The Second Cat Megapack. George Zebrowski
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“It is the man’s part,” responded Madame Vic, “to make the best of such matters. In the eyes of all right-minded women her conduct has been of a shamelessness from first to last: tossing and balancing the two of them for months upon months; luring them, and countless others with them, to her feet; declaring always that for her disgusting cat’s sake she will have none of them; and ending by pretending brazenly that for her cat’s sake she bestows herself—second-hand remnant that she is—on the handsomest man for his age, concerning his character it is well to be silent; that she could find for herself in all Marseille! On such actions, on such a woman, Monsieur, the saints in heaven look down with an agonized scorn!”
“Only those of the saints, Madame,” said Monsieur Fromagin, warmly taking up the cudgels for his best customer, “as in the matter of second marriages, prior to their arrival in heaven, have had regrettable experiences. Equally, I venture to assert, a like qualification applies to a like attitude on earth. That Madame has her prejudices, incident to her misfortunes, is known.”
“That Monsieur has his brutalities, incident to his regrettable bad breeding, also is known. His present offensiveness, however, passes all limits. I request him to remove himself from my sight.” Madame Vic spoke with dignity.
Speaking with less dignity, but with conviction—as Monsieur Fromagin left the bakery—she added: “Monsieur, effectively, is a camel! I bestow upon him my disdain!”
THE CAT THAT WALKED BY HIMSELF, by Rudyard Kipling
Hear and attend and listen: for this befell and behappened and became and was, O my Best Beloved, when the Tame animals were wild. The Dog was wild, and the Horse was wild, and the Cow was wild, and the Sheep was wild, and the Pig was wild—as wild as wild could be—and they walked in the Wet Wild Woods by their wild lones. But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him.
Of course the Man was wild too. He was dreadfully wild. He didn’t even begin to be tame till he met the Woman, and she told him that she did not like living in his wild ways. She picked out a nice dry Cave, instead of a heap of wet leaves, to lie down in; and she strewed clean sand on the floor; and she lit a nice fire of wood at the back of the Cave; and she hung a dried wild-horse skin, tail-down, across the opening of the Cave; and she said, “Wipe your feet, dear, when you come in, and now we’ll keep house.”
That night, Best Beloved, they ate wild sheep roasted on the hot stones, and flavored with wild garlic and wild pepper; and wild duck stuffed with wild rice and wild fenugreek and wild coriander; and marrow-bones of wild oxen; and wild cherries, and wild grenadillas. Then the Man went to sleep in front of the fire ever so happy; but the Woman sat up, combing her hair. She took the bone of the shoulder of mutton—the big fat blade-bone—and she looked at the wonderful marks on it, and she threw more wood on the fire, and she made a Magic. She made the First Singing Magic in the world.
Out in the Wet Wild Woods all the wild animals gathered together where they could see the light of the fire a long way off, and they wondered what it meant.
Then Wild Horse stamped with his wild foot and said, “O my Friends and O my Enemies, why have the Man and the Woman made that great light in that great Cave, and what harm will it do us?”
Wild Dog lifted up his wild nose and smelled the smell of roast mutton, and said, “I will go up and see and look, and say; for I think it is good. Cat, come with me.”
“Nenni!” said the Cat. “I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me. I will not come.”
“Then we can never be friends again,” said Wild Dog, and he trotted off to the Cave. But when he had gone a little way the Cat said to himself, “All places are alike to me. Why should I not go too and see and look and come away at my own liking.” So he slipped after Wild Dog softly, very softly, and hid himself where he could hear everything.
When Wild Dog reached the mouth of the Cave he lifted up the dried horse-skin with his nose and sniffed the beautiful smell of the roast mutton, and the Woman, looking at the blade-bone, heard him, and laughed, and said, “Here comes the first. Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, what do you want?”
Wild Dog said, “O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, what is this that smells so good in the Wild Woods?”
Then the Woman picked up a roasted mutton-bone and threw it to Wild Dog, and said, “Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, taste and try.” Wild Dog gnawed the bone, and it was more delicious than anything he had ever tasted, and he said, “O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, give me another.”
The Woman said, “Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, help my Man to hunt through the day and guard this Cave at night, and I will give you as many roast bones as you need.”
“Ah!” said the Cat, listening. “This is a very wise Woman, but she is not so wise as I am.”
Wild Dog crawled into the Cave and laid his head on the Woman’s lap, and said, “O my Friend and Wife of my Friend, I will help Your Man to hunt through the day, and at night I will guard your Cave.”
“Ah!” said the Cat, listening. “That is a very foolish Dog.” And he went back through the Wet Wild Woods waving his wild tail, and walking by his wild lone. But he never told anybody.
When the Man waked up he said, “What is Wild Dog doing here?” And the Woman said, “His name is not Wild Dog any more, but the First Friend, because he will be our friend for always and always and always. Take him with you when you go hunting.”
Next night the Woman cut great green armfuls of fresh grass from the water-meadows, and dried it before the fire, so that it smelt like new-mown hay, and she sat at the mouth of the Cave and plaited a halter out of horse-hide, and she looked at the shoulder of mutton-bone—at the big broad blade-bone—and she made a Magic. She made the Second Singing Magic in the world.
Out in the Wild Woods all the wild animals wondered what had happened to Wild Dog, and at last Wild Horse stamped with his foot and said, “I will go and see and say why Wild Dog has not returned. Cat, come with me.”
“Nenni!” said the Cat. “I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me. I will not come.” But all the same he followed Wild Horse softly, very softly, and hid himself where he could hear everything.
When the Woman heard Wild Horse tripping and stumbling on his long mane, she laughed and said, “Here comes the second. Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods what do you want?”
Wild Horse said, “O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, where is Wild Dog?”
The Woman laughed, and picked up the blade-bone and looked at it, and said, “Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, you did not come here for Wild Dog, but for the sake of this good grass.”
And Wild Horse, tripping and stumbling on his long mane, said, “That is true; give it me to eat.”
The Woman said, “Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, bend your wild head and wear what I give you, and you shall eat the wonderful grass three times a day.”
“Ah,” said the Cat, listening, “this is a clever Woman, but she is not so clever as I am.” Wild Horse bent his wild head, and the Woman slipped the plaited hide halter over it, and Wild Horse breathed on the Woman’s feet and said, “O my Mistress, and Wife of my Master, I will be your servant for the sake of the wonderful grass.”
“Ah,” said the Cat, listening, “that is a very foolish Horse.” And he went back through the Wet Wild Woods, waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone. But he never told anybody.
When the Man and the Dog came back from hunting, the Man said, “What is Wild Horse doing here?” And the Woman said, “His name is not Wild Horse any more, but the First Servant, because he will carry us from place to place for always and always and always. Ride on his back when you go hunting.”
Next day, holding her wild head high that her wild horns should not catch in the wild trees, Wild Cow came up to the Cave, and