The Marked Men Series Books 1–6: Rule, Jet, Rome, Nash, Rowdy, Asa. Jay Crownover
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you fought back. You never let her get to you the way I think she wanted, and while I should have stopped it years ago, I guess I see now how much damage what we were doing could have done to you.”
“She wants me to be Remy.” Saying it out loud to him felt like letting go of a lifetime of tightly held secrets.
He coughed and rubbed his thick hands together. “She wants the easy relationship she had with Remy with you. Remy wasn’t argumentative or problematic, he just went with the flow. Rome knew we didn’t want him to join the military, but he did it anyway because he’s stubborn and determined to make a difference in the world. You were never easygoing and complacent. You hated curfew and any rule we imposed on you. You were always creative and quirky, but hard to relate to—we said go left and you went backward—she doesn’t have a son left that she can just dictate and manage. She misses having someone to mother and Remy never minded her doing it for him and neither did Shaw, but now Shaw has chosen a side and Margot is deteriorating rapidly.”
“Dad, I can’t come back here, not like this. I appreciate everything you said today; in fact I wish you had said it years ago, and maybe I wouldn’t have a litany of bad behavior and questionable choices littering my history the way I do now, but I’m not going to be her scapegoat anymore.”
He sighed and looked at the door as Rome came out looking thunderous. “Something tells me you aren’t the only Archer who is making that call.”
“Shaw, too. I’m not going to let Mom use her as a pawn in this mess.”
“Yeah, neither am I. She’s like a daughter to me.”
Rome joined our little huddle and, boy, did he look pissed. My eyes tended to be light and go silver or gray whenever I felt a strong emotion, but my brother’s blazed a bright blue, the color of the base of a flame.
“She’s out of her damn mind. Seriously, Dad, she needs therapy and possibly drugs. I can’t believe she said that shit to Rule.”
My dad sighed again and shifted, sending tufts of snow that had gathered on the shoulders of his jacket drifting to the ground.
“I know, son. I just told Rule I recognize the problem is worse than I thought.”
“I only have a few weeks’ leave left; you better let her know I won’t be back unless she gets her head on right. I tried to tell her and she just started spouting nonsense about Rule brainwashing everybody she cares about. She has straight up vilified him, her own child. I refuse to support her treating him that way.”
“You’re both good boys. For right now you two take care of each other and I’ll work on your mother. I love you both. Don’t give up on us yet.”
We all shared a back-pounding round of hugs before Rome and I climbed back into the truck. I had to let the massive motor run a few minutes before the heater would pump out warm air, so while we waited I stared out the snowy windshield in contemplation while Rome rattled on about our mom. He was repulsed by her reaction to our surprise visit, but I wasn’t. I was, however, stunned by everything my dad had told me. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone told me they loved me besides my brothers. I had forgotten how nice it made me feel.
“You wanna take the Beamer or the truck since it’s coming down pretty good now?”
“The BMW. I’ve seen you drive, little brother. You won’t make it back to Denver in one piece in that sports car.”
He had a point. I wanted to get back in one piece because I wanted to get Shaw a phone and pick her up from work and spend the night in bed with her wrapped around me. I wanted to make her whisper my name over and over in that husky voice. I wasn’t sure, but this slippery feeling in my chest sure felt a hell of a lot like love.
CHAPTER 12
Shaw
I was still trying to figure out my new phone. Instead of replacing my broken one with the same model, Rule had gotten me the brand-new version with all the bells and whistles, and the thing was ten times smarter than me. I was trying to text Ayden that I was running late for our coffee date because one of my classes had run over. I hadn’t seen her for more than a few minutes at a time in the last couple of weeks so we were meeting to catch up. She was still acting a little off. Between staying at Rule’s place or him crashing at ours, and being constantly vigilant to avoid a run-in with Gabe, pinning her down and making her talk to me hadn’t been possible.
I was developing a pretty good rhythm. On the days I worked, I stayed on the Hill with Rule, since his place was closer to the bar and he didn’t mind coming in for a drink while waiting for me to get off; he and Lou were best pals now. On the days I was at school or volunteered, he would show up sometimes around dinner but often right before bedtime and spend the night at my apartment. I had decided to drop my Saturday shift in order to have one weekend night off to spend with him. He liked to go out on Friday and Saturday nights with his friends so I figured it was cool to let him have a night to get his bro-time in while I was working. Plus it was fun to have a weekend day off to go shopping or watch a movie when I was so used to being busy all the time. Being with Rule was teaching me that my time was precious and I needed to spend it doing things I wanted as well as the things that were required of me. That was partly why I felt justified in ignoring the calls from my parents that had been coming in nonstop since the trip to Brookside.
I finally got the text sent and got one back saying she already had a seat and had ordered for us. When I got to the coffeehouse the place was packed, but Ayden had secured a spot by one of the windows and was messing around on her phone. A table full of geeky-looking guys was trying to get her attention by talking and laughing loudly, but she seemed oblivious. I missed our girl time and I wished she would talk to me about what had been bothering her the last month, but with so much on my own plate I was well aware that I hadn’t been the best friend as of late. I flopped in the seat across from her and gratefully scooped up the frothy drink she had ordered for me. She made a face at me and put her phone away. “I almost saw your boyfriend naked this morning.”
I laughed at the look on her face. “I don’t know what to say to that—you’re welcome?”
She crinkled her nose at me. “He doesn’t have much shame, does he?”
“You’ve met Rule, right?”
She picked up her own drink and peered at me over the top of the cup. “I guess he doesn’t really have much to worry about, does he? I don’t know how you don’t get distracted by all that stuff inked all over him. I think I would spend all my time looking at his tattoos rather than getting down to business.”
“It’s fun.”
“I bet.” She had a faraway look in her pretty eyes that I just couldn’t let slide anymore.
“Come on, Ayden; tell me what’s going on with you lately. I know I’ve been wrapped up in my own stuff but I can see the change in you. You look so sad all the time and that’s just not like you.”
Her whiskey-toned gaze shifted from one side to another before settling on the table between us. She set her coffee down and traced the rim of the cup with her finger.
“I don’t know. I mean, I know, but not really.” I just watched her because I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. “I used to think I had it all figured out—school, boys, my future, all of it. I knew that coming from nothing and no one didn’t matter because I was on the right track and I was going to be something great, and now I just don’t know.”
“What brought this on?”
“The night at the rock bar, the night I had Jet take me home, I practically threw myself at him.” I saw her flinch a little. “He was polite enough about it all but said I wasn’t really his type and that nice girls like me deserved better.”
“Well, that seems chivalrous and nice of him, not life-altering.”
“That’s