Family Of Convenience. Victoria Austin W.
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her story. She hadn’t told him any of it herself, though, either in the letter she had sent him or in the brief conversations they’d had since her arrival. No, the people who had facilitated their marriage had filled Adam in on those details.
Was Millie aware that Adam knew those details? Maybe. But, it still felt too intimate to bring them up. Those weeks after her husband had died must have been terrifying.
“I’m glad. My faith has helped me through a number of hard times. I’m glad yours has done the same for you.”
“It has.” Millie was rocking steadily, looking into the fire. This silence still felt charged, but not so much as before. Progress.
Millie kept rocking, but her hands were fidgeting in her lap, fingers twisting and intertwining. “Will you tell me about drought?”
He managed to stop his head halfway through its rapid jerk in her direction. Her body was screaming that asking the question had been hard and awkward for her and that she feared his reaction—but he could tell that she feared drought more, and wanted answers. It didn’t take a genius to pick up on the fact that Millie worried about the future. A lot. That seemed fairly rational given what she had been through.
Adam had done his best to reassure her that he would take care of her and their family. But, Millie was still visibly concerned about being secure long-term. He understood that, given that she had recently found herself pregnant and homeless. But, it still kind of rankled. Even if he died tomorrow, he wasn’t the type of man to leave his family alone and unprotected. There were provisions in place.
“I’m not sure what you want to know, Millie. I mean, we haven’t been getting enough rain. Without rain, the crops aren’t getting any water. And they need water to grow.”
“So all those crops are going to die? I mean, there’s nothing you can do?”
Adam considered her question. Tried to give it respect and treat it seriously. “I don’t know. I don’t think all the crops will die. I sure hope not. But, when it comes to life in general and farming in particular, nothing is certain.”
“When will you know?”
Adam breathed out long and slow. He’d wanted a conversation and now he was getting one. “There’s not a clear answer to that. We’ve had some rain, so the situation isn’t dire. Just not as much rain as I’d like. The crops are okay for now, but there’s not a lot of margin if that little bit of rain dries up. So, we just have to wait and see.”
Millie looked down at her hands in her lap. She was still rocking. Still twisting her fingers as though she could pull answers or solace or whatever she was looking for there. “What about the cattle? They need water, too. Is this drought bad for them?”
“It’s not ideal, but the cattle can handle the lack of water better than the crops. The ponds haven’t dried up, yet, so that’s good. And, if it comes down to it, like last year, I can sell the nonessential cattle and take the rest to where there is water.”
“That’s what you did last year?”
“Yes. And we were okay.”
“Did you have to use all your savings last year? Like that family that moved away? Do you have any left?”
His savings? Was she that concerned about his ability to provide? Did she really doubt him that much? Adam clenched his jaw so hard it began to ache. What would it take for his wife to simply trust that he could be a good husband and father? He’d been trying so hard, but it still wasn’t enough.
This conversation was a bad idea.
Option 1: All the crops die. We still have the cattle. Things are lean, but we are fine. We still have shelter and food. But what about next year?
Option 2: The crops die. The cattle die. We use all of Adam’s savings. Things are lean, but we are fine. We still have shelter and food. But what about next year?
Option 3: The crops die. The cattle die. Adam’s savings are not enough and we lose the land. Adam can get a job in the city to support us?
Option 4: The crops die. The cattle die. Adam’s savings are not enough and we lose the land. Adam refuses to move to the city?
Millie usually used the time right after she woke up to map out the day. Today, though, she’d felt compelled to list possible scenarios. That was a mistake. Millie should have stuck to her to-do lists. At least then, she was in charge. She did things and she crossed them off and she went to bed at night knowing she had accomplished something. But, no. She’d had to work through the worst that could happen—and terrify herself in the process.
How did she expect it was going to end? If life had taught Millie one thing, it was that the worst could indeed happen. Their crops were going to die. Millie was going to end up homeless again. Homeless and pregnant and alone. Millie pushed away from the table where she had been writing in her notebook. Moving to her bedroom, she pulled out her suitcase. Placed it on the bed. Opened her chest drawer and grabbed a handful of clothes.
Froze.
What was she doing? Packing? Running away?
Where would she go?
And, what would she end up leaving behind?
Still clutching the clothes in her hand, Millie sank down into her rocking chair. Buried her face into the cloth she was gripping for dear life. Sucked in a shaky breath and pressed against her eyes that suddenly felt like they were on fire.
She could feel the beat of her heart, pounding in her chest. She felt the sting of tears. The tightness of her throat.
Millie felt the distinct swell of her stomach. The movement of life inside, apparently unwilling to sit idly by as Millie panicked.
Hunched almost into a ball as she was, Millie also felt a hardness in her bundle of clothes. She felt through the balled-up material until she found the pouch of beads. She opened the pouch and poured several out onto her hand. Large. Wooden. Painted bright colors. Each one had a hole in the center, perfect for a small child to thread string or yarn through. When the family she’d been staying with after her husband died had learned that Millie was marrying into a family with a little girl, they’d given the beads to Millie. Something she could use as a game with her new daughter.
Caty. Could she really leave that sweet girl? And Genie? Would she be that woman? The one who hurt those children by abandoning them after working so hard to earn their affection and trust? And, what about her own heart? She, well, she loved those children. All of her fears that they would not accept her had been completely unfounded.
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