The Yummy Mummy’s Survival Guide. Liz Fraser
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ones opening every month. Below is a list of some of the finest, and where to find more places near you.
TOP TIP: Leave leaflets for some of these day and weekend spas lying around as the weeks go on, and make subtle hints about feeling very achy and knotted. If he doesn’t book you a little surprise within two weeks, take yourself off with a girlfriend and have a ball.
Fake Tan
Again, there isn’t any evidence to say that this is dangerous in any way, but you might not turn out exactly the colour you had in mind because of your hormone situation. I had no trouble with it at all, and was glad to see a little colour in my now tired and slightly anaemic face and over my increasingly unenviable body. If you can get a professional splash of colour worked into your pampering treat, then so much the better.
Reflexology
Contrary to what you may have heard, reflexology cannot bring on a miscarriage, but most reflexologists won’t treat women in the first three months of pregnancy because that’s when the risk is highest naturally and they don’t want hefty lawsuits. Fair enough. After this, you can have your aching feet prodded and squished as much as you like, unless you have a pre-term labour (before 37 weeks, but what are you having reflexology for if you’re in pre-term labour?!), you suffer from placenta previa (low-lying placenta) or hydro amnios (too much water around the baby). Ask your midwife if you are unsure.
The benefits of reflexology include helping to relieve back pain, curing insomnia and digestive problems, and having somebody touch your feet which is my idea of Heaven at any time.
Keeping Up Appearances à la Maison
Unfortunately, it’s not within most of our budgetary limits to have weekly facials and daily neck and shoulder massages. Damn. But leaving time to pamper yourself at home is just as good for day-to-day survival. This is also true of looking after your basic make-up and the way you dress: you obviously don’t need the most expensive products or a stylist to help you out. Just making some time to wash and dry your hair nicely and taking some extra care over your makeup can give you a cheap but very effective morale boost to get you through the toughest ‘my bum is massive in this’ day.
Home Facials
I always have hundreds of face-mask sachets promising one beauty miracle or another in my bathroom, and they certainly didn’t get ignored when I was pregnant. Your skin will need more pampering and care than it ever has before, as your baby starts to drain every ounce of goodness from your body, and a moisture-replacing, glow-enhancing, dead-cell-removing, mood-lifting face mask will be the cure to your greyness.
Debbie, mother of Luke, three, and Helena, eleven months
While I was still in the hospital I shaved my legs, put on a refreshing face pack and painted my finger—and toe-nails. When the health visitor called at my house the next day, she looked at me, in my Monsoon shirt, flowing skirt and full make-up, and asked if I was my sister. She couldn’t believe I had just had a baby, but I felt wonderful. Fully me, and fully ready to tackle the day’s chores.
Sex: How, Why And When?
Sex may not be foremost on your mind as your pregnancy really starts to take shape (as it were), but it’s still there, and it needs some attention too. Pregnancy can have a huge effect on your attitude towards sex, and whatever your experience, somebody else will be feeling the same way.
Some women become nymphomaniacs, others go off sex completely for the rest of their lives, and most fall somewhere in between.
Dealing with the WHY first, there are two answers I have found: firstly, because you still can, and secondly, because if you don’t you will worry about your lack of interest, and that your partner, becoming paralysingly frustrated, will run off with next-door’s nanny while you turn into a miserable old prune. The first part is very real: when you are super-huge, sex becomes physically impossible, if not dangerous to whoever happens to be underneath you. Once the baby is born you won’t be able to have sex for a good few weeks, or even months, and after that you will have to schedule it in between ‘go to bed’ and ‘fall asleep’, which can only amount to about ten seconds, on a good day.
HOW is up to you really, but any chandeliers, trapezes and highly penetrative sex toys are out for now. Sorry. Vibrators are still cool, but careful where you put them is all I’d say: easy does it…Lying on your back is uncomfortable and unwise for long periods of time now, because the baby is getting heavy and it presses down on your back and reduces your blood flow. Get a book and play around, because I’m sure as hell not going to tell you how we did it!
WHEN?