The Marked Men Series Books 1–6: Rule, Jet, Rome, Nash, Rowdy, Asa. Jay Crownover
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We sat in silence while I tried to work through all of it. I couldn’t just accept her apology; too much time and too many hurtful words and actions had been exchanged for that. But I could recognize that we were all human and prone to making careless mistakes with people we cared about, and that we could try to work toward a resolution from there.
“That’s a lot to take in, Mom, and I’m not sure what you expect from me after telling me all that.”
She swiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand and gave me a rueful grin. “I don’t expect anything. I do want you to know that your dad and I are committed to putting this family back together, including Shaw. I know you’re mad she didn’t tell you about Remy, but I also saw the way you two were looking at each other. I saw the way you were with her, Rule, and I know you have never been like that with anyone else. She has always thought that you were worthy and in need of love, even when you did your absolute best to convince the rest of the world that you weren’t interested in being loved. I just think you should consider that before deciding to walk away from her for good.”
Was my mom, the woman who had made it her mission for the last three years to make sure I knew I was the lowest form of humanity, trying to give me relationship advice? Was she seriously telling me to try again with Shaw?
“She actually walked away from me. She told me that trying wasn’t enough, that she needed to know that I loved her for sure and I just couldn’t do that. I don’t know if we’re ultimately good for each other.”
My mom reached across the table and grabbed my hand, which was resting by the cup. I nearly jumped out of my skin.
“She needs your strength and you need her to teach you how to love. She comes from a really awful group of people, Rule. She needs someone who can stand by her while she deals with that, and you need someone who’s not scared of you, someone who can love all the different parts of you and not ask you to change any of them. She’s done it for years even if you didn’t know it. She was loyal to your brother, she kept his secret even though it caused problems between the two of you, and she’ll be loyal to you, too.”
We sat in silence while her words washed over me. I just didn’t know what to say but I did know that things weren’t the same without Shaw in my life. The last few weeks had been hollow. I didn’t just miss her in my bed, which I did … a lot. I missed her in the morning when I had breakfast. I missed hearing from her in the afternoon and sending her naughty little text messages that I knew made her blush. I missed her coming by the shop for dinner and hanging out while she did her homework. I just missed her, and things weren’t as good as they were when she was around.
“I have to say this is one of the more surprising birthdays I’ve ever had.”
“You deserve some peace and I need to be responsible for the part I’ve played in making it so hard for you to recognize true and honest love when it’s staring you in the face.”
“I need to go.” I pushed away from the table and looked down at her. I was grateful she didn’t get to her feet and try to hug me because I was nowhere near ready for that, but when she offered me up a small smile I didn’t hesitate to grin back at her.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“You should have great things, Rule, including a happy and whole family.”
“One step at a time, Mom.”
I was walking out of the shop when I almost plowed over the tiny brunette who had been checking me out the last time I was here. I grabbed her upper arms to steady her and let her go so I could move past her. What I needed to do, who I needed to get to, was suddenly so clear it was like a light at the end of the tunnel and I knew, just knew, that if I could make it right, the darkness wouldn’t pull me under anymore.
“Sorry.” I was going to move around her but she counteracted my move and put herself back squarely in my path. I frowned down at her while she batted her long eyelashes up at me.
“No girlfriend this time, isn’t that just a shame?” I recoiled because this is what was out there—girls who would flirt with me, girls who would go home with me knowing I was seeing someone. It wasn’t enough anymore. I deserved better.
“I’m actually on my way to go get her now.”
The brunette tried to pout prettily but it did nothing for me.
“I would never have guessed you and Shaw would end up as a thing. She’s been frigid since high school and I thought she was in love with your brother. Doesn’t it freak you out being his replacement?”
Normally, something like that would have made me see red, would have made my damn head explode, but I got it now—this girl was nothing. Her opinion didn’t matter and her misinformation was just laughable. I was done letting anyone, including a clueless stranger, use Remy as a weapon against me.
“I gotta run. Next time I’ll be sure to go in the opposite direction if I see you coming.” She gasped in outrage but I didn’t care. I was too busy sliding around her and sending a text to Cora to find out if Shaw was still hanging around her house.
I wasn’t guaranteed an answer back, because the girls had bonded, and Cora was all for me staying the hell away from Shaw, but maybe because it was my birthday she shot back that Shaw and Ayden had both worked a day shift today so they should be at the house. I would prefer to say what I had to say to Shaw without an audience, considering Ayden wasn’t exactly my biggest fan right now. I was, however, willing to pick her up and move her out of my way if she didn’t let me get to my girl.
It was late afternoon by the time I got back to the city. I was glad I had taken the day off, considering all the unexpected and life-changing revelations I had been fielding all day. I was supposed to meet up with the guys for dinner and then I was having a little party at Cerberus. Jet’s band was playing and all my friends and some of my regular clients were swinging by for a drink or two. It was lame that Rome was already gone, but we had grown so much closer while he was here. I told him repeatedly I would just drink his share so that he could be here in spirit. All I knew was that it wouldn’t be any kind of celebration until I got to Shaw and told her what I had to say.
When I got to Cora’s house my nerves started to act up. If this was the last chance I had to make this work and she still sent me on my way, I wasn’t sure how I would handle it. There was a good chance that Shaw was going to break my heart and that was big and scary because I didn’t even know I had a heart to break before she came along. I skirted past a brand-spanking-new Porsche SUV and was relieved to see that Ayden’s Jeep was nowhere in sight. I could hear music coming from inside the house. She was listening to the Heartless Bastards and the sentiment made me chuckle as I rang the doorbell. I had to wait a good five minutes before the music went down and I saw the blinds next to the door twitch. I was proud of her for not just opening it without checking to see who it was, but my nerves ratcheted up even higher when the door didn’t open immediately.
When it did, I stopped breathing and forgot everything I wanted to say. She was obviously on her way out somewhere. She had on a supertight, supershort black dress that made the green in her eyes electric and the pale blond of her hair glow around her head like a halo. I had obviously interrupted her because she was barefoot and didn’t have any makeup on but had her hair all curled up in a complicated style. She looked so perfect, it was enough to make my eyes hurt. The idea that she might be going on a date with someone else immediately crashed into all my hard-won resolve and made my back teeth snap together.
“Hey.” It wasn’t eloquent or romantic but I was having a hard time not overthinking this, and she didn’t seem to mind. She shivered in her almost nonexistent outfit and took a step away from the door.
“Come in. It’s cold out.”
I followed her into the house and was relieved when she went into the kitchen and pulled out a beer for me. It gave me something to do with my hands and a minute to get my head together.
“It’s not much of a present, but it’s the best I can do on short