All the Romance You Need This Christmas: 5-Book Festive Collection. Romy Sommer
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window at the black night sky, a million tiny stars flickering away overhead like a blanket of lunar fairy lights. ‘I will always, always love you.’
*
Walking into the bar I scanned the room, trying to find him, scared he’d upped and left, got sick of waiting for me because I was already over half an hour late. I wouldn’t blame him if he’d gone, but the thought of him not being here filled me with both relief and fear. I wanted him to be here, I really did, but at the same time, if he’d gone, then at least that meant that maybe this wasn’t to be after all. At least then I’d know.
‘I thought you weren’t coming.’
I swung round at the sound of his gorgeous, Scottish accent and I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. Surely that was a sign in itself, wasn’t it? The fact he always made me smile whenever I saw him. ‘I’m sorry, I… I had a bit of a make-up nightmare, you know how it is.’
He gave a small laugh, glancing down at his feet for a second before looking back up at me, those beautiful green eyes of his looking right into mine. ‘You’re beautiful, Jessie. You don’t need anything else to make you look any more beautiful to me.’
I gulped silently, my stomach flipping over as I just stared at him; it was all I could do because no words were coming out of my mouth. I felt like I’d been thrust head-first into some kind of amazing dream and if I never woke up again, if this was it, if this was my life now, I’d be quite happy. ‘I… I…’
‘Would you like a drink?’ Zac smiled, and I couldn’t help laughing. These past few days had felt like one long first date and it had been exhausting and confusing and fun, all at the same time.
‘Please.’
‘Come on,’ he said, still smiling as he held out his hand and I took it, letting him lead me to a cosy table in the corner of the bar near a window that was adorned with Nordic straw decorations and a candle that burned brightly on the window-sill, casting its flickering shadow onto the snow-covered ground outside. ‘I’ve already got some in. I hope you like sparkling wine.’
‘Are we celebrating something?’ I asked, settling myself down in a large, chocolate-brown chair, looking briefly outside at the huge Christmas tree with its hundreds of fairy lights that practically lit up the entire area around it with its multi-coloured glow.
‘I think we are, yes, don’t you?’
I looked at him. ‘What are we celebrating?’ I asked, picking up my glass and taking a sip, my eyes still fixed firmly on his.
‘Finding each other,’ he replied, holding my gaze as he also took a sip of wine.
‘Finding each other,’ I repeated, finally breaking eye contact to look back out of the window, focusing on a couple standing beside the Christmas tree, laughing and hugging each other and for a brief second they reminded me of Jase and me, a few Christmases ago, when we’d attended an outdoor carol concert in the centre of Tynemouth. We’d sang along at the tops of our voices, laughing and hugging each other beside the huge Christmas tree that had been erected in the centre of the village square, feeling as though nobody could ever take the happiness we felt away from us.
‘Jess?’
Zac’s voice brought me back to reality and I looked at him, at his handsome face and his kind eyes and I couldn’t stop it, that overwhelming sense of loss that swept over me like a blanket of extreme sadness, taking over everything.
‘I’ve got to go,’ I said, grabbing my jacket as I ran out of the bar, quickly pulling it on before I continued running outside into the cold and the snow but it didn’t matter. I’d had to get out of there, I’d had to.
‘Jessie!’
He’d followed me; of course he’d followed me. What had I thought he was going to do? Just shrug his shoulders, think of me as nothing more than some neurotic, emotional wreck who couldn’t keep it together, and leave well alone?
But I still wasn’t ready to face him just yet, so I ran around the corner, round the back of the hotel, running blindly because it was dark, away from the lights of the Christmas tree and the decorations. So I didn’t see the man in front of me, bumping into him with a force that almost winded me, so much so that I couldn’t scream the scream I wanted to because he could have been anyone. Lurking round the back of the hotel.
‘It is okay, it is just me, Jess. It is me, Mikku.’
I clutched my stomach as I tried to catch my breath, squinting as I looked at him. ‘Mikku? What… what are you doing here?’
‘I am taking a walk before I go home.’
It seemed a funny place to be taking a walk, but for some reason I didn’t even think to question it, instead I was filled with a realisation that I hadn’t even asked him where home was. I hadn’t asked him all that much, if I was honest, but then, when I thought about it, he’d never really given me that much of a chance.
‘Why are you running away?’ he asked me, leading me back to where there was slightly more light, his touch sending a strange buzz shooting right through me. If someone offered me a million pounds I’d never be able to tell them what I felt when he touched me. It was just so – so, different.
‘I’m not running away,’ I said, pulling my hat down further over my ears as the freezing temperatures hit me.
‘Your time here in Lapland,’ Mikku began, leaning back against the wall beside me, both of us staring out at the view of the little resort town over the road, the Christmas lights making it glow like some fairytale village, the distant noise of music and laughter the only sound we could hear. I certainly couldn’t hear Zac any more. ‘Has it changed the way you feel?’
‘About what?’ I asked, the arctic air almost burning my cheeks.
‘About your life,’ Mikku replied, turning to look at me, and once again I was taken over by that penetrating stare of his. ‘About the way you want to live it now.’
‘I… I don’t know,’ I said quietly, another wave of confusion taking over. It was all I’d felt all week – confusion and happiness, followed by more happiness, and then another bout of confusion.
‘The confusion, it will go away. If you let it,’ Mikku went on, almost as if he could read my mind, that stare of his now softer, calmer. ‘Have you told Zac about your husband?’
I shook my head. ‘I don’t think Zac and me – I don’t think it’s going to work, Mikku. It’s too soon…’
‘It’s been a year, Jessie. Is it going to be another year before you allow yourself to be happy again? Before you allow yourself to move on?’
‘And what if I’m happy to stay like I am, huh? What if that’s what I want?’
The look he gave me intensified again as he stared deep into my eyes. ‘And, is that what you want, Jessie? Is that really what you want? To live like this for the rest of your life? Alone with your memories…?’
‘I don’t want to forget him, Mikku. I can’t forget him. I can’t.’ I could feel tears start to prick the back of my eyes again and I looked up at the night sky, a sky that wasn’t black anymore, it had changed to a dark purple with an aura of light swirling around it and a thousand tiny stars scattered all over. It was quite mesmerising, and for a few seconds I couldn’t take my eyes off it. Just standing there, looking at the sky, it felt as though everything was suddenly starting to fall into place. Everything I needed to do. Everything I could have done a long time ago, if I’d let myself. But maybe I’d had to come here to see it for myself.
‘You will not forget him, Jessie. He won’t let you.’
I looked at Mikku again, his dark eyes shining as they peered into mine, his smile beautiful and serene. That was the only way I could describe him – serene.
‘You will never forget him. But he doesn’t