You Can Be Happy No Matter What. Richard Carlson
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A thought passes through his mind: “I should shoot the driver of that car.” What has occurred is a thought, passing through his mind. Most of us would dismiss it as a silly thought. We would all prefer that drivers be more careful, but we wouldn’t take our violent thought very seriously. A psychotic, however, may not be able to dismiss the thought so easily. He fervently believes that any thought that comes to mind is reality and must be taken seriously.
While we can empathize (if not laugh) at the folly of taking such a thought seriously, we all do the same thing, in different forms and extremes, hundreds of times each day. Each of us, in our own fashion, confuses our thinking with reality. We can see other people’s thoughts (like the freeway driver’s) as being “just thoughts,” but we almost always fail to see our own the same way. And why do our thoughts seem so real? Because we are the one who creates them.
We Don’t Always Have To Take Our Thoughts Seriously
For one person, the thought, “I wonder if she likes me, I’ll bet she doesn’t,” might cause distress. Yet this same person may recognize the freeway driver as “just having a thought.” Most of us believe that if we have a thought, it’s worthy of serious attention and concern, but if someone else thinks something, we might see it as just a thought not worthy of attention. Why is this so? Again, because thought is something that shapes our reality from the inside out. Because it is so close to us, it’s easy to forget that we are the ones doing it. Thought helps us make sense out of what we see — we need it to survive in the world and to put meaning into life. When we understand the true nature and purpose of thought, however, we don’t need to take to heart (or take so seriously) everything we happen to think about; we can lighten up.
Our thinking is not “reality,” but only an attempt to interpret a given situation. Our interpretation of what we see creates an emotional response. Our emotional responses are not the product of what happens to us, then, but are derived from our thinking, our belief system.
To illustrate, let’s use the example of the circus coming to town. For people and families who love the circus, this is great cause for celebration. For those who don’t love the circus, the increased traffic and confusion causes concern. The circus itself is neutral — it isn’t the cause of positive or negative reactions. We can think of many similar examples ourselves. Once we understand the concept, our thoughts can be a tremendous gift to us and help us with our lives. Conversely, we can become the victims of our own thinking, and the quality of our lives can diminish. Since our thoughts change from moment to moment, life can become a struggle, if not a battleground.
Our level of happiness seems to go up and down with our circumstances. In reality, it isn’t the circumstances, but our interpretation of them that determines our level of wellbeing. This is why identical circumstances can mean different things to different people. Learn to see negative thoughts as a form of mental static, and you can stop paying so much attention to them.
Laura And Steve
Laura is driving to visit her boyfriend, Steve. Along the way she hears news on the radio about the number of marriages that end in divorce. She begins to think: “I wonder if Steve and I will get married. I wonder if it’s worth it. How good would our marriage be? Steve has many of his divorced father’s characteristics. He’s often late and he tends to work too hard. I wonder if I’m as important to him as his work. I wonder if our children would be as important as his work.” And she continues brooding.
Laura’s thinking has gone on automatically. These thoughts took place in an instant. Let’s compare the effect of these thoughts based on her relationship to her own thinking. First, let’s assume that Laura (like most people) believes that if something crosses her mind, it must be worthy of attention and taken seriously. She has no real awareness that she is creating the thoughts, but assumes that the content of her thinking must have relevance. She now feels justifiably concerned about her relationship and decides to bring up the issue with Steve. The remainder of her drive is spent worrying.
Now let’s consider an alternative. Here, Laura understands how her thoughts create her experience of life. The identical thoughts pass through Laura’s mind, and for a moment, she begins to feel the adverse effects of her thinking. Then she remembers that it was her thoughts, not Steve, that had her concerned about their relationship, which until that moment was perfectly fine. A few seconds earlier, before the news report, she had been reflecting about how well everything seemed to be going — she was in that nice feeling state where she was just thinking her thoughts, not analyzing them. She chuckles and feels grateful that she no longer has to be victimized by her own thinking. She initiates a softer focus and dismisses her thoughts. She spends the drive enjoying her favorite music and her happiness.
Having The Option To Act On Our Thoughts
Most of us assume that if something comes to mind, it does so for a reason; it must be representative of reality, worthy
of our attention, and dealt with. If we understand the principle of thought, however, we know that this is a mental error. If something comes to mind, recognize it for what it is — a passing thought. This doesn’t mean that we can’t or shouldn’t consider or act on the thought, but it does provide the option. Thousands of thoughts pass through our minds each day; as the principle of thought goes, none is more important than the next, each of them is just a thought. Once we understand this principle, what we think about will no longer have the power to completely determine the quality of our lives. Instead, we can choose to stay in the nicer feeling state that comes from a softer focus of thought.
The reason we can watch an upsetting or even horrifying movie and then go out for a meal is that we are always one step removed from the film. We understand that it’s just a movie. Once the movie is over, it’s over. It’s no longer with us, we go on with our lives. The same is true with thought. It’s only in our minds. Once a thought is out of mind, it’s gone — until we think it again. There’s nothing to fear from thought itself, once we understand that it’s just thought.
Perhaps the greatest misinterpretation of this principle is to believe that the goal is to control what you think about. It isn’t. The goal is to understand thought for what it is: an ability you have that shapes your reality from the inside out. Nothing more, nothing less. What you think about is not ultimately going to determine the quality of your life, but rather the relationship you have to your own thinking — the way you manufacture thoughts and respond to them. Do you hear your thinking as reality, or as thought?
A Dream Analogy
It’s common to wake up in the morning and say, “Wow, that dream seemed so real.” But, however real the dream seemed to be, we recognize it as a dream. So if we dreamed that we brought our car in to a mechanic to be fixed and he made the problem worse, we wouldn’t go down to the service station and complain. We understand that dreaming is nothing more than thinking while we are asleep. When we apply the same understanding to waking thought, which seems real, too, while it’s occurring, we no longer need to see it as truth.
The Two Aspects Of Thought
There are two aspects of thought that are very important to understand. First is the fact that we think, that we have this human function — it’s not what we think about (the content), but the recognition that we are the thinkers who produce the thoughts constantly going through our mind. The second aspect, the one that is usually discussed, is content, or what we are thinking about. There is a major difference between the two. Advocates of positive thinking suggest thinking positive thoughts as much as you can and avoid negative thinking altogether. While it’s true that thinking positive thoughts will make us feel better than thinking negative ones, positive thinking is an erroneous concept, based on the assumption that thought, in and of itself, has a reality which we need to be concerned with. But be it positive or negative, thought is still only a function.
When we understand thought for what it truly is, we see positive or negative thoughts for what they are. A positive thinker is constantly under pressure to produce only positive thoughts, which takes enormous effort and concentration, leaving little energy for new and creative thoughts. When negative thoughts do enter the mind (which they will), a positive thinker has to deny their existence and override them with positive ones.