The Yummy Mummy’s Survival Guide. Liz Fraser
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like it. Most women actually look better with a rounder face, but we are too used to thinking of chiselled jaw-lines and defined cheekbones as desirable to adjust easily.
7. The Linea Nigra
There it is!! This is a faint brown line from your tummy button to your pubes, which usually appears at around three months. I was obsessed about the lack of mine for weeks before it showed itself, because I thought I should have one, and I wanted to see some proof that I was doing this pregnancy properly. As soon as I saw it I wished it would go away of course, but I was still happy that I had managed to make one! How dark this line becomes depends on how much melanin your body makes, and it should fade over a year or so, if you’re lucky.
8. Milk production
Eeeek. At about twenty weeks (or so—everyone’s different, remember) your boobs will receive a message from Mission Control, telling them to get their milk production sorted out quick smart, because pretty soon there will be a baby to feed, and they should allow for technical glitches and printing errors.
So they do. And it’s very, very weird. Like squeezing spots or picking dry skin off your heels, squeezing milk out of your nipples is a bit gross, but very satisfying. What comes out to start with isn’t actually milk, but a thick yellow goo called colostrum. Bath-times have never been so much fun.
If this is all getting too much for now, then I’ll move on. I just thought you should be prepared for the moment you turn into a dairy cow.
9. Heartburn
If you are experiencing this already, then you are in for quite a rough ride, as heartburn only gets worse as the baby gets bigger. I got it terribly, and couldn’t sleep without drinking milk and downing the Rennies. Antacids aren’t thought to be dangerous for the baby, but ask your doctor or midwife about how many and which to take.
10. Insomnia
There’s a lot going on in your mind, and as the baby starts to move about and get more cumbersome, sleeping becomes very tricky. So unfair, given how much you need to stock up on the stuff—where’s the evolutionary advantage of insomnia then, Darwin?
11. Uncomfortable bump
Now that you are finally getting BIG, you will notice knock-on effects such as back pain, aching tummy muscles (if you still have any), and trouble getting comfortable, especially at night. This is a good time to start sleeping with a pillow between your legs, because it makes the bump pull down less, and if you can pretend that it’s Johnny Depp and not a pillow at all, then you won’t mind all the insomnia. Sorted.
12. Cravings
I hate to burst a somewhat amusing and traditional bubble, but cravings are a hugely over-emphasised part of early pregnancy. Gherkins with cream, charcoal and raw onions are all the stuff of hearsay and fantasy, because the truth is a whole lot less exciting. Sorry.
Here are some cravings I can vouch for, as related to me by several Mummy friends: fresh fruit smoothies, sweet and sour Chinese food, iceberg lettuce, roll-mop herrings, vinegar (my mum used to drink it, which may explain a few thing about me…), strawberries (one lady could smell them from 800 metres away!), strong curry, ice-cream and black olives.
I never craved anything, apart from a flatter stomach, but I did go off things I had previously adored: Marmite made me retch, hot chocolate (which I had previously guzzled in pints) suddenly smelled like rotten cider, and I couldn’t eat lettuce at all. Disaster! I had no problem with coffee, which is supposed to make all pregnant women feel sick, and even alcohol never lost its appeal. Here’s hoping you experience some wacky cravings to tell your children and Yummy Mummy friends about. It’s kind of expected…
13. Skin
Despite what your partner may try to tell you, the skin is the biggest organ in the human body. (Worth remembering for times when a severe put-down is required—any time he tries to have sex with you when you are in a bad mood for example. ) It’s really no surprise, then, that an event as physically demanding as pregnancy will have some effect on your skin. You may even get more skin problems after the birth than during the pregnancy itself.
In my case, the biggest skin problem was hyper-pigmentation.
Hyper-what?
Pigmentation. What started as sweet-looking freckles around my nose and dotted across my forehead (very Milly Molly Mandy; very cute), grew into patches of darker skin all over the place. Suddenly, this stopped being cute and started to be unsightly.
Early attempts to cover this up with foundation were successful, but as the months progressed the dark patches became so noticeable in the middle of my face that no amount of slap and powder would hide them properly, and they began to make me miserable. The final straw came when my peach-skinned three-year-old asked, in that levelling way only three-year-olds can get away with: ‘Mummy, what are those horrid brown marks on your face? Did the baby make them?’ Grrrr.
Time for some science. Ahem!
Skin discolouration, or pigmentation, is the result of increased local melanin production. Melanin is the skin pigment which protects us from the effects of strong sunlight (you knew that), but often, due to environmental or internal influences (I’d say pregnancy is probably a fairly hefty internal influence), the skin produces more melanin than it needs. During pregnancy, our good old friends oestrogen and progesterone are thought to cause greater stimulation of the pigment, resulting in hyper-pigmented skin spots. (You didn’t know that!)
Luckily for you, cosmetics and pharmaceutical companies have been quick to cash in on the increasing awareness of this problem, and the number of ‘skin-lightening’ and ‘blanching’ products, which aim (and claim) to remove, or at least lessen, pigmented areas, is rising.
These either stop the melanin being produced or act as superexfoliators, penetrating the skin, removing the old cells and increasing the production of new, unpigmented ones.
I peeled, masked and creamed religiously for six months after the birth, and I am pleased to report a dramatic improvement. Whether this would have happened anyway, I’ll never know, but just doing something about it felt better than sitting the ugliness out.
Before you rush out to fill your rather lovely Anya Hindmarch tote with acids and peels, here is some life-changing advice from one of the UK’s best dermatologists: photocopy it and stick it to your bathroom mirror.
A good sunscreen is a woman’s most important weapon against skin pigmentation. You should wear it every day, even in winter or on overcast days, and you should apply two coats half an hour before you go out. There’s no point treating your pigmentation marks unless you also use a sunscreen of at least factor sixty every day. Finally, always wear a hat and try to stay in the shade.
You heard the man! I never leave the house without at least one coat of factor sixty all over my face these days, my hat collection has almost outgrown my bedroom, and the same is now true of sunglasses, but can a girl ever own too many?
Some skin lightening products you might like to try:
