“Don’t they consult the ‘Victims,’ though?”

            I said.  “They should, by rights,

      Give them a chance – because, you know,

      The tastes of people differ so,

            Especially in Sprites.”

      The Phantom shook his head and smiled.

            “Consult them?  Not a bit!

      ’Twould be a job to drive one wild,

      To satisfy one single child —

            There’d be no end to it!”

      “Of course you can’t leave children free,”

            Said I, “to pick and choose:

      But, in the case of men like me,

      I think ‘Mine Host’ might fairly be

            Allowed to state his views.”

      He said “It really wouldn’t pay —

            Folk are so full of fancies.

      We visit for a single day,

      And whether then we go, or stay,

            Depends on circumstances.

      “And, though we don’t consult ‘Mine Host’

            Before the thing’s arranged,

      Still, if he often quits his post,

      Or is not a well-mannered Ghost,

            Then you can have him changed.

      “But if the host’s a man like you —

            I mean a man of sense;

      And if the house is not too new – ”

      “Why, what has that,” said I, “to do

            With Ghost’s convenience?”

      “A new house does not suit, you know —

            It’s such a job to trim it:

      But, after twenty years or so,

      The wainscotings begin to go,

            So twenty is the limit.”

      “To trim” was not a phrase I could

            Remember having heard:

      “Perhaps,” I said, “you’ll be so good

      As tell me what is understood

            Exactly by that word?”

      “It means the loosening all the doors,”

            The Ghost replied, and laughed:

      “It means the drilling holes by scores

      In all the skirting-boards and floors,

            To make a thorough draught.

      “You’ll sometimes find that one or two

            Are all you really need

      To let the wind come whistling through —

      But here there’ll be a lot to do!”

            I faintly gasped “Indeed!

      “If I’d been rather later, I’ll

            Be bound,” I added, trying

      (Most unsuccessfully) to smile,

      “You’d have been busy all this while,

            Trimming and beautifying?”

      “Why, no,” said he; “perhaps I should

            Have stayed another minute —

      But still no Ghost, that’s any good,

      Without an introduction would

            Have ventured to begin it.

      “The proper thing, as you were late,

            Was certainly to go:

      But, with the roads in such a state,

      I got the Knight-Mayor’s leave to wait

            For half an hour or so.”

      “Who’s the Knight-Mayor?” I cried.  Instead

            Of answering my question,

      “Well, if you don’t know that,” he said,

      “Either you never go to bed,

            Or you’ve a grand digestion!

      “He goes about and sits on folk