Saudade. Traci Brimhall

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Saudade - Traci Brimhall


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in a canoe under a dead fisherman.

      MARIA DE LOURDES

      One said he’d pack us in a sack when he shipped his manioc.

      MARIA APARECIDA

      One promised to write us a poem whose music would transport us over the Andes, even if our bodies remained here.

      MARIA THEREZA

      My brides, said the first, offering a hook.

      MARIA MADALENA

      Beloveds, said the second, holding a rose.

      MARIA DE LOURDES

      Muses, wrote the third, slipping notes in each of our pockets.

      MARIA HELENA

      We chose.

      After the Plantation Fire

      We buried the bodies and danced — we had to.

      Beneath the sagging porch, generators roared,

      mosquitoes sated themselves on wild dogs, boats

      approaching on the river loaded with soldiers

      killed their engines. We told them the fire had nothing

      to do with the revolution. I’ve made the choice

      between brushing flies from a child’s eyes or digging

      a grave deeper. It’s easier than you’d think. So what

      if I knew who he was when he sidled close —

      hat tilted back, caipirinha in his hand — and matched

      his hips with mine? I toyed with his buttons, felt scars

      through his shirt. I didn’t tell him where our daughter

      had gone or what my husband had done. He kissed

      the blood blisters on my fingertips and never asked

      how I got them. That’s not why he’d come.

      When soldiers broke the lights and the musicians’ arms,

      I brought him to the burned plantation, hid his face beneath

      my skirt and leaned against a rubber tree — still alive

      and leaking sap. Somewhere in the new dark, a man

      in a uniform cut off another man’s tongue and ordered him

      to sing. Wind pushed the flames closer to heaven.

      How I Lost Seven Faiths

      I was given my first god as a child, a side-speared redeemer

      who rose and walked after death but whose broken body

      hung over his transubstantiated blood. When my daughter

      vanished, I adopted a book of spells in a foreign tongue.

      When my homophonic translations of curses didn’t give me

      my daughter back or even a sign, I tried the rabbi who lived

      in his tomb twenty-three hours a day and came out at noon

      to eat hummingbird tongues served in mango compote

      and honey. After my rabbinical miracle wore off I tried

      divination by umbrellas and solar devotion but gave them up

      for the euphoric theology of handling snakes. I lost faith in that,

      too, when I woke to a constrictor choking on my big toe.

      My undisciplined doubt didn’t sharpen my questions or make

      the harem of angels stop haunting my godless mind. Better,

      people said. It would get better. But I didn’t want better.

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