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for greater caution when prescribing certain medications. The facility was desperate for medical personnel, and the physician (whom I'll call “Dr. James”) was one of only a small handful both available and willing to meet the need. So, after carefully reviewing the inmate's chart and gathering as much information as I could about her background, I agreed to visit with Dr. James.
I remember ever so vividly the sincere yet surprising statement Dr. James made to me when I asked him if he'd considered the possibility that the person he interviewed earlier might have misrepresented her symptomatology, harbored hidden agendas, or perhaps even successfully feigned pathology for untoward purposes. He looked me straight in the eye and without flinching asked: “Why would she lie?” I was really taken aback. This woman's character pathology was such that you could write an entire book on all the reasons she might lie at any given moment, including the possibility of lying purely for “sport” and even when the truth would do just as well. But the nature of Dr. James's practice and experience didn't really prepare him for dealing with someone with this level of character disturbance, so for several days thereafter, over coffee and donuts, we had a collegial discussion on personality and character disturbances, and especially, the art of manipulation.
It was only five years prior to this incident that my first book In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People had been published. I wrote the book for two reasons: First, character pathology was rapidly replacing “neurosis” as the dominant psychological problem coming to the attention of mental health professionals; and second, I wanted to provide both professionals and lay persons a relatively comprehensive yet straightforward and easily digestible framework for understanding and dealing with some of the more troubling personality types among us. To avoid being taken advantage of, you have to be able to rudimentarily assess the character of a person and to know how to spot and appropriately respond to the most common tactics of manipulation and responsibility‐resistance that impaired characters use to gain advantage over others. So, in the book, I gave folks some practical ways to determine what kind of person they might be dealing with and outlined the most common tactics of manipulation, responsibility‐avoidance, and impression management, as well as the problematic thinking patterns and attitudes that frequently predispose and accompany these behaviors.
These days, it's pretty safe to assume that everyone has at least some degree of character pathology (and the use of term character here is not meant to be synonymous with personality – character being that aspect of personality that reflects a person's moral fiber). As I emphasize time and again in my book Character Disturbance: The Phenomenon of Our Age, character pathology exists along a spectrum or continuum, with the malignantly narcissistic, highly manipulative, and empathy‐devoid predators we sometimes call psychopaths or sociopaths at an extreme end. Fortunately, such folks are relatively uncommon. But there are many other character‐impaired folks out there, and some are quite skilled in the art of manipulation and responsibility‐evasion.
In your professional career, you won't just find manipulators or other disturbed characters among your patients. Character disturbance of some type or degree is simply too prevalent to avoid encountering it no matter what setting you work in. You may find yourself dealing with manipulative or otherwise character impaired supervisors, facility administrators, pharmaceutical company representatives, and colleagues. And even if you're planning a strictly academic career, you're likely to find the politics of the “publish or perish” and turf‐sensitive environment dominated by unspoken “angles” and hidden agendas of one type or another. You're also likely to encounter subtle undermining, backstabbing, and various other forms of covertly aggressive behavior as your associates jockey for power, positions of influence, and territory.
One of my dearest friends and mentors had an experience I'll never forget while we were working at the same hospital. My friend was of somewhat advanced age, but he brought with him not only years of seasoned experience but also a most stellar reputation. His presence at the hospital as the primary attending psychiatrist on one of the behavioral health units was probably the biggest single reasons its beds stayed full and it managed to recruit and keep a stellar support staff. Both the administrator of the hospital and a group of other physicians wanted to “phase out” my friend's influence and presence. Theirs was primarily a teaching hospital, and not only that, one increasingly invested in building a name for itself in two areas of psychiatric research. Although my friend had done a bit of research as a younger man, running subjects and publishing was not his main interest. He was at heart a clinician and not a researcher, and was fast becoming a poor fit for an organization seeking to recruit and groom scientist‐practitioners. But the powers that be didn't want to get rid of my friend too soon, because they knew what it would cost them in the way of goodwill and bed count. And they didn't want to state their intentions openly to him because they feared he might quit and possibly even sign on with a competing entity. So, they had a series of meetings with my friend in which they laid out plans for him to “free up” some of his precious time to do much more of the hands‐on work that he loved and less training (which for me was a very big loss because of how much more his years of experience and wisdom brought to the table as opposed to solely reviewing dry research findings). In the end, they “used” him well, and when they no longer had need for him, they unceremoniously let him go. And as is so often the case, the manipulation involved was in all the little things weren't said or weren't done. The real agenda was clear from the start, but no one wanted my friend to know the truth – until, that is, they were ready for it to be known.
16.1 Tips for Avoiding the Traps of a Manipulator
Whether you are dealing with patients, colleagues, or supervisors, your best defense against being misled, exploited, conned, or otherwise hoodwinked is to know well the telltale signs of character disturbance and the tactics manipulative characters are most fond of using to get the better of others. Spotting these tactics the moment they're displayed and having the skills to deal effectively with them is your best insurance against victimization. And while it goes without saying that whole books can and have been written on the subject, being mindful of a few general rules can really help you avoid falling prey to a manipulator's ploys.
16.1.1 Know the Kind of Persons You're Dealing With
Naturally, you can't do a comprehensive personality assessment on everyone you meet. But in these days of widespread character disturbance, it's incumbent upon you make at least a rudimentary assessment of a person's basic makeup. Know the most common personality types and their key features. Be especially on the lookout for those aspects of personality that tip you off to someone's basic character. Know the difference between someone's basic personality or “style” of relating (i.e. their distinctive manner of perceiving and interacting with the world) and a style that is either so extreme in its manifestation, deviant from the norm, or inflexible that it causes unnecessary tension and dysfunction in a person's interpersonal relations. And if something about a person's “style” of relating doesn't strike you just right, scrutinize a little further. Knowing the kind of person you're dealing is your single best defense against being exploited. This is especially true when it comes to the most severely disturbed characters. Many character‐impaired individuals have keen predatory instincts and an uncanny ability to size up other people. Knowing you better than you know yourself and deceiving you about what they're really like is a major way they can get the better of you.
16.1.2 Educate Yourself about Manipulative Tactics
Learn about the most common power “tactics” certain character types use to influence the behavior others and to simultaneously manage the impressions others have of them. This is the heart of manipulation. And because the tactics are generally so effective, the folks who use them get a lot of reinforcement for doing so, and their use of the tactics easily becomes habitual – even in situations when using them is not all that necessary. So, you can expect manipulative people to have a hard time not displaying certain tip‐off behaviors. If you know what to look for, you'll have a better shot at not being duped. Now, there are an awful lot of tactics people can use to manipulate others. And skilled manipulators can use just about any behavior you can think of to con and