ABASEMENT, n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer.

      ABATIS, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.

      ABDICATION, n. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne.

      Poor Isabella's Dead, whose abdication

      Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation.

      For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her:

      She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her.

      To History she'll be no royal riddle—

      Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle.

      G.J.

      ABDOMEN, n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights, all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence for the one deity that men really adore they know not. If woman had a free hand in the world's marketing the race would become graminivorous.

      ABILITY, n. The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn.

      ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

      ABORIGINIES, n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

      ABRACADABRA.

      By Abracadabra we signify

      An infinite number of things.

      'Tis the answer to What? and How? and Why?

      And Whence? and Whither?—a word whereby

      The Truth (with the comfort it brings)

      Is open to all who grope in night,

      Crying for Wisdom's holy light.

      Whether the word is a verb or a noun

      Is knowledge beyond my reach.

      I only know that 'tis handed down.

      From sage to sage,

      From age to age—

      An immortal part of speech!

      Of an ancient man the tale is told

      That he lived to be ten centuries old,

      In a cave on a mountain side.

      (True, he finally died.)

      The fame of his wisdom filled the land,

      For his head was bald, and you'll understand

      His beard was long and white

      And his eyes uncommonly bright.

      Philosophers gathered from far and near

      To sit at his feet and hear and hear,

      Though he never was heard

      To utter a word

      But "Abracadabra, abracadab,

      Abracada, abracad,

      Abraca, abrac, abra, ab!"

      'Twas all he had,

      'Twas all they wanted to hear, and each

      Made copious notes of the mystical speech,

      Which they published next—

      A trickle of text

      In a meadow of commentary.

      Mighty big books were these,

      In number, as leaves of trees;

      In learning, remarkable—very!

      He's dead,

      As I said,

      And the books of the sages have perished,

      But his wisdom is sacredly cherished.

      In Abracadabra it solemnly rings,

      Like an ancient bell that forever swings.

      O, I love to hear

      That word make clear

      Humanity's General Sense of Things.

      Jamrach Holobom

      ABRIDGE, v.t. To shorten.

      When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for

      people to abridge their king, a decent respect for the opinions of

      mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel

      them to the separation.

      Oliver Cromwell

      ABRUPT, adj. Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon- shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another author's ideas that they were "concatenated without abruption."

      ABSCOND, v.i. To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the property of another.

      Spring beckons! All things to the call respond;

      The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

      Phela Orm

      ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.

      To men a man is but a mind. Who cares

      What face he carries or what form he wears?

      But woman's body is the woman. O,

      Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go,

      But heed the warning words the sage hath said:

      A woman absent is a woman dead.

      Jogo Tyree

      ABSENTEE, n. A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.

      ABSOLUTE, adj. Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the sovereign's power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance.

      ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

      Said a man to a crapulent youth: "I thought

      You a total