M.O.E.. Linda Blum
Читать онлайн книгу.
“The problem is that it was pretty obvious that something was bothering you last night, we all noticed this so Rick isn’t going to let this go.”
Hope breathed a heavy sigh. Now what was she supposed to do. Then a thought quickly came to her.
“I just got my period today,” she said excitedly.
Judy gave her a strange look. “And this is good news?”
“No, but I can blame my mood on this,” Hope said. “Men always think that a women’s period is the cause of all our problems. Why do you think they always ask if a woman is on the rag when she is in a pissy mood?”
“True,” Judy agreed. “But do you think he’ll buy it?”
“I hope so.”
Judy left an optimistic Hope and decided to stop by her home. When she entered the house, Sam came bounding towards her. The dog greeted her with a crotch sniff then headed for the back door where she whined by her leash.
“I guess this means you want to go for a walk.” Judy surmised as she grabbed her coat and mitts.
Sam tilted her head as she spoke.
Judy attached her leash and they headed out the door.
Along the walk, Judy thought about the Jonathan situation. She couldn’t believe he used energy to coerce people into doing what he wanted. The thought disgusted her. What bothered her even more was what he had done to Hope. Now her friend was riddled with guilt when she shouldn’t be.
The dog must have picked up her agitated mood because she was acting strange. She was sniffing everything, as well as eating anything she came across, which was unusual.
Things got worse when Judy decided to take a short cut. They were in the middle of the convenience store parking lot when Sam decided to throw up everything she had eaten along the way, leaving a huge pile of steaming barf. Of course, there had to be a crowd of young kids mulling around the store to witness the event. They began making barfing sounds as she walked by. Then to make matters worse a car pulled into the lot at an alarming speed and ran right over the pile, which sprayed the driver’s side window. When the driver slammed on his brakes and jumped out, Judy hightailed it out of there. Unfortunately, she didn’t get away unnoticed as the crowd of spectators ratted her out and the man shouted at her as she ran away.
Judy was out of breath and her sides hurt from running by the time she got home. The phone was ringing when she entered.
“Hello,” she said slightly breathless.
“Hi Judy, its Grandma.”
Judy could hear sadness in her voice and could sense that something was wrong.
“Grandma is everything all right?”
“No,” she sniffed. “Uncle Leo is dead.”
The news shocked Judy. Uncle Leo wasn’t that old.
“What happened?” Judy asked.
Grandma explained that Leo was found dead in his bed with a woman, who she was assuming was Myrna.
Leo was fifty years old, overweight, bald, blind as a bat, and women loved him. Rumour had it, he was a very well endowed and that’s what kept the ladies coming back.
“I guess he died a happy man,” Judy cringed at the thought.
“He was so happy that he died with a smile on his face and a stiffy. I heard the mortician is trying to wipe the smile off, as well as make him go limp.”
Judy had to refrain from laughing.
“When is the funeral?” Judy asked.
“The viewing is tonight at seven. He is being laid out at Morty’s.” Grandma replied.
“I’ll be there.”
Grandma Nora gave Judy a list of relatives to call to let them know about Leo’s death. After she hung up with her grandma, Judy thought about her uncle. She never really knew him that well, but had heard the rumours about him. Supposedly, in his younger years he was a male stripper and had slept with hundreds of women. If this were true, he would put some rock stars to shame with the number of women he bonked.
Judy was almost finished calling the people on her list, when Ren came home. While Judy told him the news about her uncle, she noticed Ren trying to hold back his laughter. It wasn’t long before he let it go.
“Are you done?” Judy asked once his joviality died down.
Ren wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry Jude.”
Judy had to admit his death was kind of funny, in a weird way.
“I hope I die like that,” Ren chuckled.
“With your luck, I’ll be on top of you and we’ll die together, but they won’t be able to pry us apart, so they’ll have to bury us together.”
Ren thought about it for a moment before commenting.
“That wouldn’t be bad,” he said. “We’ll make a grand entrance into the afterlife while having some fun.”
When Jay came home from school, Judy told him the news about his great uncle.
“Can I go with you to the funeral home?” Jay asked.
Judy was hesitant about letting him go since he was having a hard time with her uncle’s death.
“I don’t know Jay.”
“Please, I’ll be good,” he proclaimed.
“I’m not worried about that,” Judy said.
Judy still wasn’t sure, so she discussed this with Ren. Ren thought due to the nature of Leo’s death it would be better if Jay didn’t go. Jay grumbled about it, but in the end accepted their decision.
Judy had a few more calls to make, one being her friend Hope. Hope was sad to hear of Leo’s passing, but was grossed out to think that her aunt Myrna was the cause of his death. Since her aunt had been dating Judy’s uncle, she assumed she was the woman that had been in his bed.
“I hope Aunt Myrna is all right?” Hope said.
“You should call her,” Judy suggested.
“No.” Hope shuddered at the thought. “I wouldn’t know what I’d say.”
“I guess you’re right,” Judy said, “She might be embarrassed.”
“What funeral home will Leo be at?” Hope asked, opting to change the subject.
“Morty’s,” Judy replied.
Hope chuckled. “The place sounds more like a bar than a funeral home.”
“I know,” Judy agreed. “Uncle Leo and Morty have been friends for years, so it only seemed natural that Morty would be the one to take care of things.”
After Judy hung up with Hope, she began to get ready. Her thoughts turned to her uncle. She just hoped that tonight would go smoothly and no mayhem occurred.
Chapter 6
The parking lot was full when they arrived at Morty’s. Hope and Rick pulled in the same time as Judy and Ren, so they went in together. The place was wall-to-wall people when they entered. When Judy looked around, she noted most of the mourners were women, making Judy wonder if these ladies were her uncle’s mistresses.
Entering further into the room, she felt a mix of emotions and tried to protect herself. As she advanced towards the casket, she was surprised by what she saw. Uncle Leo was laid out in a plain pine casket with messages written all over it. Judy walked up to it and read the inscriptions: You lucky dog, What a way to go, You’re the man, At least you left this earthly plain with smile on your face. There were a few reserved passages, but not many. Below all the