Counseling the Contemporary Woman. Suzanne Degges-White
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and attitude regarding this period of development. Encourage clients to express their feelings or beliefs about aging and validate their viewpoints while also encouraging them to expand their perspectives, if necessary, to enlarge their views of what is possible.
There’s an old saying that the older you get, the more like yourself you become. As Jung (1971) suggested, midlife is a time when individuals begin to own traits and characteristics that might not be as pleasing to others as the ones women tend to display throughout the first half of their lives. When coupled with the hormonal changes of midlife, midlife women may feel like they have been unfettered from societal expectations and feel more free to express themselves more authentically with their families, their friends, and their colleagues.
Most people find themselves formally or informally taking stock of their lives at some point during the midlife years, and they also begin to assess whether they are making headway or have become “stuck” (Erikson, 1968). The desire to stay vital and involved can encourage midlife women to become mentors for younger colleagues, volunteer in their communities, become patrons of good causes, and become advocates for others. There is much mention of “menopause zest” in online communities, and this references the motivation that many women feel to stay active and engaged in the world around them—especially if their primary roles in the home or workplace have lost their centrality or power. Transitions, whether unexpected or normative, can cause stress, but transitions also provide opportunities for new beginnings.
Jung’s Perspective on Midlife Development
Traditional theories about adult development suggested this period is a time of transition, most surely, but a transition in which people come to know themselves more clearly and to integrate aspects of their personality that they may have previously ignored or somehow sublimated (Jung, 1971). Jung developed a construct of identity that included the persona, the face that people show to the world, and the shadow, the aspects of self that are kept hidden from others and often from the individual herself. During midlife, according to Jung, the individuation process takes place. This is the conscious realization and integration of all the various qualities and potentials present in an individual. Jung proposed that this is accomplished through the recognition of one’s less attractive qualities (the shadow self), the ones kept hidden from the outer world as well as oneself, and through an effort toward acceptance and integration of these attributes into an amicable union with one’s more pleasing qualities, as represented by the persona.
Erikson’s Perspective on Midlife Development
Erikson (1968) proposed that people face specific developmental crises throughout eight predictable stages of life. The crisis that falls at midlife is described as a crisis of generativity versus stagnation. A person facing this developmental task must choose whether or not to give back to others through procreation, community service, professional service, or comparable approaches. Erikson theorized that midlife adults are driven to find meaning in their lives through being productive, but that they must be careful of giving in to self-absorption, which would lead to stagnation and diminished personal growth.
There are few species in which the female outlives her fertility, and there are many hypotheses regarding the value of this arrangement in humans. One idea that has received research support is the notion that women’s roles as grandmothers greatly increases the likelihood of the survival of the species, giving support to a belief that women actually keep the world spinning and the species surviving. Unfortunately, the individual tasks that women must address during midlife seem much more mundane and have much less glamour, but require significant investment of time and energy. Thomas, Mitchell, and Woods (2018) found that the primary tasks of midlife include changing family relationships, the balance between work and personal life, self-exploration and discovery, resource acquisition (financial, housing, etc.), and coping with stressors. As counselors, you may work with clients presenting with one or many of these issues. In addition, some of the specific stressors clients experience may include relationship breakups, health problems, or bereavement.
Relationships with Others
Individuals are dynamic creatures, and as an individual changes, her relationships with others often change as well. Flexibility is an important quality for women to cultivate as their own midlife changes may surprise others, as well as themselves.
Romantic Relationships
The number of women who are facing a transition such as “wife” to “divorcee” or “single woman” to “partner” has risen over recent years, which can be the cause of adjustment issues and challenges regardless of the overall positive value of the role change itself. A Pew Research Study indicated that the divorce rate for people fifty and over has climbed dramatically in the past decade (Stepler, 2017). For every one thousand married persons who are fifty or older, ten divorced in 2015; this is exactly twice the number who divorced in the same age group in 1990. While the reasons for divorce vary greatly across relationships (Crowley, 2017), simplified divorce procedures and lengthened lifespans may play a role in their frequency.
Sexual Relationships
Regardless of sexual orientation, women acknowledge that their sexual relationships change over time as interest and engagement in sexual behaviors diminish (Paine, Umberson, & Reczek, 2018). Not surprisingly, physical changes as well as changing responsibilities were perceived to contribute to these changes. More specifically, one of the most frequently voiced concerns about menopause is the perceived negative effect that it can have on sexual activity and intimacy. From the United States to Saudi Arabia (Al Mehdar et al., 2017), women express the desire for a more satisfying sex life postmenopause. Hormonal changes can bring about multiple causes of sexual dissatisfaction, including vaginal dryness, compromised arousal and difficulty reaching orgasm, decreased sexual satisfaction, and lower levels of sexual desire (Nappi & Lachowsky, 2009). Clearly, there are multiple challenges that menopausal women face in terms of decreased sexual pleasure.
Although women have been more vocal in expressing their experiences related to sexual activity in middle adulthood, there may be a parallel experience for men. A term coined by Jannini and Nappi (2018), couplepause, was used to describe the shared experience that aging can take on a midlife couple. While a lesbian couple, depending on age, might experience simultaneous menopausal symptoms, it was only recently that researchers acknowledged that a heterosexual couple may also battle waning sex drives and physiological, age-related sexual dysfunction. Menopausal women might experience symptoms such as vaginal dryness, vaginal irritation, and insufficient lubrication, which can all contribute to pain during intercourse. However, as men age, they also experience sexual dysfunctions, including erectile problems and, potentially, testosterone deficiency.
When working with a midlife client who is concerned about her level of sexual attractiveness to her partner or her own sexual performance, counselors can encourage her to discuss her concerns with her sexual partner. If her partner is at a similar developmental stage, it can be normal for both partners to lose interest in sexual activity. Counselors can help normalize this experience, and if a couple-centric focus is employed, it can be a positive support for a client who feels stigmatized for her age or menopausal status. Other relationships, beyond a primary romantic relationship, also may undergo significant changes during this period of life.
Caring for Others
Midlife is typically a period in life in which a woman’s children are now leaving home and creating space in a woman’s life to focus on new activities or in new directions. Many women, however, assume the role of caregiver of the older adults in their families. As lifespans have lengthened, so have the caregiving responsibilities of the women in each generation. Women may take on the role of caregiver voluntarily or as a result of geographical proximity or some other practical circumstance. Women in the caregiving role may face a significant number of challenges to their own well-being as they often feel that they must sacrifice their own needs for the needs of others (Halinski, Duxbury, & Higgins, 2018).
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