The Feminist Financial Handbook. Brynne Conroy
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own life to contribute to the betterment of society. You needed to be a moral person, steeped in virtue, and willing to forego your own desires in favor of the greater good. It is highly likely that Jefferson had the same interpretation of this phrase, whatever we read into it today.
Although they could not scientifically prove their correctness, Locke and Jefferson were onto something. Today we have data, and Graham says that it clearly shows that those living in a democracy are only more satiated than those who are not if they’re active participants in their democracy. Being civically responsible does indeed improve our overall sense of well-being.
“Going out and peacefully marching is a good thing for your well-being,” Graham says, offering examples. “Women running for office because they’re mad about what’s going on is good for women’s well-being.”
There is real value in getting involved in politics right now rather than throwing your hands up in the air in frustration. Not only can it potentially improve the national plight, but you will receive personal benefits by being more content in your own life.
Politics isn’t the only arena where meaningful action can improve your sense of well-being, though. Research shows that simply taking part in meaningful experiences improves your well-being. If you find your work meaningful, you will be more content—particularly if you view it through the lens of benefitting others. If you decide you want to stay at home and throw all of your efforts at family life to the exclusion of remaining in the workforce, you will be more content if there is a deep meaning behind that decision for you. You may find meaning in volunteer work or in any number of other activities.
“Purposeful—or meaningful—experiences are the most important determinant in levels of well-being,” explains Graham. “You could be volunteering, staying at home with your kids, or doing research that drives you. You don’t do these things to seek happiness. You do them to find fulfilment.”
In fact, Graham says that if you are seeking happiness, you’re unlikely to find it. All of us naturally fall on a bell curve of innate happiness levels. At the far left are people who tend to be the least satisfied. In the middle are those with average satiation levels in their life. This middle group is the largest. Then, on the far right side of the bell curve are those who tend to be innately optimistic, which may lead to improved work opportunities, social connections, and a better outlook on the future. These are the people who we’d classify as classically happy in our day-to-day vernacular.
“People who try to be happy are usually the least happy people,” explains Graham. “If you don’t have enough in your own life to drive what you’re doing and you’re looking for happiness from cheesy magazines, you’re by definition in the lower part of the well-being distribution.”
That means that you’re on the far left side of that bell curve. Graham notes that if you fall on this side of the curve, you’re more likely to be focused on things like money or your looks as you think it will improve your circumstances and thus improve your satisfaction with life. But the people on the far right side of that bell curve, who have a natural inclination towards a better sense of well-being, focus their efforts on creativity and learning rather than cash. They innately know that fulfillment and purpose are the keys to finding contentment in this life—regardless of financial circumstances.
It’s not easy to be on the far left side of that bell curve, especially in a society that interprets “the pursuit of happiness” as the extremely individualistic pursuit of a higher economic station. But if we look at Locke’s original intent with this phrase, we start to see that meaning—whether it’s in the civic arena or within our own selves—is what we should truly be pursuing rather than material “happiness.”
The Right Partner
Want to move from the left to the right side of that bell curve? For a long time, there’s been a myth circulating that marriage makes people happier. It’s not void of all truth; data has shown that those who are married tend to be happier.
But correlation does not equate to causation. Graham notes that since this initial myth emerged from studies that looked at one data point at a fixed point in time, new research has revealed that the more innate happiness you have, the more likely you are to get married in the first place. It’s not marriage that’s making people have a higher sense of well-being; it’s a strong sense of well-being that tends to lead to marriage.
“Over time, the effects of getting married fade,” says Graham. “The initial euphoria lasts about eighteen months—then they revert to premarriage happiness levels. They’re not happier because they’re married. They were just happier before they got married.”
That does not mean that if you’re on the left side of the bell curve you can’t find love. A 2009 study called ‘You Can’t Be Happier Than Your Wife’ revealed that a gap in happiness levels is a major predictor for divorce. All that means is that when one partner has noticeably higher happiness levels when compared to the other, the marriage isn’t likely to last.
The kicker here is that the wife must be the one further to the right side of the bell curve. If she’s less happy than her husband or long-term male partner, the marriage is less likely to last. If the male partner is less happy, the same effect isn’t there.
So go find a partner who shares a similar level of happiness with you if you want a long marriage. Because you’re a woman, though, you’re more likely to be okay if you find a man who is to the left of you on the well-being bell curve.
Apologies for the heteronormative study. Hopefully since marriage has been legalized for all, we’ll start seeing similar studies for the LGBTQIA+ community.
Gender’s Surprising Role in Well-Being
Your perception of your own well-being is affected differently by outside circumstances when you’re a woman. I’m excited to let you know this is one of the pieces of good news you’ll find in this oppression-focused book!
Major shocks to gender roles in a culture can mess with our well-being. For example, Graham notes that the women’s liberation movement—the time period when women were finally able to enter the workforce—sparked a decrease in women’s happiness levels. The initial shift in gender expectations was rocky, but she also says that in America, our happiness levels have greatly recovered since this time period.
“Women are happier than men unless they’re in a place where gender rights are severely hampered,” says Graham. She harkens back to being an active participant in your democracy, noting that movements such as #MeToo or #SheShouldRun have actually been good for women’s well-being. They’re a sign that more rights are being shifted to women, and that they’re empowered enough to take meaningful action. Fifty years ago, women were socially shunned when they empowered themselves by taking on work. Today, they’re applauded for their bravery when they tell their stories of how those workplaces have been abusive. When women run for office because they want to change the current system, many of them are getting voted in.
Women are also able to handle personal shocks better than men. Graham hypothesizes that because we’re expected to wear so many hats, something like job loss doesn’t affect us as negatively; we’re able to carry on because our identities are so multifaceted. Men, on the other hand, have traditionally been valued based on their ability to provide. Thus, when they lose their jobs, their entire identities tend to be threatened or even shattered.
This may change as equality becomes more widespread and gender norms continue to become more progressive. But for the time being, women who must go through economic shocks fare much better in terms of overall happiness than their male counterparts.
The Right Attitude
When we talk about Graham’s bell curve, it’s important to note that the graph measures people’s innate happiness regardless of their circumstances. Education, marriage, income levels, and other circumstances do not play