The Silent Cry: Part 2 of 3: There is little Kim can do as her mother's mental health spirals out of control. Cathy Glass
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on the sofa and, dropping my hand, Paula went over to them. I crossed the room and stood beside Geraldine. She was staring, unseeing, down the garden.
‘Is there anything I can get you?’ I asked after a moment. ‘A drink of water or a cup of tea?’
She wiped her eyes and shook her head. ‘It’ll take more than tea to put this lot right, Cathy,’ she said.
She’d never used my name before and I sensed a shift in her attitude towards me. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I asked gently, touching her arm.
‘It wouldn’t do any good,’ she said, her eyes filling again.
Then a terrible thought struck me. ‘Are Liam and Laura all right? They’re not hurt?’
‘No. Laura is in bed upstairs and Liam is asleep in his cot in the front room.’
I remained standing beside Geraldine, not sure what to say or do but feeling I should stay. Paula began playing silently with the soft toys as Geraldine and I gazed down the garden, the joy of the summer outside now at odds with the unhappiness inside. Sometimes silence is more empathetic than words, so I stood quietly beside Geraldine, close but not touching. I sensed she wanted to talk, possibly to confide; that was why she’d left the front door open for us to come in. With her guard down she was less hostile to me, but she was finding it difficult, almost impossible, to know where to begin. I’d seen this before in children I’d fostered who were trying to disclose and tell me about something dreadful that had happened and which they’d kept a secret for a long time. They needed to tell but were fearful of the consequences, so I did now what I did then and waited until they found the strength to start.
After some minutes Geraldine took a deep breath and, still looking straight ahead, said faintly, ‘We moved Liam’s cot downstairs last week. Andy and I are taking it in turns to sleep on the sofa in the front room so we can keep an eye on him. It’s no longer safe for him to be upstairs with his mother.’
An icy chill ran down my spine. ‘Why not?’ I asked gently.
‘Because Laura thinks he’s the devil’s child. My little grandson, the work of the devil! I ask you, Cathy, it would be laughable if she didn’t believe it.’ Her face crumpled and she wiped away fresh tears.
I’d heard many terrible disclosures in the past from abused children and I knew it was important that I hid my shock and remained outwardly calm and in control to give them the strength they needed to continue.
‘Shall we sit down?’ I suggested.
She nodded, and we crossed to the sofa, where I moved Paula to one end to make room for us. ‘Good girl,’ I said quietly to her, for she was looking worried.
Geraldine sat upright on the sofa and stared straight ahead. ‘It’s worse this time,’ she said. ‘Far worse than when Laura had Kim. She seems to be losing touch with reality, and she’s started threatening me.’
‘Laura is threatening you?’ I asked, shocked.
‘Yes. She doesn’t want me here. She resents me, but she can’t manage on her own, and Andy has to work. She rarely sleeps. She’s up most of the night and often doesn’t know where she is. She’s started having weird waking dreams, like she’s hallucinating. She wanders around. Last night I smelled burning and found her in the kitchen, making toast. It was two o’clock in the morning and she kept saying she didn’t like the toast I made, as I didn’t toast it enough. So she kept putting the same slice of toast back into the toaster until eventually it caught fire. I threw it in the sink and she became aggressive. I had to fetch Andy to put her back to bed. I try not to wake him, but she could have burned the house down.’ She took a deep breath and wiped her nose. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be. It’s all right,’ I said, touching her arm.
‘She’s started doing other irrational things and talking a lot of nonsense,’ Geraldine continued, keeping her eyes down. ‘Liam has a birthmark on his back. It’s not very big, but Laura read somewhere that in ancient times they thought birthmarks were put there by the devil, so the child belongs to the devil and does his work. It’s ridiculous, obviously, but she seems to believe it. She’s wary of him and I’m frightened she could do him harm. You won’t tell anyone, will you?’ she said, suddenly turning to me.
‘No, of course not, but Laura does need help. More than you and Andy can give her. What did the doctor say?’
‘She won’t go. She hasn’t been. Now she’s got worse she doesn’t think there is anything wrong with her. When she was just depressed she agreed to tell the doctor, but now she refuses to believe there is anything the matter with her. She says we’re ganging up on her and making it up.’
‘She was going to talk to the doctor at her six-week postnatal check-up. Did that not happen?’
‘I don’t think so. I took her to the appointment, but she wouldn’t let me in when she saw the doctor. I can’t force her to tell a doctor. And to be honest I’m worried that the same thing could happen to her as to her mother. She spent over six months in a psychiatric hospital following the birth of Laura.’
‘Oh, I see,’ I said. ‘Laura mentioned her mother had suffered from postnatal depression, but I didn’t realize it was that severe.’
‘We don’t talk about it. Laura’s parents didn’t have any more children after Laura,’ Geraldine said. ‘She and Andy weren’t going to have another one after Kim. But then it happened and we all hoped for the best. I read somewhere that because a woman has been depressed after having one baby it doesn’t mean it will happen again. But it has. And it’s getting worse.’ Geraldine shrugged with despair. ‘I thought we’d be able to cope and that I could help them through like I did last time. I’ve only done what I thought was right, Cathy, but it seems I’ve made things worse – far worse.’ Her face creased and, holding her head in her hands, she wept openly.
Now I had no hesitation in putting my arm around her shoulders and comforting her. Gone was the stern-faced, domineering mother-in-law who was firmly in charge and knew best no matter what, and in her place was a frail, broken woman, overwhelmed by the crisis unfolding in her family and not knowing what to do.
I lightly rubbed her back and also took hold of Paula’s hand, for she was looking at Geraldine as though she, too, might cry. ‘It’s all right, love,’ I said gently to her.
‘I’m sorry,’ Geraldine said, raising her head. ‘I’m upsetting everyone.’
‘There’s no need to be sorry,’ I said. ‘You have a right to be upset. You’ve been carrying a huge burden.’
She wiped her eyes. ‘Thank you for taking Kim to school this morning. Was she all right?’
‘Yes. She met up with a friend. I stayed until it was time for them to go in.’
‘I couldn’t leave Laura alone this morning. She was in such a state. And Andy had to go to work.’
‘I’m happy to help any time,’ I said. ‘I can bring Kim home from school this afternoon if you wish. But I think Laura needs to see a doctor. If she won’t go to the surgery then perhaps you could arrange a home visit.’
Geraldine shrugged despondently and reached for another tissue. ‘I don’t know. I’d have to explain to the receptionist what was so urgent.’
‘The surgery staff are bound by confidentiality,’ I said. ‘Or, if you don’t want to talk to the receptionist, you could make an appointment to see the doctor yourself.’
‘That won’t be necessary,’ a voice suddenly said.
Geraldine and I started as Laura came into the room, barefoot and in her dressing gown.
‘Oh, you’re up,’ Geraldine said, shocked and immediately standing.
‘Yes. Is that allowed?’ Laura asked caustically. ‘I’ll shower and dress later.’
‘How