Family Of Convenience. Victoria Austin W.
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“I’m fine now, Adam. I just sat down too fast.”
His lips twitched, but Adam didn’t point out that she had done a bit more than sit too fast. He stood and headed for his own chair. He positioned it across from her, moving it slightly closer than it had been before. Adam sat, looking at the floor for several never-ending seconds. One of the things Millie liked the most about Adam was his predictability and tendency to do things in a routine manner. But this felt anything but predictable or routine.
Adam breathed out a long, audible breath. Her own breath caught in her throat when he lifted his head and looked at her.
* * *
Knowing what he wanted and making it happen had never been a problem for Adam. He wasn’t afraid of hard work. He wasn’t even intimidated by the prospect of waiting for results. No. He could work and be patient. Deal with setbacks. Adam’s life had been one big exercise in following those principles and getting results.
Until now.
Adam wasn’t dealing with uncultivated land, a struggling seedling or a wild animal.
This was a relationship with a woman. His wife. And he had no idea how to build the relationship he wanted with her. Adam usually trusted his instincts, but they had led him wrong down this very same road. Not that long ago, either.
So here he was. Sitting in front of a fire with the woman he had married. Two people rocking because it was the polite thing to do, both wanting to get up and run far away.
Millie was turning out to be an excellent mother for his children. Truly, he could not imagine a woman caring for Caty and Genie any better than she did. More than caring for them, she was nurturing them. Loving them even. But, Adam wanted more.
He wanted a partner. He wanted to be part of the cozy little family Millie was creating inside the house he’d built. Adam wasn’t looking for romantic love, but the fields that used to bring him joy were starting to feel like banishment.
He actually found himself wishing Millie was with him throughout the day, or that he could go to her without feeling like he was intruding. He wanted another adult to share his life with. Their life. Once he realized what he wanted, he was willing to do what it took to make more happen. If only he knew what to do.
“Are you happy, Millie?”
She stopped rocking, and seemed to almost freeze. Apparently, he had a talent for catching this woman so off guard that she turned into a statue. That wasn’t a talent Adam relished, but it seemed about right given his relationship with women in general.
“Uh, Millie?” He sounded foolish, but what else was he supposed to say?
Millie closed her mouth and blinked, and Adam felt the pressure in his chest lessen as she came back to life. She blushed, and Adam tried not to notice how pretty it looked on her cheeks.
“Am I happy? I don’t understand.”
The bewildered tone made Adam’s heart ache. She sounded absolutely stunned that her husband would care about her happiness. Had nothing in her life led her to expect that her happiness would be a concern? Of importance?
Adam leaned farther forward, resting his forearms on the tops of his thighs. They had been living as strangers for a month. It had gone nicely, too. But, he wanted more than that for his children, including the one currently growing in Millie’s womb. Not love. No, Adam had learned that lesson well. But, friendship. Companionship. A sense of shared purpose surely wasn’t too much to ask for, was it? That was the goal, and Adam was ready to do the work.
“It’s been a month. I just want to know how you feel about things here. Are you happy with the house? The children? Your day-to-day life?” With me? He didn’t say the last part, but Adam’s heart whispered it.
“I’m happy here?”
“That sounded more like a question than a reply. There isn’t a right answer. I know things have been overwhelming. You left the city and came to a new state. You came to a new house. You’re living with three strangers, two of whom are children.”
Millie’s eyes were wide and fearful. She had scooted forward in her rocking chair and was perched on the edge, almost as though she was preparing to flee. If Adam’s goal was to put Millie at ease around him, he was failing.
“I’m messing this up.” No need to hide it, his inability to have a simple conversation with his wife was completely and utterly obvious. “It’s not a test. I’m not angry or upset with you—and I won’t be, no matter what you tell me. If you’re not happy, I want to know so that I can try to fix it. We’re married, and I want us both to work together to build a good life. For Caty and Genie. And the baby. That child you’re carrying is mine. In every way that counts, that child will be mine to love and care for and provide for. And, I’m excited. I want to share in every moment.”
Statue Millie was back. Well, at least statues couldn’t run away.
“But, it’s not just about the children. It’s also for us. We count, too. I want both of us to be happy. I believe we still agree that we don’t want a romantic relationship. But, I feel like we are still strangers. We’ve lived together as a family for a month, and you and I don’t know each other.” Adam swallowed and looked at his hands. Might as well say it all. It certainly couldn’t make things more awkward. “I get lonely sometimes. I’d like to know you as a friend. Not as the nice woman living in my house and caring for my children who is practically a stranger.”
“Um, okay.”
Yeah, her mouth might have agreed with his proposal, but her tone certainly didn’t. And neither did the way she was still perched on the edge of that chair like she was ready to bolt at any moment. But, Adam would take what he could get. Go slow. Easy.
The Adam of years ago would never have put himself in such a position. No. That Adam had assumed that such work was unnecessary to sustain a strong marriage. Once married, a husband and a wife were one until death they did part. Why put energy into such a relationship? It was a foregone conclusion that the other person would be there.
Until it wasn’t. His first wife had proven with tragic competency that Adam couldn’t just assume Millie would stay and keep up her end of the bargain if she was unhappy.
Adam felt like this conversation was a foot deep in the thickest mud the prairie had to offer. But, he’d wanted to go down this road, so now was the time to follow through. “Great.”
They sat and stared at each other for several long seconds. Not great.
“Did your friend get all moved out?”
Adam blinked at the abrupt question. He knew their prior conversation about drought had made Millie uneasy, so he was surprised that she chose that topic. But she was trying, and Adam wasn’t about to cut her off.
“Yes, he and his wife should arrive in Kansas City by the end of next week. I hope they’ll get settled quickly. And be happy.”
“I’ve been praying for them.”
Adam stopped rocking at her words. Then, he made himself resume. That was probably the most personal thing Millie had ever said to him, but he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. More than anything, he wanted things to feel natural between them. Normal.
Adam hadn’t felt at ease and normal in this house for years. Not since the day he’d come home to find Sarah’s note that she was leaving him. But, he remembered his parents, who had always had a solid, stable marriage. They’d spent hours talking in the evenings. It had just been a part of his childhood. A good one.
“That’s nice. I’m also praying for them. Starting over won’t be easy, and I hope they find everything they’re looking for.”
“You pray, too?” She sounded surprised. “I mean, I know you pray for us before meals, obviously, and in church on Sundays, but you pray other times, too?”
Adam felt the ground steady beneath him. “Yes.