Chapter 5

      After she had finished her course of studies at St. Mark’s, Christine presumed that she would continue her education somewhere in America. She had no idea what she would eventually do for a living, but her mother had wanted her to consider teaching, nursing, or missionary work. However, no decisions about a college or a career had yet been determined. Although her dorm mates had not been teasing her about being cross-eyed or trying to pass for white, she hoped that her appearance and the stigma of her Indian ancestry would not follow her after she departed from Africa.

      It seemed important to develop her potential in whatever areas that she could. She liked playing the piano and had dreamed that, someday, she might play the piano as well as Mrs. Leonard. In many ways, Mrs. Leonard continued to inspire her. She admired her bearing, her dignity, and her poise, and she was also kind and gracious and dressed in a way that revealed good taste. She seemed aristocratic—she even seemed regal.

      She liked the fact that Mrs. Leonard spoke English with a lovely British accent. She preferred a British accent to an American or a South African accent. At home, Christine spoke using the English that was used by her mother and other Americans, but at school, British English was the norm, and Christine had taken up the intonations, expressions, and phraseology that are characteristic of British English.

      If Christine could perfect her British accent, people abroad might assume that she was from England, and she wouldn’t need to acknowledge her Indian or American ancestry and her African background. People in America wouldn’t need to know that she had grown up on a mission station amid poverty. They didn’t need to know anything about her background. People might just assume that she had come from England. Or perhaps she would just be secretive and not reveal much of anything about her background to others. Would that be possible? Perhaps she could be a mysterious gal full of intrigue. That would be interesting!

      Appearance was clearly a priority. She had already determined that a smile went a long way toward making one more attractive. She would make a point of seeming friendlier and smiling more often. She did not think of herself as beautiful, but she did have good skin, nice teeth, and unobjectionable features. She considered that her looks had potential, and she doubted that the idiosyncrasy with her eyes would prove to be detrimental. The girls hadn’t made any negative comments about her for quite some time, and she hoped that all hurtful stigmas could be left behind when she finally left Africa and went abroad.

      Smiling was one thing that helped her appearance. Other things would include neatness, hairstyle, and clothing. She didn’t plan to overdo the use of makeup, but surely a little of that couldn’t hurt. She had been thinking about her hair and was considering a possible change.

      At school, uniforms were usually worn, but for church attendance, one could wear other clothing. She had a couple of outfits that were quite satisfactory, but she didn’t have nearly as many nice clothes as Helen, Anne, Elizabeth, and many others. At this point, she didn’t have much of a wardrobe, but she certainly hoped to have nice things someday. Mrs. Leonard was not especially beautiful, but she was classy and attractive, and Mrs. Leonard’s clothing was always tasteful and appealing. She didn’t seem to have a lot of jewelry, but she did have pearls, and they contributed to her often elegant appearance. Of course, clothing was important, but poise, dignity, confidence, and the way one carried oneself also seemed to matter. Being kind, gracious, friendly, and ladylike all contributed to the qualities and characteristics that Christine wanted for herself.

      Christine knew that she had many things that she could work on, but she would not reveal her self-improvement plans to her dorm friends. However, she simply hoped that people might note some improvements in her. With luck, Jim Pearson would notice her and like the things that he saw. Time would tell. For now, she needed to get busy and study. She needed to concentrate while her room was still quiet.

      When Helen returned to the room, she suggested that they go to Elizabeth Winston’s room where some girls had gathered to socialize until dinner. Christine would have liked to have had some downtime, but in light of her new self-improvement plan, she excused herself by acknowledging that she had a lot of homework to do. Christine knew that she wanted to do well in all her classes, and she hoped to conclude the year with the best grades that she could achieve. She knew that if she got better grades, that would certainly help boost her self-esteem. Her improvements would be gradual, of course, but she was becoming determined that she wanted to make something of herself. She didn’t know what career she would follow, but she was sure that her future was not in Africa. In America, perhaps, she would someday achieve wealth and fame. Who knew? If one was going to dream, one might as well have big dreams! If she wanted a successful life, she’d have to work for it, for she knew that no one was going to give her the world with a ribbon wrapped around it!

      For Christine, the highlight of a school day was being in class with Jim Pearson.

      Fortunately, she sat behind him in two classes, so she could look at him, from time to time, without him knowing it. Sometimes, she found herself daydreaming about what it would be like to run her fingers through his hair or to be held in his arms. She fantasized about kissing him, giving him back rubs, and lying at his side. Sometimes, she fantasized about times of wonderful intimacies, but then, she would glance sheepishly around the classroom to see if anyone had been reading her thoughts.

      One day, as Christine was daydreaming in class, she remembered some of her goals, and she recalled that if she wanted something, she would have to work for it. She decided that she would initiate a conversation with Jim as they were leaving class. She inquired if he was going home for the school vacation that was approaching, and he replied that he was. She learned that his father was a doctor who was working at a mission station at Akornhoek in South Africa. Christine acknowledged that her father was deceased, but she stated that her mother was a missionary in Mozambique. Their conversation had been quite brief, but Jim had been friendly, and she was surprised to discover that they had a few things in common.

      On the following day, they exchanged a few more words, and Christine was hopeful that they might soon become better acquainted. She wanted him to know that she was interested in him without seeming to be overly interested or too pushy. At least they had opened themselves to conversation, but before their relationship could develop, a school break occurred, and the students left St. Mark’s for a short vacation.

      As Christine made the long trip back to Tavani, she thought about Jim a lot. She wished that she had a picture of him and knew him better, for she hadn’t learned of his interests or heard of his career plans. When she got home, she told her mother about how things had been going at school. She acknowledged that she had not been doing very well in math and that her teacher had suggested that she get some tutoring. Both she and her mother knew the importance of doing well in her classes, and Mother acknowledged that if tutoring was necessary, she would pay for it.

      Christine also told her mother that she had become better acquainted with a fellow student named Jim Pearson. She proceeded to tell her mother a bit about him, and she seemed happy to know that he appeared to come from a good family. Christine also arranged with her mother to take a couple of her photographs back to school so that she would be able to give a photo of herself to Jim—if he should happen to want one.

      Christine enjoyed being at home, once again, but the slow pace of things and the general loneliness made her realize that she could not be happy living on a mission station indefinitely. Another family had moved into the house where the Rankins had lived. She had met the Davidsons at church, and they seemed like a nice family. Mr. Davidson and his wife seemed to be well trained for the kinds of tasks that they would be doing, and she learned that they had