Before We Say Goodbye: Preparing for a Good Death. Ray Simpson
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CYCLE OF REBIRTH
Flowers blooming and fading, the sun rising and setting, animals hibernating and mating – the cycle of dying and rebirth is all around us. Is it not also within us?
When you are bursting with life in the pleasure of bright sunshine, say a prayer like the following, in order to connect your now with your end:
As the sun above pours its love on my body,
So at the hour of my death
Pour your grace on my soul.
Find something that you can place in the palm of your hand and gaze at. Keep gazing until you become aware of the mystery to which this points.
It is not possible to die well if we see life as our unchanging possession and death as its thief.
What then are you, human life?
You are the road to life, not life itself.
You are a real road but not a level one.
Long for some, short for others,
Broad for some, narrow for others,
Joyful for some, sad for others,
For all alike, fleeting and irrevocable.
A road is what you are, a road,
But you are not clear to all.
Many see you
And few understand you to be a road.
For you are so wily and enticing
That few know you are a road.
Therefore you are to be questioned
But not believed and given bail.
You are to be traversed but not inhabited…
For no one dwells on a road, but travels it
So that those who walk upon the road
May dwell in their homeland.
COLUMBANUS8
I have done my best in the race of life,
I have run the full distance…
Now the prize of victory awaits me.
PAUL OF TARSUS
START WITH LIFE’S LITTLE DEATHS
We ourselves, in some cases, prudently choose a partial death. A mangled, painful limb which cannot be restored we willingly cut off. He who plucks out a tooth parts with it freely, since then pain goes with it. And he who quits the whole body parts at once with all pains and possibilities of pains and diseases which it was liable to. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
Our last day on earth is best thought of as our final, rather than as our only death. There are lots of ‘little deaths’ before that. In one sense, this is good news. It gives us a chance to practise going through little deaths without fear and even with flair.
We encounter little deaths whenever we experience loss. The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche pointed out that, ‘The dying person has probably lost during the course of life things more important than what they are about to lose by dying.’
We can experience loss of all the following:
• A friendship
• An ambition
• A job
• A home
• A bodily part
• Good looks
• Self-esteem
• Reputation
• Security
The way we handle loss often proves to be more important than the fact of loss in itself. Out of every defeat a victory can be snatched.
My train or car breaks down. This thwarts my strong desire to be present at an event that is important to me. My instinct is to be angry, to become tense, and not to be present to myself or to those around me. I have a choice, however. I can choose to say, ‘God, I place into your hands the situation I was bound for … Now I place into your hands the situation I find myself in.’ Whenever our ego wants its own way and we allow it to ‘die’, we are, gently and gradually, preparing for our final death.
Why not think through some current or possible little deaths of which you are conscious? Practise embracing loss, and using it as a foundation for building something deeper and more lasting.
Every time we go to sleep it is a little death, for we sink into unconsciousness and lose control of our life.
A dying person needs to die as a sleepy person needs to sleep. There comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist. NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST STEWART ALSOP, D. 1974
Christians and others often think of sleep as a nightly foretaste of death. Therefore, as we practise laying down in rest, we also practise laying down our lives in our final rest.
To sleep requires us to let go of things that preoccupy us and to trust ourselves to the unknown, to the dark, to the possibility of a new dawn following a period of unconsciousness.
Breathe deeply. Relax. As you breathe out, let all that is past ebb away. Then breathe in the sweet, renewing grace of sleep.
This is an instinctive act of trust. This small amount of trust can grow into the greater trust needed for the last time we sleep on earth.
The following is a good prayer to repeat before sleep:
Sleep, sleep, and away with sorrow,
Sleep in the arms of Jesus.
Sleep in the calm of all calm,
Sleep in the love of all loves.
Sleep in the lap of the Lord of life.
At the point of death we have to relinquish control of our body, our brain, our timetable, our relationships, our programme – of everything. This is very difficult for some of us. If we are not used to doing this in lesser ways, it can create enormous tension, unhappiness and even violent death throes.
It makes sense to practise making transitions now. Nature provides examples of creatures who make transitions which can encourage us. The plant-eating tadpole makes the gradual transition into an insect-eating toad. The water creature loses its gills and gains lungs which enable the toad to breathe air. The intestines shorten and legs grow.
Scientists tell