Trust Works: Four Keys to Building Lasting Relationships. Ken Blanchard
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the cat. “I hate to wake you once more, but I get the feeling you’re not terribly impressed.”
“Bingo,” said Whiskers. “If you want to impress me, bring me some catnip.”
The next day Woof searched the surrounding property and found a patch of fresh catnip growing in a sunny spot among some rocks. He gathered a leafy bunch in his mouth and dropped it at Whiskers’s feet.
“Very nice,” said the cat, sniffing the catnip with curiosity.
“So now are you impressed with my ability?” Woof asked hopefully.
“Not yet,” replied the cat. “After all, it could be beginner’s luck. If you really want to impress me with your competence, bring me a fish.”
“I know I haven’t been very helpful to you in the past,” said the dog, “and it’s going to take a while before you trust my skills. Getting you a fish won’t be easy, but I’m certainly going to give it my best effort.”
On Monday when Mr. and Mrs. Berryhill got home from their busy days, they sat down together over a couple of iced teas.
“How was your day at the office?” Mr. Berryhill asked his wife.
“Busy. I was nearly late picking up the kids from day care,” she replied. “How did it go today with your boss?”
“I did a lot of thinking about my situation over the weekend,” Mr. Berryhill said as he stirred his tea. “I decided that no matter how difficult it was, I was determined to get an appointment to see him today.”
“Did you have any luck?” Mrs. Berryhill asked.
“I sure did—right after lunch,” he replied.
“How’d that go?” she asked.
“My mother always said when you’re having a challenging conversation with someone, it’s always best to make a lot of ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements, because nobody can argue with your feelings. So I told him, ‘I want to thank you for your feedback last week. I also want to apologize for letting you down. I realized I’m taking on some new responsibilities that are stretching my skills. I know how busy you are, so is there anyone you can recommend in the company who could mentor me for a while? I’m excited about the opportunity and want to be Able to develop the skills required to be excellent at my job.’”
“Wow,” said Mrs. Berryhill, “I’m impressed. You were really vulnerable. How did he respond?”
“I was amazed,” said Mr. Berryhill. “He thanked me for my honesty and suggested two people who might be able to help. He got right on the phone and left both of them messages. He suggested we talk in a couple of weeks to check my progress. He said he trusted that the next couple of weeks would be good learning opportunities for me.”
“That’s terrific,” said Mrs. Berryhill.
Mr. Berryhill smiled at his wife. “Your digging for what was bothering me really helped me think it through. Thanks.”
It took a week, but after a steep learning curve and a great deal of effort, the dog snatched a small fish from a nearby pond and plopped it at the cat’s feet.
“This smells delicious,” said Whiskers, poking her nose toward the fish. “I must say, I’m beginning to be impressed.”
But Woof didn’t stop there. He surprised her the following day with a rubber ducky he’d plucked from the swimming pool. Later that week he brought her a mouse toy he found near the trash cans.
Finally, Whiskers said, “Thank you. I do appreciate the passageway in the fence and all the gifts you’ve been bringing me.”
Woof was pleased and very hopeful. “Does this mean you finally think I’m Able to help you?”
“I suppose it does,” said the cat.
“Now will you trust me?” asked the dog.
“Trust you? No. It’s all well and good that you can dig holes and hunt for cat treasures. But just because you’re able to do these things doesn’t mean I can trust you. There are other issues.”
“Other issues? Like what?” asked Woof.
The cat sighed and shook her sleek little head. “I don’t have time to get into that. Look, cats and dogs just don’t get along. It’s common knowledge.”
With that, she put her tail in the air and walked away, making clear that the conversation was over.
Disappointed that Whiskers didn’t yet trust him, Woof sought out Presley the parrot.
“For weeks now I’ve been doing my best to show the cat that I’m Able to help her,” Woof said.
“Yes, so I’ve heard,” said Presley. “Rumor has it you’ve done well, so why the long face?”
Hanging his head, Woof said, “Whiskers still doesn’t trust me. She says there are ‘other issues.’”
The parrot nodded thoughtfully. “Don’t be so discouraged, Woof,” he said. “You’re not going to win Whiskers’s trust—and vice versa—in the blink of an eye. Building trust takes time.”
“But surely there’s more I can do to show Whiskers I’m trustworthy,” said the dog.
“There certainly is,” said the parrot. “Now that you’ve demonstrated you are Able, you must show Whiskers you are Believable.”
“How do I do that?” Woof asked.
“You must act with integrity,” said the parrot. “That means that if Whiskers tells you something in confidence, you’ll keep it to yourself and not bark it all over town.”
Woof was taken aback. Come to think of it, he had barked about a few of the cat’s confidences over the years.
“Furthermore,” said the parrot, “when you do something wrong, you must admit to it and apologize for it.”
“I can do that,” said Woof.
“But if you want to be Believable, the most important thing is to stay honest. That means no exaggerating—or minimizing—the truth.”
Woof nodded, realizing that he had been known to stretch the truth a bit.
Building trust takes time.
“Being honest means that if you give Whiskers your word, you have to follow through on it so she knows that the words coming from your mouth will match your behavior.”
“Is there anything else I need to know about being Believable?” the dog asked.
“Actually, there are quite a few things you need to know,” the parrot said. “When you’re faced with a tough decision, be fair in your choices. Be sincere in word and deed. Avoid being judgmental. Show respect for others.”
“It sounds like being Believable is a character issue,” Woof said.
“That’s right,” said the parrot. “Being Believable isn’t a simple trick you can learn, like fetching a stick. It requires looking inside at your motives.”
So for the next several weeks Woof did some soul-searching. He realized that Whiskers would come to trust him only when she saw what a good dog he was, deep down. As he was searching his heart, he remembered the day he had chased Whiskers up the tree. At the time he claimed it was due to overexcitement, but now that he was being honest with himself, he admitted he’d gotten a perverse pleasure in seeing the cat be so afraid.
It was time to make amends.
When you act with integrity, you are BELIEVABLE, which builds trust.
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