THE SMITHY & NOBBY COLLECTION: 6 Novels & 90+ Stories in One Edition. Edgar Wallace
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21. Brothers
I myself would be the last man in the world to suspect Nobby Clark of justifying or attempting to justify the questionable conduct of his father. He had a clear appreciation both of his parent’s genius and shortcomings, and valued both at their worth. That is how I read his attitude of mind. I think Private Clark is possessed of a large charity of mind. I imagine that he is generous and lenient in some degrees when he finds himself reviewing his father’s acts, but if, in his filial respect, he cannot condemn, there is a certain irony in his tone when he tells these stories which makes it quite apparent that he does not condone.
“Me father was highly respected by his family,” explained Nobby once. “Uncle Jim, Uncle George, an’ Uncle Alf couldn’t say enough about father an’ the way he was looked up to by all his relations.
“Uncle Alf wouldn’t have anybody but father to bail him out, an’ the way Uncle Jim’s family used to come and live with us when Uncle Jim was doin’ four months for jumpin’ on a policeman, was very touchin’.
“Then in the summertime, when there was no unemployed work going on, Uncle George used to come an’ pay us a visit, an’ once I remember all three uncles with their families came at once.
“‘You’re a true brother,’ sez Uncle George; ‘an’ if you can ever make a bit out of me or Alf or Jim you’re free to do so.’
“‘Hear, hear,’ sez me other uncles.
“Father kept the advice in his mind, an’ the first time there was a reward offered for Uncle Jim (‘believed to be concerned with others in breakin’ an’ enterin’) father stepped in an’ took the prize.
“‘It ain’t much that I can do to get back the money they’ve cost me,’ sez me father; ‘but what I can do I will do with a cheerful heart.’
“Father went to see Uncle Jim in Wormwood Scrubs.
“‘I didn’t think you’d put me away for six months.’ sez Uncle Jim.
“‘I didn’t think I would myself,’ sez father. I thought you’d get two years.’
“Relations are best apart, especially poor relations, if you don’t happen to be so poor as them, an’ I’ve never known, so far as the army goes, any brothers who lived together in harmony longer than four months.
“It stands to reason, in a way, that brothers get on badly. They know each other too well, an’ half the secret of keepin’ friends with another feller is not to know anythin’ about him, except the side he cares to show.
“Brothers are fairly common in the army, because soldierin’ runs in some families like measles, an’ crooked noses, but the two strangest brothers I ever know’d was the Joneses — B. Jones an’ H. Jones. It was a long time before we knew they was brothers, because one of ’em was in ‘B’ Company an’ the other in ‘H’ — that’s how they got their initials.
“The first time I ever thought they was brothers was when H. Jones came into B. Jones’s room an’ borrowed his blackin’ brushes without askin’. That was a pretty sure sign they was related. They never walked out in town together, never drank together, an’ one took as much notice of the other as if he’d been a fly on the wall.
“I sez to one of ’em — to ‘B.’ —
“‘You’re a funny sort of feller,’ sez I, ‘not to have anythin’ to do with your own brother — it don’t seem natural.’
“‘What don’t seem natural to me,’ he sez politely. ‘is for you to see anybody else’s business goin’ on without wantin’ to stick your long ugly nose in!’
“‘B. Jones,’ I sez sternly. ‘I’m actin’ for the best; as man to man, for the sake of peace an’ harmony, an’ for two pins I’d swipe the head off you.’
“I left ’em alone after that, but me an’ the other chaps used to wonder what it was that’d, so to speak, come between two brotherly hearts.
“‘I shouldn’t be surprised,’ sez Spud Murphy, ‘if one of ’em hasn’t done the other out of the family property; I’ve read cases like it in books.’
“Spud always was a bit romantic, an’ that was the sort of book he read.
“‘Perhaps B.’s the real heir to the property, an’ H. is a changeling,’ he sez, ‘perhaps the wicked earl done ’em both out—’
“‘To be continued in our next,’ sez Smithy, very nasty, ‘perhaps they’re only ordinary brothers who are fed up with one another, just as me an’ Nobby are fed up with you.’
“It wasn’t long after this that Mr. Kroojer began pilin’ his burjers on the border, an’ the Anchester Regiment, bein’ — though I say it as shouldn’t — one of the best regiments in the army, was sent out.
“It was tough work in South Africa, the toughest work that most soldiers have done, an’ somehow the Anchesters always got in the hot an’ hungry places.
“We hadn’t been in the country three months before we had a casualty list as long as the Rowley Mile, an’ what with the closin’ up of the ranks, an’ the reconstruction of companies, B. Jones an’ H. Jones got into the same company.
“Considerin’ we was fightin’ every day, an’ livin’ on half rations most of the time, you’d have thought that these two chaps would have shown a more companionable spirit, but not they. Somehow war, an’ the dangers of war, made no difference. They was on noddin’ terms, borrered little things from one another, but each went his own way.
“If they’d been people in books they’d been fallin’ on one another’s necks after every fight, but they was just ordinary folks an’ did nothin.’
“This went on all through the war, an’ toward the end our battalion was ordered out to march with a convoy through the Western Transvaal.
“Our job was to guard it, an’ it needed a bit of guardin’.
“We’d hardly got ten miles out of Klerksdorp when Dela Rey come down on us, an’ it took us four hours to fight his commando off. Next day De Wet, who was in that neighbourhood, saw us an’ came along to pick us up. But it was our early closin’ day, an’ De Wet went away sick an’ sorry. Then when we was halfway on our journey, three commandoes combined to settle us for good, an’ at dawn one mornin’ began a fight which lasted till sunset. We held a little hill to the right of the convoy, an’ this position bore the whole of the attack.
“It was the only time durin’ the war that I ever saw the Boers charge a position, an’ twice that day we had to give way before their attacks. When night came, one out of every four men had been hit.
“We posted strong guards that night expectin’ an attack, an’ we got all we expected.
“Firin’ began before sun-up. Some of the Boers took up a position on a ridge where they could shoot from good cover, an’ two companies were ordered to clear the ridge. A an’ B companies went an’ did it. We took the position with the bayonet, an’ then found that it wasn’t worth holdin’.
“We got the order to retire on our main post, an’ started to march away. Halfway down the slope lay a wounded Boer. He wasn’t a real Boer, bein’ a half-breed nigger, but as we passed he raised himself up an’ shouted ‘Water!’
“‘Fall out Jones,’ sez the officer, an’ give that man a drink.’
“What happened exactly I don’t know. We went marchin’ on, leavin’ Jones behind, an’ suddenly I heard the crack