Just Get Me Through This! - Revised and Updated. Deborah A. Cohen
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business issues at hand, you will demonstrate your strength, reinforce your capabilities, and provide information and awareness that will alleviate coworkers’ concerns. Furthermore, you will hopefully help to make the workplace a bit more comfortable for the one out of two men, and one out of three women who will be diagnosed with some type of cancer in this century.
The Only Work Pressure on You Is You. With Planning, Everyone Else Will Understand.
Although you may want to help shatter the myths of cancer in the workplace, if you need a break, give yourself a break. Let them worry about the business, while you worry about yourself for the near future. Don’t put any undue pressure on yourself to perform right now. After all, as much as you want to be strong and a role model at work, you do have a life-threatening disease (even though you try not to remind yourself of this fact). Your employer survived just fine before you arrived, so they’ll do just fine without you for a short time, if that’s what you want (unless you’re self-employed, and then, hopefully, you’ve hired good people).
There are many ways to give yourself a break if you need it. With a bit of planning to make your employer comfortable that your work will be covered, you might arrange for:
• A leave of absence. If you work for a company with more than fifty employees, your employer is legally obligated to grant you up to twelve weeks of unpaid leave under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) of 1993. (See discussion in Chapter 7, “Balancing Work.”) While this information may not be actively promoted by your HR department, they are required by law to alert you of it should you inform them of your need for medical treatment. Determine if you have other sources of income so that you might be able to afford time away.
• Revised schedule or reduced working hours. Some type of part-time arrangement; fewer hours per day or less than five days per week. While part-time status is not mandated by FMLA or ADA, you might negotiate this with your employer.
• Short-term disability benefits. Depending on your employer’s benefit structure, you may be eligible for short-term disability, which provides you with a percentage of your salary for a defined period of leave, usually between six and twelve weeks.
• Less travel. Reducing any work-required travel will lessen fatigue and enable you to keep treatment appointments (remember, these are nonnegotiable).
• Delegate projects. Lean on your coworkers and staff a bit more than you might normally—you’ll be surprised at how willing they will be to step in and rise to the occasion.
Of course, your ability to continue to keep a “normal” work schedule throughout will depend on your physical energy level. And if you take time off, you might even get a “welcome back” party. Now you know how much you were missed!
Strength Does Not Equal “No Tears.”
So, up to now, you’ve been the heroic role model of an exemplary patient at work. What happens when you just can’t maintain that façade any longer, on those days you feel like your world is crumbling around you? What to do? Permit yourself to cry at work; just do it in a quiet moment behind closed doors. As much as we hate to admit it, the typical workplace is very male-oriented, which means “No Tears,” but you wouldn’t be human—or at least female—if you couldn’t show a bit of vulnerability on occasion. You might even ask for extra help now and you deserve it. After all, if you’ve been a good performer, the company should consider itself lucky to have an employee so dedicated as you that you’re worried about disrupting the workplace with your emotions.
Activate Your Civil Rights
The decision about how, when, and if to tell your employer about your cancer diagnosis is often shrouded in a dense cloud of emotions, which include fear, anxiety, and relief, as well as some very practical concerns about job security and your right to privacy. Furthermore, whom do you tell? Your boss, the human resources officers, or only a trusted coworker who might help manage some of your workload should you need relief? Relax a bit. If you choose to be candid and straightforward about your diagnosis, you will “activate” an umbrella of civil rights—a group of federal and state laws that offer protection for your position and provide you with “reasonable” accommodations if you are able to perform the essential functions of your position, should you need to adjust your work schedule to get through your cancer experience.
The two most relevant programs include the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). (See Chapter 7, “Balancing Work,” for details on each program.) Just imagine that you have bundles of these rights burning holes in your pockets, screaming to be pulled out and utilized to protect you. The few simple requirements? Your employer must be aware and knowledgeable of your condition, and you must be able to perform the essential functions of your position. Begin an ongoing, nonconfrontational dialogue by officially communicating to your HR department as soon as you realize you might want or need time off from work (basic surgery will require at least some time off). Provide just the basic facts about your situation. Don’t volunteer too much information or detail, as you never know how information can be misconstrued and where it may end up. For example, if you are seeing a social worker or psychiatrist to deal with the emotional impact on you and your family, your employer only needs to know that you may need to miss work for regular medical appointments associated with your cancer. Document any conversations and commitments your employer has made to you—in writing. If you don’t, you may regret it when you need to draw on your rights and you failed to activate them.
Hint: Practice first. Rehearse what you’re going to say with family or friends because you might be nervous. Also, be specific about what you want from your employer. They have rights too, and will need to balance the potential financial burden of your partial or full absence from work, with accommodating you as best they can under the legal framework.
A Final Thought : Making Others Comfortable Is Fine, but Remember to Take Care of Yourself First.
Look back at the past few days or weeks, and give yourself a pat on the back for what you’ve accomplished so far. You’ve exposed yourself to the entire world—or at least you feel that way—and you’ve maintained your composure and strength, while quelling the anxieties of others. Whether you’ve been proactive at work dispelling myths about cancer in the workplace, or comforting friends or family who might fear your mortality or their own, bravo! Now remember that you’re the one with cancer! There’s a fine balance between making others comfortable so they are there to support you, and weeding out those whom you might not want around right now. Your mental and physical energy should be focused on you now, not them.
CHAPTER 2
Swinging into Action
You may not believe me until you’re deep in the thick of it, but getting together a game plan for how you’re going to deal with your cancer experience goes a long way toward regaining a sense of control over your body and your emotions. Once you’ve picked yourself up off the floor after being whacked with that tidal wave of a diagnosis, you realize there is something very empowering and reassuring about taking action to manage your situation. This chapter addresses:
• The process and sources for Gathering Information, whether you become your own chief researcher, or you delegate to a family member, friend, or someone in your inner circle.
• Establishing Support and Coping Mechanisms to help you through your breast cancer experience.
• Recommendations on Building Your Health Care Team, including an overview of all the medical professionals and specialists involved, and how to get them most effectively working for you.
GATHERING INFORMATION: BECOMING AN INSTANT EXPERT
You Can Research Forever, but Faith in Your Doctor Is the End Goal.
Depending upon the specific circumstances around your diagnosis, how it unfolded, and when you received critical pieces of information, you may need to do research at several different times during the progression through your cancer experience. For example, I went through two phases. First, after receiving the results of my biopsy that showed malignant cells, and an initial consultation with my breast