The Feminist Financial Handbook. Brynne Conroy
Читать онлайн книгу.
of these related struggles square in the face as well as the coping mechanisms they have used to either conquer or push through these challenges. You’ll find that their anecdotes are at the heart of this work; I am eternally grateful for their openness, their willingness, and the time they dedicated to this project. Please check out their information in the back of this book to find out where you can see more of their work. I mean, actually do it. Their voices are important and eye-opening. You won’t regret it.
Because I don’t want to utterly depress you, we’re also going to talk about ways you can work within existing systems. Prejudice and oppression are both horrendous, but unfortunately, they’re not going away any time soon. We have some long battles ahead of us. So we’ll look at some work-arounds that may help you propel your personal finances to that next level within the oppressive systems in which we live.
Before we dive in, there are a few terms I want to review. Feminism is widely recognized, and in recent years intersectional feminism has started to see some of the spotlight. But because these things are not discussed in all circles, I know there’s some vocabulary in these pages that might look foreign to some readers.
Intersectional Feminism: If feminism focuses on the oppression and equality of women, intersectional feminism focuses on the same for all oppressed groups. For example, you could be a white male who grew up in poverty. You’d be privileged because you’re male and white, but oppressed because of the economic situation you grew up in. You could be a black disabled woman from a wealthy family, inheriting the privilege that comes along with wealth, but facing deep oppression because of your race, gender, and the incapability others project onto you. We all have parts of our life that intersect with both privilege and oppression; the ratio is different for each one of us, though.
Kyriarchy: You know how the patriarchy is essentially an institutionalized and culturally accepted act of men ruling over women? Think of the kyriarchy in the same way, except instead of just men ruling over women, it’s also Europeans colonizing native lands while committing genocide and raping native women, white people exercising systemic racism even a century and half after they ended slavery without paying reparations, disabled people being thought of as incapable, and transgender people facing employment discrimination and sometimes even fear of death simply for living an authentic life; and the list goes on. Any type of institution and/or oppression that exists, that says one group is better than the other and therefore deserves more rights, privileges, and protections, is a part of the kyriarchy.
Heteronormativity: Heteronormativity is the dangerous assumption that everyone is heterosexual. While homophobia is an active fear of those who are attracted to the same sex, heteronormativity is a quieter and sometimes more insidious form of prejudice based on one’s sexual orientation. For example, someone with heteronormative values may not see how equal marriage is a moral issue outside of their own religious beliefs. They might repeatedly call your partner, wife, or husband your “friend” despite knowing full well the context of your relationship. It’s a series of aggressions that oppress those who are anything other than heterosexual.
Cisnormativity: Being cisgender means you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. So cisnormativity is the dangerous assumption that everyone is cisgender. When you have cisnormative values, you might not want to allow people the dignity of going to the bathroom of the gender with which they identify. You may not want transgender people to serve in the military because their identity makes you uncomfortable and you want to punish them for it. It’s a damaging failure to recognize those who are not cisgender as full human beings.
Disablism: Abled people like to feel bad for disabled people and turn them into pet projects. But they like to complain when disabled people get pushed to the front of the line or when laws force them to spend a little money to make their business establishments accessible. They like to threaten sweeping cuts to Medicaid and Medicare—systems that help disabled people to live full lives and sometimes even to stay alive at all—because why should they have to pay for someone else’s health care? When abled people are doing these things, they are practicing disablism. They fail to see that just because someone can’t complete the same tasks in the same ways as themselves, it doesn’t mean they don’t have different and meaningful ways to contribute to society.
This book focuses on women’s money, the ways in which the kyriarchy oppresses and affects that money, and economic coping mechanisms that might help make things better for you until that kyriarchy falls. We’ll talk about wealth, the different ways in which we define it, and how you can live a life full of contentment regardless of your current money situation.
As you read these women’s stories, I hope you learn as much as I did. They have found some awe-inspiring ways to build meaningful lives while striving towards economic freedom.
In short, no, you can’t.
As women, we often pursue “having it all.” We’re supposed to have careers, be fantastic moms who raise our children with grace, and participate in community volunteer efforts. Oh, and we’re supposed to look great while we’re doing all this.
If you look at the women in your life who supposedly have it all, I’m willing to bet they have stuff going on behind the scenes that you don’t see: a nanny; a personal assistant; a family member who is there supporting them. And I guarantee there’s still stress. They may just not show it publicly.
Yet we look at the Instagram feeds of these “superwomen” and judge ourselves against them. We get down on ourselves because we’re not succeeding in every last arena. Maybe you’re struggling to balance work and family. Maybe you haven’t met the right person with whom to settle down and start a family—or maybe a family isn’t something you want at all. Perhaps despite your best efforts, you’ve struggled to get your career off the ground. Or maybe in the craziness of everyday life, you’ve let yourself go, and society won’t let you forget about it.
We all have areas in our lives where we feel deficient. Not one of us is perfect at everything, and some of us have more resources at our disposal to ameliorate those areas of imperfection, while others do not. Not one of us ever truly grasps onto the illusive “balance” we’re seeking—the balance we’re told by countless self-help books and gurus that we can achieve.
I’m here to tell you that’s okay. In fact, as suggested by Stanford Economics professor Myra Strober, we’re probably better off dropping the concept of “balance” altogether. It’s almost never achievable, and we make ourselves miserable in its pursuit.
The Concept of Shifting Priorities
I was brought up in a religious household. The religion was strict and all-consuming. I kid you not when I tell you that as a teen, I spent ten hours at church per week over the course of six days. And that was if there wasn’t a baptism or youth project or some other type of celebratory event.
I no longer practice the religion of my youth, but there were good things I received in that environment. While some people were absolutely crazy and judgmental, there were plenty of churchgoers I liked and respected. Some of the deepest life lessons I have learned were taught to me by these mentors.
For example, one Sunday, we were sitting in the third hour of church—the hour designated for the teenage-girls-only lesson. One of my favorite teachers was standing in front of the class as we sat with our scriptures under our chairs and our skirt-clad legs pressed firmly together.
She was teaching us about time management and prioritization. I don’t know if the lesson was from the manual or was just something she wanted us to learn. Whatever the origins, she wrote these four words on the board: