Snap. Patti Wood
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preferred greeting for initial meetings by 84 percent of women and 98 percent of men.
Many cultures have greeting rituals — from handshakes to bows to namastes. They all create a stop position that puts greeters at a safe distance and gives each person a full view of the other’s body from the feet to the top of the head. Basic handshake rules in North America: walk up to a person, stop approximately sixteen inches away, and shake hands. In business, we greet someone in this manner and then step back to stand a minimum of two and a half feet away to talk.
Often there is no other form of touch in the critical first four minutes of an interaction. If you don’t shake hands, you miss out on so much. In my experience, many awkward first encounters that end with miscommunication occur because the parties did not have the safety check of a handshake. I’m not sure why this is true, but if you think back through your own encounters, you will likely find that those without handshakes did not go as well as those with handshakes. Shaking hands provides vital information and an opportunity to connect, so don’t skip this important greeting.
When Do You Shake Hands?
This is one of the top questions asked by my audience members. The general guidelines for when to shake are as follows:
• When you are introduced
• When you say good-bye
• When an outsider visits you in your office or place of business
• When you seal a deal or finish signing a contract
• When you offer congratulations
• When you encounter someone you know from a business or social relationship outside the confines of your office
• When you first enter a business or social setting and greet people you already know
• When you exit any business meeting, especially those attended by outsiders
• When you want to signal that your interaction with a stranger has become more significant than it was when you first began. (If you’ve ever had a conversation with a stranger on an airplane, you probably didn’t shake hands until you knew you wanted to talk further. Sometimes people won’t shake hands until the end of the flight; they shake then to indicate that they enjoyed the conversation and would like to speak again.)
• When you want to show others in the room that you respect and accept a certain person, and to demonstrate that you regard that person as safe
• When you want to show another person that the space she is entering into, and the group she is joining, is safe.
There are many opportunities to shake hands, and each one offers a wealth of information.
The Body Language of Handshakes
We subconsciously read open, empty palms as indications that a person will be honest, open, and trustworthy. It is not surprising that religious leaders and religious figures throughout the ages have been depicted with open palms facing forward.
Biologically, the hands’ temperature and the moisture of the hands, too, communicate important information. Hands get cold under stress. When we shake hands with someone whose hands are cold, our primal brain reacts with a danger response — “This person isn’t calm; is that because he’s nervous, afraid, or about to attack?” The palms of the hands sweat in response to stress; so if you have sweaty palms, this will signal to others that you are nervous and may be dangerous.2
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