10 If I’m in the right relationship, it will feel naturally harmonious, and we won’t have to work that hard to make it work.
Now total up your points:
80–100 Points: Congratulations! You have a high love IQ. You are realistic in your understanding of relationships and realize that love is not enough to make a relationship work—it takes communication, compatibility, and hard work. To avoid future problems, work on those areas in which you have a low score.
60–79 Points: Your love IQ isn’t bad, but it could be better. You are still letting your romantic ideals and fantasies determine your attitudes about relationships. Pay more attention to how you are feeling and not to how you want the relationship to look. Don’t be so afraid of conflict. Remind yourself that true love doesn’t mean things have to be ‘perfect’ all the time. The exercises in this book will help you raise your Love IQ.
40–59 Points: Warning! Your Love IQ is dangerously low, but you probably already know this because you have been hurt so much in relationships. The reason you continue to be disappointed in love is that you don’t pay enough attention to whom you are with. You put your partners on a pedestal and are more ‘in love with love’ than with them. If you want to stop suffering and be happier, you will need to make some major changes in the way you choose and behave in relationships. Use the information in the rest of this book to become much smarter about love.
0–39 Points: Emergency! Your Love IQ is so low that you are guaranteed to get your heart broken over and over again. Your love life needs immediate attention. It’s time to grow up and leave your fantasy world behind. Your relationships can work, but only if you commit yourself to understanding what you’ve been doing wrong and learn how to make better choices for yourself. Stop blaming the partners who have let you down and take a good, hard look at how you set up relationships to fail from the beginning. The rest of this book will help you find the answers you need to create healthy relationships.
If you ended up with a very low Love IQ, don’t feel too badly. When I first devised this quiz and took it myself, I scored a meager 28 points! Obviously I knew that these ten statements about love were unhealthy attitudes, but I tried to be totally honest with myself about how I have viewed love in my past, and that’s how I scored 28 points. By the time you finish reading this book, your Love IQ will be much higher and your confidence in your ability to make successful love choices will be much greater.
UNCOVERING YOUR LOVE MYTHS
Have you ever convinced yourself you were in love when you were really in lust?
Have you ever been involved with a partner who was all wrong for you and not realized it until months or even years later?
Do you ignore the problems in your relationship because you don’t want to ‘rock the boat’?
Have you had a habit of mistaking drama and tension for true love?
Have you ever talked yourself into staying with someone who was mistreating you because your relationship ‘looks good’ on the outside?
Do you ever question a really healthy relationship because you don’t feel head over heels in love with your partner all the time?
Do you suspect that you choose partners with whom you are not compatible and ignore the people with whom you could be truly compatible?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s because you’ve been affected by what I call …
THE FIVE DEADLY MYTHS ABOUT LOVE
Love myths are beliefs many of us have about love and romance that actually prevent us from making intelligent love choices. These beliefs or attitudes are false notions about relationships that we develop from:
Watching television and movies.
Reading romantic novels.
Never being taught about love.
Consciously and unconsciously, we base our decisions in relationships on these Love Myths. Let’s look at five of the most deadly Love Myths. As you read each one, think not only of your present relationship but about your past relationships as well.
1 TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL.
2 WHEN ITS REALLY TRUE LOVE, YOU WILL KNOW IT THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON.
3 THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUE LOVE IN THE WORLD WHO IS RIGHT FOR YOU.
4 THE PERFECT PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY IN EVERY WAY.
5 WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE POWERFUL SEXUAL CHEMISTRY WITH SOMEONE, IT MUST BE LOVE.
Love Myth 1
True Love Conquers All
Deep in our hearts, we all secretly believe this myth about love—that if we really love our partner, we will be able to make the relationship work. No problem, no conflict, no set of circumstances is insurmountable if we just love enough.
Exercise: Think back to your past relationships, or to problems in your present relationship, and fill in the blank to this sentence for yourself. Make a list of at least a dozen responses that refer to different partners you have had.
If I love my partner enough, it won’t matter that (problem)
If I love my partner enough, it won’t matter that __________
If I love my partner enough, it won’t matter that:
