The Secret To Happiness. Jessica Redland
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Karen
‘Thank you so much for changing the day,’ Pippa said when she met Karen outside Blue Savannah for a PT session. ‘I felt awful asking if you could do a Friday evening but with me working away, it was either Fridays or skip PT for a month.’
‘Honestly, it’s no bother.’ Karen knew she’d have spent the evening stewing over Bay Runners so Pippa’s call had been a welcome diversion.
‘As long as I’m not ruining the start to your weekend.’
‘Far from it. Come on, then, let’s start with a gentle jog round to the beach huts.’
As they jogged, Karen tried to take in most of what Pippa was saying, but her mind was elsewhere. After their row last Thursday, Ryan hadn’t returned until the early hours. He’d whispered her name and even prodded her but, unable to face another argument, she’d pretended to be asleep. The following morning, she’d been up early to run bootcamp and, when she returned, Ryan had left for his PT sessions. They’d both been working over the weekend and, in the brief moments they’d been together, the atmosphere had been tense.
On Sunday night, Ryan had wandered into the lounge. ‘We need to talk,’ he said.
Karen’s heart sank. That sounded like the opening lines to an ‘it’s over’ conversation. It couldn’t be. Not after thirteen years together. Not after one stupid row and a weekend of sulking.
‘Go on, then,’ she said, hoping her voice sounded stronger than she felt.
‘What happened on Thursday night?’ he asked.
‘You went out with Steff because you forgot you’d made plans with me.’
Ryan shook his head. ‘That’s not what I mean. It’s your reaction that I don’t understand. I’ve forgotten about plans before and you’ve laughed about it. You haven’t stormed off to bed.’
‘I only did that because you’d screwed up so spectacularly.’ She was aware that she was shouting. What was happening to them? They never rowed. Bay Runners had done this to them. Ever since he’d started that bloody running club, it had been all work and no play and it had stretched them to snapping point.
‘How?’ Ryan demanded. ‘How did I screw up spectacularly? What was so special about Thursday night?’
‘You really don’t know, do you?’
‘Not a clue. And don’t go all cryptic on me again because we need to sort this out.’
Karen stared at him for a moment, then stood up. ‘Wait here.’ She ran up to their bedroom on the top floor and retrieved a small package from her bedside drawer. Running back down the two flights of stairs, she sat down and handed the wrapped gift to Ryan. ‘This is why I was so pissed off with you.’
‘Do you want me to open it?’ he asked, looking puzzled.
‘If you want to know how badly you screwed up, that might be a good idea.’
Ryan ripped open the paper. Prising open the lid on the watch box, his eyes widened. ‘What’s this for?’
‘Take it out and turn it over.’
On the back of the watch was an engraved message: 13 years. Unlucky for some, but not for us. Always yours, Karen xxx
‘Shit,’ he said. ‘Thirteen years together and five years since I proposed.’
‘Now he gets it. Give the man a trophy.’ She winced at the sarcasm.
He took her hand in his, guilt written all over his face. ‘I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.’
Yet, so far, the promise had come to nothing. There’d been no suggestion of going out for a meal or even a drink. There’d been no flowers. There’d been no gifts. In fact, nothing had changed. They were still like two ships passing in the night.
‘… and I was wondering what you thought about that.’
Karen glanced across at Pippa. She’d completely zoned out. ‘Sorry, Pip. I was deciding whether to keep running or do some core work and I missed that. What did you ask me?’
For the rest of the session, Karen concentrated hard. The focus and attention she gave her clients was what generated repeat business and recommendations, yet here she was switching off when one of her more interesting and committed clients was talking. Sessions with Pippa were usually filled with laughter and fascinating conversation, yet Karen couldn’t remember laughing once and that was all thanks to Ryan. He might have lost interest in PT and bootcamps in favour of distance running, but they were still Karen’s passion and the reason the three of them had established Bay Fitness. She wasn’t going to let him spoil it for her or for her clients.
‘You did really well tonight,’ Karen said to Pippa when they’d finished stretching out after the session. ‘I can see some big improvements. How do you feel?’
‘Amazing. Six months ago, I couldn’t have run for a bus and now I can run… I’m not actually sure how far I can run, but the point is I can run. I’ve got strength and stamina and it’s all thanks to you.’
Karen smiled. ‘It’s thanks to you, Pip. You’re the one who’s put in the hard work. All I did was give you some structure.’
Pippa shook her head. ‘And you motivated me, and you made me believe in myself, and you pushed me when I thought I had nothing left and made me achieve that little bit more. It’s definitely thanks to you.’
Karen waved her hand. ‘Aw, stop it. You’ll make me cry, and I never cry.’ Her smile faltered as she thought about last Thursday and the sobbing mess she’d been after Ryan stormed out. ‘I’ll see you at the same time next Friday.’
As she set off back to her car, Karen’s thoughts returned to the situation at home. Not only was Bay Runners going to remain a regular Friday evening fixture, but Steff and Ryan were also hoping to fit in another couple of evenings, perhaps after bootcamps. Great. Evenings on her own were about to become the norm.
Driving home, her stomach was in knots. When did Ryan think they were actually going to see each other? Or was that the point? After all these years, had he gone off her? Was he pulling away because he didn’t want to be with her anymore? No. That couldn’t be it. Until the non-anniversary, he’d still kissed her every day with passion – not just a perfunctory peck on the lips. They still made love regularly, despite the time apart, and it never felt like just-a-quickie-because-perhaps-they-should. So what was it? If it wasn’t for Steff being gay, Karen might have been worried that they were having an affair. How did Steff’s girlfriend, Mia, feel about all the time Steff and Ryan were spending together? Was she finding it a problem or was she supportive of the new business venture? Perhaps that’s all there was to it: Ryan was distracted with the work involved in making a success of something new and he wasn’t impressed at Karen’s lack of support. She’d try to make a bit more of an effort, but he had to accept that some compromise was needed on his part too or there was no point in being together.
Karen shuddered and turned up the volume on Bay Radio, trying to push the idea of life without Ryan firmly out of her mind. They’d been together for so long. Facing the future without him didn’t bear thinking about.
Ryan’s car was parked on the drive when she arrived home and, for a brief moment, hope filled her that he’d have told Steff to manage Bay Runners on her own. As if. Steff would have picked him up and Karen would be spending the night in front of the TV eating a microwaved jacket potato and salad for one. Whoopee.
With a heavy heart, she unlocked the door, hung her backpack up on a peg and kicked off her trainers, inhaling the unmistakable aroma of Ryan’s special chicken Balti. He must have made it ready for his return.