The New Father. Armin A. Brott
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diary of when your baby cries, how long the crying spells last, and what (if anything) works to slow him down can really help. Some babies like to thrash around and cry a little (or a lot) before going to sleep; others don’t.
• If your partner is breastfeeding, watch what she eats. This is especially important if the baby suddenly and inexplicably deviates from his normal crying routine. Broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, and milk, when consumed by nursing mothers, may result in gastrically distressed (and weepy) babies.
After you’ve tried soothing, feeding, changing the diaper, checking for uncomfortable clothing, and rocking, the baby may still continue to howl. Sometimes there’s really nothing you can do about it (see the next section, “Coping with Crying”), but sometimes all it takes is a new approach. Here are a few alternatives you might want to try:
• Hold the baby differently. Not all babies like to be held facing you; some want to face out so they can see the world. One of the most successful ways I’ve learned to soothe a crying baby—and I’ve tried this on many kids besides my own—is the Magic Baby Hold. Quite simply, have the baby “sit” facing you in the palm of your hand—thumb in front, the other fingers on the baby’s bottom. Then have the baby lie face down on your forearm, with his head resting on the inside of your elbow. Use your other hand to stroke or pat his back.
• Distraction. Offer a toy, a story, a song. If that works, be prepared to repeat it over and over and over. And don’t be surprised if whatever stops the crying today seems to make it worse tomorrow. Babies are just like that.
• Make some noise. Singing is good, or try one of those machines that make thunder, rain, ocean, and jungle sounds that many babies find soothing. Running a vacuum cleaner or tuning a portable radio to static has worked for some new parents.
• Give the baby something to suck on. Just take a guess why they call them “pacifiers.” If you don’t approve of pacifiers, you can either help the baby suck on his own fingers or loan out one of yours (for more on pacifiers, see pages 198–99).
• Give the baby a bath. Some babies find warm water soothing. Others freak out when they get wet. If you do decide to try bathing a crying infant, don’t do it alone. Holding on to a calm soapy baby can be a challenge. Keeping a grip on a squirming, screaming, soapy baby takes a team of highly trained specialists.
• Wrap him up. Swaddle him in a lightweight blanket, snuggle with him skin-to-skin in your arms, and/or put him into a front pack (no matter how strong you think you are, carrying a baby around—even a newborn—is rough on the arms and back).
• Get moving. Take the baby for a walk—sometimes a change of scenery is all it takes. If that doesn’t work, try rocking the baby in your arms, putting him into a baby swing, taking him for a ride in the car, or putting him on top of a running washing machine or dryer—but do not walk away, even for a second. You might also try a car-ride simulator (a device that, when attached to the baby’s crib, vibrates and makes sounds like a car).
• Call the doc. Your pediatrician may prescribe medication that can help in certain situations. If your partner is breastfeeding, the doc may also suggest that she drink herbal tea (chamomile, licorice, and a few others—but talk to the doctor before she starts), or that she eliminate some common allergens (wheat, nuts, milk, eggs) from her diet. If you’re using formula, the doc may suggest switching to a more hypo-allergenic brand.
Your Baby on Drugs?
During the entire time that your partner is breastfeeding, there’s a risk that almost any drug she takes—whether it’s for pain or for some kind of chronic or acute medical condition—could get passed into her milk and affect the baby. Most of the time the risk is very small, but sometimes it’s not. Unfortunately, a lot of doctors aren’t familiar with the potential risks medications pose to lactating mothers and nursing infants. As a result, they may either prescribe something that’s potentially dangerous or suggest that the woman stop breastfeeding. There is an easier solution.
LactMed is a free, online, searchable database (run by the U.S. National Library of Medicine. It’s a comprehensive listing of prescription and nonprescription drugs, herbal remedies, other chemicals, and even illegal drugs, which are evaluated for safety to both mother and baby during breastfeeding. They even suggest safer alternatives where available. You can access it at toxnet.nlm.nih.gov/newtoxnet/lactmed.htm. You’ll find a few more options in the Resources appendix.
Coping with Crying
Starting at about two weeks of age, some 10–20 percent of healthy, well-fed babies develop colic—a word that strikes fear in the hearts of parents everywhere. The official definition is “crying more than three hours a day, more than three days a week, for more than three months. But for the rest of us, colic is crying that goes on and on and on and just won’t stop. Although many colicky babies limit their crying to certain times of the day, some cry all day or all night or get progressively fussier as the day goes on. The duration and intensity of crying spells peaks at about six weeks, and usually disappears entirely within three months.
“See what Daddy has for you if you stop crying?”
As hard as crying is on your baby, it’s going to take a toll on you and your partner too. Here are some things that may help you cope:
• Go to the drugstore. Some parents have been able to relieve (partially or completely) their colicky infants with an over-the-counter gas remedy for adults. But before you give any medication to your child, talk to your doctor about whether she thinks taking this medication would help.
• Tag-team crying duty. There’s no reason why both of you should have to suffer together through what the psychiatrist Martin Greenberg calls “the tyranny of crying.” Spelling each other in twenty-minute or half-hour shifts will do you both a world of good. Getting a little exercise during your “time off” will also calm your nerves before your next shift starts.
• If you’re bottle-feeding the baby, try changing his formula. Some pediatricians suspect that colic may be linked to a milk intolerance and suggest switching to a non-cow’s-milk formula.
• Hold the baby facing you. Put his head over your shoulder with your shoulder pressing on his stomach.
• Hold the baby a little less. I know this completely contradicts my suggestion a few paragraphs ago to hold the baby more, but some doctors believe that babies may cry because their nervous systems aren’t mature enough to handle the stimulation that comes with being held and stroked and talked to. But don’t do this unless your physician advises you to.
• Put a hot water bottle on your knees. Place the baby face down across it to warm his tummy, and stroke his back.
• Baby massage (see pages 85–88).
• Try swaddling. Being enveloped in a blanket may make the baby feel more comfortable.
• Let the baby “cry it out.” If you’ve tried everything you can think of and the crying has gone on for more than twenty minutes, put the baby in his crib and give yourself a break. If the baby doesn’t stop screaming after five minutes, pick him up and try to soothe him again some other way for ten more minutes. Repeat as necessary. Note: The “crying it out” approach should be used only after you’ve tried everything else. Generally speaking, you should respond promptly and lovingly to your baby’s cries. Several studies show that babies who are responded to in this way develop into more confident youngsters.
• Get some help. Dealing with a crying child for even a few minutes can provoke incredible rage and frustration. And if the screams go on for hours, it can become truly difficult to maintain your sanity, let alone control your temper. If you find