Death, Beauty, Struggle. Margaret Trawick
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protection, from then on I will keep you well.”
Thus that child came and spoke. “Don’t you cry, don’t you cry.” Wiping my eyes. “Don’t you cry, I will come and protect you.”
“Who are you?” I asked.
“Don’t you know who I am? Look at me well,” was all she said.
When I looked again, a woman of your height. In her hand a spear, a red sari, a red jacket, in her hand a fire trident.31 Wearing a red sari with a yellow border, running to me she said, “Don’t you cry, I will protect you, I have come, you will be happy. All those people who don’t come to your house, who don’t speak well of you, who don’t give you comfort, they will all come to your house seeking you. I will keep you well; I will give you your own house; I will find good husbands for your three children; I will give you much money; I will give you cattle. Whatever you want, you believe in me, I will bring it about.” Thus speaking, that mother disappeared.
From that day on—on Friday I had lain down crying, that night I saw the dream—the next Sunday a woman came, her husband had left her sixteen years before. In Alwarpet. Then that woman had gone everywhere to the temples, her husband had not come back to her house.
I knew the servant girl who worked in her house. She told her, “If you go to this place, that mother will tell you what happened to your husband, and will make him come home. But she has many children. Māriamman comes only in that woman’s person. In the house there is no god [statue] at all. That woman has been there for three years. Before that there was no god or anything.”
That woman came. She brought good money, much money. As soon as she came, I asked. She said, “I want to ask Māriamman. That mother Māriamman must give me some answer.”
So I said okay, and bathed and returned and asked Māriamman. She answered, “In three days I will make your husband return. A prostitute has got your husband. A girl, a Malayāḷi girl has got him, has performed sorcery on you, and has separated him even from your language. I will heal that sorcery, and will bring your husband and join him with you.” Thus that mother spoke.
As soon as she said this, that woman became very happy. She took out a hundred rupees and put it in my hand. As soon as she gave the hundred rupees, Māriamman was gone. After that I went and cooked meals for the children for two or three days, and it was that way. On the third day, her husband came. That woman’s husband returned.
As soon as he returned, one of their children, a big boy, went crazy. His intelligence was not well. He would not brush his teeth. If he went to defecate, he would not clean himself. A boy who had finished high school. It was as though a madness had seized him. Then this mother healed him. The doctors said it was a brain disorder.
But when they said that, this mother said, “That is all untrue. That is all untrue. That Malayāḷi Brahman, that Malayāḷi girl, she went and did some magic. I will give protection.”
So saying, she brought that boy here, said a spell over a fruit, rubbed it on his head, poured the juice on his head and made him well.
Because of that they became very happy, and they gave me six hundred rupees. They brought six hundred rupees and gave it to me, and said before everyone, “You make an offering.”
As soon as that woman’s husband returned, this mother said, “From the time that I protect you, only I can end all your troubles. No one at all will protect you. No one will heal you. Only I will protect you.”
After the family was all well, this mother said, “For your sake, I have brought your husband back to you. You buy me a yellow sari, buy me a māṅgalayam32 and put it on me. Only then will your husband stay with you until the end, without parting.”
Thus she asked. After that, they brought the māṅgalayam and put it on her. After that, she cured many troubles for them.
I had many debts, having borrowed a little from everybody, and I was afraid that someone was going to come and ask to be repaid. Then, at that time, that mother brought various people to me and I healed them, and through them she made me well off. Today, I am a woman of her well-being.
[What kinds of people have come to you?]
Many. It is impossible to say who. Thousands of people have come. Last night there was a girl seized by a demon. They put her in a taxi and brought her here from Mylapore. When they took her to a doctor, he said that someone had poisoned her. They said, “No, a demon has taken her; that mother will say it is true.” So saying, they carried her and put her down here. Examining her, we found that it was a demon. As soon as that mother gave her a lemon, that girl was healed. “From now on, nothing else will happen; take her and go,” she said. The girl got up nice and healthy and went. Then they put ten rupees in my lap and said, “We came without telling the doctor. You did well.” So saying, they went.
If there is asthma [using the English word] she will cure it. That sugar disease [diabetes]. Cancer in the belly, that disease.33 If the ears don’t hear, if the eyes don’t see, she will cure all that. If you say it, she will do it. If you say that she can, she will do it. If you say that she can’t she won’t. If something won’t heal, use a doctor to care for it. “By means of him, I will cure it,” she will say.34 “If you cannot do it that way, then I myself will heal it,” she will say, and she will undertake it.
In an ordinary day, she will come three times. If we think of her and offer camphor, she will come as many times as we want. However many times people come to us, that many times I must bathe and be clean. I must not eat meat or anything like that. I must drink only plain milk. If I want rice or something, I will eat it. I must eat only what is prepared in the house. I eat only what is in the house. I must not go out and eat. I must not go out and eat in anyone’s house.35 If I do eat, it will not stay with me. I will vomit immediately. My eyes will burn, a great dizziness will come. Therefore I must not eat. Afterward, when she comes, she will be angry. “Why do you eat in all the houses?” she will say.
[In the picture on the wall, your hair is neatly braided. Now you wear it matted …]
My hair was neatly braided. Five years ago, she said, “You must not wear flowers; you must not braid your hair; you must not put oil and all on it.” Now if I go to relatives’ house, or if I go to anyone’s house, ugly like this, they will laugh at me, won’t they? But it is a true deity.
People were continually saying, “So this is the way it is with you. You say you won’t comb your hair. You say you won’t wear a poḍḍu.”36 They were continually talking like that. So when I went out I would comb my hair. Otherwise, those who saw me would think me ugly. I was continually doing that, saying, “I have my hair.”37
And she was continually saying, “If you come in my person, you must not braid your hair, you must not wear a poḍḍu, you must not wear earrings, you must not wear nose ornaments.”
If I wore earrings, blood would come in my ears, my ears would swell. If I wore a nose ornament, much blood would come, my nose would swell up, I would get a great headache, my whole head would throb. If I wore kumkum, my forehead would swell until it was round. If I took it off right away, it would get well. It was just like this. And she would say, “I tell you that you must not braid your hair, you must not comb it, and you keep doing the same things.”
So saying, one night she came in a dream, she came in her own form, and she said, “If you adorn your face, my power cannot come to you. If bad men look at you with desire, my power will not seek that place.38 If you do as I say, I will protect you.”
And so she made me promise that from then on I would wear no ornaments or adorn myself. But one day I did. And she came in a dream and said, “Now, instead of wearing my appearance, you adorn yourself. You watch. I tell you and tell you, and you keep putting a comb in your hair and braiding it. I wear my form that has no comb. I wear matted hair.”
So saying, she went. The next day when I looked, my hair was all matted. That mother has made me wear many appearances.
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