The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison
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is sooooo cool. He walked me home and then, when we got to the door, he gave me a really nice kiss on the cheek. His lips are really soft and he smells nice, not like my brother. He asked for my phone number – do you think he will call? What day do you think he will call?
It’s Monday today and I saw him on Friday so that is three days already. I’d call tonight if I was him, wouldn’t you? Should I say yes to any day he says for a date? Or if he says Friday should I say, “Oh, sorry, I’m busy that night, and then when he says “ What about Saturday?” I can say “Oh, yeah, Saturday would be cool.” What do you think? Or do you think he might think I’m putting him of f if I say I’m busy on Friday, so I should say yes to any day he says? Please reply quickly.
TTFN.
I’ve given her my worst look but she keeps sending things. I am not interested in any of the prat family Jennings.
4:00 p.m.
Sadly it makes no difference to Jas whether I am interested or not. All the way home she was telling me what Tom said or did. The more I hear about him the less I think Jas should have to do with him. All right, maybe I am being unfair and bitter, but she is my best friend and should do everything I say...
Tom wants to go into the fruit and veg business. Oh, how fascinating... Jas thinks it is.
“I think it’s great that he’s young but he knows where he is going.”
I said brightly, “Yes, you’d never be short of potatoes.”
Eventually even Jas noticed that I wasn’t so keen. She looked a bit confused and said, “I thought you liked him.”
I didn’t say anything. All I could think of was his brother looking down at me and sort of sneering. Jas went on, “Don’t you think I should go out with him?”
I still didn’t say anything.
She said it again. “So you don’t think I should go out with him?”
I was all enigmatic, which is not easy in a beret.
11:30 p.m.
I am a facsimile of a sham of a fax of a person. And I have a date with a professional snogger.
Midnight
Angus has eaten some of Mum’s knickers. She says he’ll have to go. Why can’t she go, and Dad go? Or am I being unreasonable?
Thursday October 15th
Noon
Slim has put a ban on levitation. She made an announcement in assembly this morning. She was all shaky and jelly-like, her jowls were bouncing around like anything. Anyway, she said, “This school is like the back streets of Haiti. It must stop forthwith. Any girl found practising levitation will face the gravest consequences. I, for one, would not like to be in that girl’s shoes.”
I whispered to Ellen, “She wouldn’t get in any girl’s shoes. How much do you think each leg weighs? Imagine the size of her knickers... you could probably get two duvets out of them.”
Then we got the eagle eye from Hawkeye for giggling.
2:00 p.m.
I feel like killing something. If I was that sort of person I’d scare a first former, as it is I will have to content myself with hiding Nauseating P. Green’s pencil case.
3:00 p.m.
On my way to the science block I saw Lindsay. How wet can you be? She really is Mrs Wet. She has the wettest haircut known to humanity – all curled under at the bottom. I saw her legs in hockey and they are really spindly. Little spindly legs like she has been in a wheelchair and not been walking for years, and also when she is concentrating she wears big goggly glasses like Deirdre Barlow. I bet she keeps those well hidden when she goes out with Pratboy. Oh, hell’s teeth, it’s my “date” in four hours. The horrible thing is that I don’t want to go. I just don’t. There’s nothing wrong with him or anything. I just can’t be bothered somehow.
My bedroom
Midnight
I wish I’d never started this snogging business. I feel like I’ve been attacked by whelks. I can’t see Peter any more. Why is he so keen on me, anyway? I haven’t had a chance to say more than, “Er, what are you doing at GCSE...?” before I’m attacked by the whelks again. I can’t go out with him any more. How can I tell him, though?
1:00 a.m.
I’ll make Jas do it.
Friday October 16th
9:00 p.m.
What a week!
I got Jas to dump Peter for me. I said for her to let him down gently, so she told him that I had a personal problem. He asked what, and she said that I thought I was a lesbian. Cheers, Jas.
Monday October 19th
4:00 p.m.
It’s all round school that I’m a lesbian. In games we were in the changing room and Miss Stamp came in to change out of her gear. Suddenly everyone had disappeared, leaving me on my own with her. She really has got a moustache. Does she not notice?
Friday October 23rd
8:00 p.m.
Tom phoned Jas and they’re going on a “date” to watch Robbie’s band. The band is called The Stiff Dylans. I bet it’s crap. I bet it’s merde. I bet it’s double merde.
Mum and Dad were talking in the kitchen and when I came in they stopped and looked all shifty. Don’t get me wrong, I like it when they shut up when I come in, well I would like it if it had ever happened before. Mum said, “Have you ever thought you’d like to see a bit more of the world, Gee?” and I said, “If you’re thinking of trying to persuade me to visit Auntie Kath in Blackpool for Christmas, you can forget it.”
I can be hilariously cutting when I try.
10:00 p.m.
No matter from what angle you look at it, I do have a huge, squishy nose.
I wonder if Mum would pay for me to have plastic surgery...? If I went to the doctor and said it was psychologically damaging, to the extent that I couldn’t go out or do my homework, I wonder if I could have it done on the NHS?
Then I remember to have a reality check... I don’t have the George Clooney-type doctor from ER – the caring, incredibly good-looking face of medicine. I’ve got Dr Wallace, the incredibly fat, red, uncaring face of medicine. It’s hard enough getting an aspirin out of him when you’ve got flu.
11:00 p.m.
Jas rang. She had a great time with Tom.
“Did he bring you a present, a bunch of leeks or something?” I asked meanly but Jas refused to come down from cloud nine.
She said, “No, but he’s a brilliant dancer. The Stiff Dylans were ace. Robbie is a cool singer.”
I had to ask in a masochistic way. “Was Lindsay there?”
Jas said, “Yes, she was, she’s quite nice really, she had her hair up.”
I was furious with Jas for being so disloyal and said, “Oh, it’s nice that you’ve made new friends. I can’t help thinking though, that as Lindsay’s BEST friend you could advise her that people with massive ears should not wear their hair up.”
I put the phone down on her.
Midnight
Qu-est ce que le point?
Monday October 26th
7:00 p.m.
I’ve been ignoring Jas. It’s tiring, but someone has to do it.
Thursday October 29th
5:00