Death, Beauty, Struggle. Margaret Trawick
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must not speak with him. Before, we spoke all the time. Now five years have passed. You know that boy [her smallest child]? From the time that that boy was born, there has been no spoken word between us. Even if we did talk, there was no other enjoyment of the body. Even though we were like that, this mother came, and said, “Call your husband.” And he came and offered her a mango, and she peeled off the skin and gave it back to him.39
Then, three years ago she tore off my marriage emblem and put it in his hand,40 saying, “From now on, you must not touch her. You must not look at her or call her. From now on, between her and you there will be no relation of any kind. If anyone scolds her, if anyone does anything to her, I myself will punish you. Therefore, no one must touch her.” Thus she spoke.
[How does she punish people?]
Suppose someone scolds me, and I can’t take it and am crying. That person’s body will become unable. She will give them some kind of difficulty. However we speak of her, she will punish us in that way. She will do nothing else.
I eat only what is in the house. I do not eat anywhere outside. If I do eat outside, I eat in a Brahman hotel, but I must not eat on a plate. I must eat on a leaf.41 But now for a year I have felt no hunger. I have no desire to eat anything. Now it has been more than a year. To adorn her, to have that mother come into my person and to be continually doing good for all who come, that has become my only thought. If the children become sick, I won’t take them to a doctor; I won’t ask what they have. If anyone is in the house, if anyone speaks a little angrily, at first, from pride, I feel like I want to answer them with a beating.
[How does it feel when Māriamman comes to you?]
When that mother comes, our arms and legs tremble and shake. The nerves inside all tremble, and we cannot open our eyes. At the time when that mother comes, we must sit down and think only on that mother. “O Mother, you alone must do good for everybody.” So saying, first we must think of her. How must we think of her? “Ōm nama sivāya. Ōm parāśakti. Kāñci Kāmāḍci. Madurai Mīnāḍci. Kāci Vicālāḍci.42 Power with so many names who is one power, you must come in my person, and do good for everyone. To everyone without failing you must speak the truth.” Thus we must pray to her.
When we pray to that mother, the eyes will be closed, it will be dark to us. Who and what there is, none of that we will know. Then in our body a feeling will arise. Like a trembling, all the nerves will convulse. Only after that will we be aware that our whole body is trembling. If we try to stand up, we will not know how. It seems that it is flying of its own accord. Then our feet dance by themselves, circling round. She is creating a dance in our bodies. It is she who comes and dances, her power it is. When she comes and dances, then in whoever’s family is whatever evil, whoever has whatever trouble, whatever illness, whatever they want to take place, then in the person of that feeling, she will come and tell it. We cannot tell it. In that time, her wisdom is in our place. She will speak with our voice. Her voice cannot speak, can it? Our voice cannot speak at all. With her voice she comes and speaks to us. For three and three-quarters nāṛi43 only she will be in our place. As long as she is there, that feeling is in our body. When she is gone, that feeling will subside. Then we will have our feeling. What happens after that, what has to happen now, we do not know. That is her power.
[What happens when a ghost possesses somebody?]
Ordinarily, if someone is seized by a ghost, a dead person, someone who has died leaving many children, that spirit will circle around in that family. It will not go out. Then, whoever it likes very much, in whomever’s person it has much desire, that spirit will seize that person. The way the feeling of the mother seizes one, in the same way the feeling of the dead person will seize someone. When it seizes, it is wind. It has no form at all. But in that child’s person day by day pain in the arms and legs, pain in the body, dizziness, it will not take food, it will take no responsibility in the family, it will dislike everybody, it will have no affection. It has so many characteristics. However she died, that feeling will dance in her person. Then her name, her address, how she died, how she lived, what she died of, how many days her sickness lasted, she will come in her own form and give word of all that. Then the feeling of this mother will come in my person, and will ask that dead spirit for a detailed explanation.
Now if in my person the mother comes, and in your person that spirit is attacking, as soon as the mother comes, that spirit of its own accord will come into your person. In the same way it will dance. When, in the same way, that feeling dances, the mother will ask you, “Who are you? How did you die? Of what did you die? Why have you come into this child’s person?”
When she asks like that, you will answer, “I had this same kind of desire. When she came to a certain place, I, my spirit attacked her.” So speaking, that which is in your person will give an answer to the mother.
Then the mother will say, “What is the matter with you? You have been here for so long. For you to go, what food do you want? Whatever you like, take it and eat it. You come with me.”
Thus that mother will invite it away. It will take it. That is the power of that mother. It is true that ghosts exist. It is wrong to say that they do not. The disease in the body that the doctor cannot cure, the mother has the power to cure. The doctor is second to Māriamman.
In this religion … for all religions there is a deity. Ordinarily for you, you are Christians, that is that Jesus’s thing, isn’t it? In the same way, Christians have three kinds, seven kinds. Those people who say hallelujah, who don’t wear jewels or anything, they too have belief in our deity. In your religion or in the Christian religion, however many mistakes you make, there is a husband. You follow your desires and make love with him and marry him. For ten years or five years they lie with him. If they write that they don’t want him, they can take on the next husband. You must know that well. They can take another on, can’t they? Then to your god you say, everything I have done is wrong. Creator, you forgive me. You take on all that sin. If you say that, your deity will take it on. Our god too takes it on.
At a small age, a child was married. Her husband failed and died. That child must be just like that to the very end. She must not wear kumkum again, she must not wear flowers, she must not wear beautiful clothes and jewels. The custom of that time. She must be just like that. Now even that widow can marry. One who is a small child can go to the next man’s place, her life must not be ruined, an ugly name should not come to her, for her too they make a life. Whatever deity made that wrong, it is wrong. If there is a husband, to follow one’s desire and want another husband, and be like that, is wrong. Our god does not like that.
For our god, we must make a prayer. For our god, if a child is sick, for that sickness to become well, for Māriamman I take a child’s skirt and place it [before her idol], and place kumkum, and I put a garland there, and I pray. That child will get better. After it becomes well, we must go and do as we said in that prayer. If we do not, the same kind of thing will happen again. Our god has that power. For our god you must light a candle, mustn’t you? A candle and roses. Just that, flowers and a candle for your god. For our god, we can do whatever we want. Every god has its way. For Māriamman, cuṇḍal [a kind of bean dish], sugar poṅgal [rice cooked in milk], they sacrifice a goat, they kill a chicken, they do all that. For your god there is none of that. For your god, killing a chicken and all, and coming as feeling into someone’s person, does not exist. Does it? Your Jesus does not come into anybody’s person. Only in that Bible, his birth in truth, in truth his coming and disappearing in light, because of that you put a cross [before his image] and pray.
This mother is not like that. In a town, when they put up an image of a mother, and perform a great ceremony, and make oblations, and perform worship for a god, the power of that mother will come into that place. That is a great temple.
[What people will Māriamman enter into?]
That mother will not come and celebrate in everybody’s person. She has a desire. The heart must be clean. Lies, thievery, a lack of charity toward people, if you have these qualities, she will not come. There must be charity. If there is hunger, for that mother you must do good. Mustn’t you? In a family, you must not cause any