Sinner. Jacqui Rose
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Franny snapped again, ‘What are you talking about? Why are you talking about being a prisoner? This is nothing like your old life. You’ve got everything here. And don’t forget you were part of this plan as much as I was. You agreed to it all. I never forced you, Bree, you wanted this. But now you’re making out like I’m the bad guy here.’
‘I’m not. It’s just that before Mia was born, it was okay staying here, but it’s got worse and worse. This wasn’t the plan, Franny, this …’
‘You’re right, this wasn’t the plan, because the plan never included you being so ungrateful.’
Bree’s face crumpled. ‘I am grateful, Franny, though whether you like it or not, I’m a virtual prisoner. You’ve got to see this is messed up. It isn’t right.’
Franny cut in, refusing to feel guilty when all she was doing was trying to help. Her anger rose as she bounced Mia gently on her shoulder. ‘What I see is I’ve put everything on the line for you. I pay everything for you, I’ve even got Vaughn wanting to go through the accounts because I’ve been taking money from the club right under their noses. And you know as well as I do that if Alfie found out what I’d done, he’d kill me. You do realise that don’t you? But all I seem to get from you is complaints. What do you want from me, Bree? Don’t you understand how much I’m risking by doing all this? I’ve literally done everything possible to make your life easier, and all it’s done is make my life harder. Jesus, Bree, I’m even paying for your other daughter to go to boarding school in Ireland until … well until you get your life sorted.’
‘You mean, until Alfie goes away.’
Angrily, Franny nodded. ‘Yeah, I do mean that, but that’s just the way it is.’
‘But he may never decide to go. Have you thought about that? And what then? Am I supposed to be stuck here forever?’
Fuming, her tension headache returning, Franny’s face turned red. ‘For Christ’s sake, Bree, don’t whine. Alfie will go, just trust me.’
‘How?’
‘Look, I’m working on it okay? That’s all you need to know, and then you can have all the freedom you want, but for now I’m doing this to not only protect myself but you as well. I’m protecting you, Bree, never forget that.’
The two women fell silent, but Franny continued to stare hard at Bree, resenting the pressure she was under.
In one way she understood what Bree was saying, but unfortunately, these things took time. She knew Alfie needed to go away and that’s why she’d kept encouraging him, but she had to be clever about it; Alfie wasn’t stupid, and Bree complaining about it wasn’t going to make it happen any quicker.
She just wished Bree could stop being so selfish and realise she was doing all this for her. All this because of Bree … and of course Mia … yes, baby Mia, she would do anything for her, which in itself was strange, because she didn’t think she’d ever get attached to a baby … To Mia.
She’d never cared that she wasn’t able to have children herself, and she’d certainly never felt anything like love for other people’s children, until now that was. And it made her feel odd, as if she wasn’t in control of her own emotions – which she was always able to keep in check. But somehow, Mia felt part of her, and she honestly didn’t know why, but what she did know was that, for Mia’s sake, she had to make this situation work. But it was getting more and more difficult by the day, and she could feel the pressure coming in from every angle. Vaughn, who didn’t trust her before, trusted her even less now. He was on to her big time.
But whatever happened, she knew Alfie could never find out what she was doing. He would kill her, and not just say it or threaten it, he would actually go through with it. Although she was a woman, she knew the rules of the life they led. Betrayal and lies came with consequences.
But she’d sacrificed too much already for it to go wrong now, and besides, what would Mia do without her? Yes, she had Bree, but Mia needed someone stronger than Bree to look out for her in life. Loving her was one thing, but loving her and being strong was something entirely different.
Trying not to let her exasperation get the better of her, Franny broke the silence. ‘Bree, have a little bit more patience, okay? It’s going to work out one way or another so just try to remember that everything’s for you. Everything I’m doing here is for you.’
‘I wonder sometimes.’
Infuriated by Bree again, Franny paced the floor. Her voice was scornful as she asked, ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Looking pale, Bree swallowed hard before speaking quietly. ‘You’re always so angry with me and you seem … you seem to be more interested in Mia than me.’
Franny walked across to Bree and leant down into her face. ‘Are you being serious? Are you really jealous of a baby?’
Bree shook her head. ‘No of course not! I’m not saying that.’
‘Then what are you saying?’
‘It’s just that you seem different from when we started all this. We were friends and now … I just don’t know how to explain it.’
Guilt and stress and uncertainty rushed through Franny. ‘Maybe because it’s bullshit and there is nothing to explain. You need to grow up, Bree, and appreciate what’s around you, and if you haven’t realised already, this is a really difficult situation I’m in. Don’t forget, if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have Mia. You were happy to run off and get an abortion.’
The shock on Bree’s face didn’t mar her beauty but the sadness in her eyes shadowed it. ‘Franny, please don’t say that. It wasn’t like that, you know I was desperate. I didn’t want to bring a child into the life that Alfie leads. All the violence, all the crime. The people that come with it. All the drugs and guns, even the money laundering he does, well it all comes at a price. It’s dangerous and I know what it’s like to live in fear and I didn’t want to bring a baby into that. I know it was you who helped me, but being cooped up here, it’s difficult. The only person I see is you. I just want to go out, even to the park.’
Playing with Mia’s tiny fingers, Franny shook her head. ‘I’ve already told you, we can’t risk it, not at the moment.’
Wrapping her blue silk dressing gown round her, Bree appealed, ‘When then?’
As Mia started to become grizzly, Franny rocked her, the sound of her cries filling the room. ‘The subject’s closed, okay? I don’t want to talk about it so just drop it, Bree.’
‘Then maybe it would be better if we just told Alf …’
Franny angrily interrupted, ‘If we told him? If we told him that we went behind his back, that we’ve lied to him, that we’ve been taking money from the business so you can stay here? Are you stupid?’
‘No, I … I … all I’m really trying to say is look around you, Franny; we’re in the middle of nowhere, no one will see me if I go out, and if anyone did find out, I’d never say it was you. I’d never say you were involved.’
Franny gave Bree a cold stare. ‘Bree, unlike you, Alfie’s not stupid. He knows you had no money, no real family, and suddenly you have a flat and your daughter’s in a good school. He’ll know someone helped you, and it won’t be long before he works out that someone was me.’
‘Then what about Mia? It’s not good for her to be kept inside like this.’
‘She’s fine.’
‘No, she’s not. I know what’s best for her, Franny, she is my baby.’
With the expression on her face tight and taut, Franny walked across to Bree, gently giving Mia back to her. She glared at Bree before picking up her jacket to turn away, but at the door Franny stopped, speaking quietly. ‘No,