Close your eyes and focus again on your breathing. Breathe softly but deeply, gently slowing down your breathing to a comfortable rhythm. Check through your body to make sure you are as relaxed as possible. Now imagine you are standing in front of a short flight of stairs. You are going to walk down the stairs, one at a time, counting slowly from one to ten. As you walk you are aware that you are going down deeper into the past, down into your childhood, down to the house you used to live in, down, down and down. Count each step as you go, reminding yourself, ‘one, going down,’ ‘two, going deeper down’ … until you are right deep down at ten. Before you is a door. The door looks familiar because it is the front door of your first real home. Look at the door and recognize it – the colour, the material, the knocker, maybe the number? Slowly the door opens and you walk through.
2 You are now in your childhood home. Is it the one you were expecting or somewhere else? Take your time to get your bearings. The front door is behind you so now look and see what lies ahead. Walk around this place. Go into every room and remember what it was like: how was it decorated? What colours were there? What was the furniture like? What could you see out of the window? What did you do in that room? Was it one you went into often or rarely, or not at all? Who used that room? What was the feeling of the room? Go round the whole place like this, remembering, recording. With this process you will find you remember extraordinary details about this home – details you had quite forgotten.
3 Where were your special places in the house? Where was your bedroom and what was it like? See yourself in your room – what are you doing? Did you have a special place to play, to read, to dream? Was it a secret place, a corner? Where was it? See yourself there: what are you doing; how do you feel?
4 Where was the heart of your home? Which room or part of a room encapsulated the soul of the house? Stand there and wait a moment while you connect to how you feel. What are your feelings towards this place? What emotions does it raise? Were you happy there?
5 Can you connect with the spirit of that house? What is it/he/she like? How did the house feel about your family? Ask the spirit of the house for the house’s impressions of your time there. Ask the spirit for any useful insights into this early house. What key words would you use to describe this house? What colour do you associate with it? What smell or scent? What name would you give the house?
6 Are there any elements of this childhood home which make you feel nostalgic? Is there anything there you would love to incorporate into your present home – whether something in the physical structure, the furniture or furnishings or a feeling or mood? Is there anything you dislike, which makes you feel uncomfortable? What don’t you like about the house?
This is quite enough for your first trip back in time so say goodbye to the house and thank the spirit of the house for helping you. Make your way back to the front door and gently open it. Before you is the short flight of steps, as before. Step out and start walking up to the first one as the door closes gently behind you. Count from ten to one as you go up the steps, up towards a light which you know is your home in the here and now. As you go up you feel yourself becoming more and more awake, more and more aware of the world around you. You are feeling relaxed and yet full of energy. Up and up, more and more aware, hearing the everyday noises around you, feeling your weight, sitting on the chair. One – and you’re back in your room, fully awake, fully aware. Open your eyes and stretch.
Spend some time thinking about what you saw, heard, smelt, felt. Record it all in your journal. Or talk it over with your friend and then make notes in your journal. Were there any surprises?
RETURNING HOME
Now you know this process you can use it whenever you want to revisit your childhood home to find out more information. Remember always to record your observations.
As you become used to the process you might like to ask yourself and the house some extra questions:
If you were old enough, did your friends come round to play at your house? Or did you spend most of your time at their houses? If so, why?
Were there any rooms you don’t remember? Do you know why?
Did you ever have nightmares? Did you ever see anything strange – spirits, ghosts?
Were you able to be on your own or did you have to share space with others most of the time?
Was your home a happy place for children? Were you able to play and be yourself or did you have to be ‘careful of the furniture’? Were you forbidden to touch certain things or to go into certain rooms?
What features of the house or objects in it fascinated you? Can you remember ornaments?
Try to recall key pieces of furniture. The table you ate on, the cooker, the sofa, the television, your bed, the bath, anything else. Which were the most important objects in your home?
Finally, to complete the picture, think about the other places of your childhood. Were there any houses you really loved? Whom did they belong to (grandparents, relatives, friends, neighbours)? What did you love about them? What particular aspects or atmospheres drew you to them?
DRAWING HOME
Now you have a pretty full picture of your childhood home. But to make it even more complete, use your subconscious in a different way. Take out a piece of plain paper and spread it out in front of you. Lay out your coloured pens, paints or crayons. Now draw or paint your home in whatever way you like. Let your intuition guide you: pick up the colours that feel right, use whatever method you choose. It doesn’t have to be a graphic representation – it could be simply colours and shapes. You could try representing the outside of the house, an interior or simply the mood of the house.
Do as many paintings or drawings as you like. What do you notice about them? Are the colours bright, pastel or dark? Do you use soft, rounded shapes and edges or harsh, blunt ones? What feelings do your pictures arouse in you? If you can’t understand your painting, try talking to it. Imagine it can answer your questions and put questions back to you. This isn’t madness; it’s a recognized technique in art therapy and may give you some surprising insights. Now draw the spirit of your house. What is it/he/she saying to you?
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