The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People. D. M. Maynard
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7. Friends and Family: Will They Stay, or Will They Go?
This chapter will assist the partner in dealing with the possible reactions of friends and family members to the transition. Trying to understand what, when, why, and how to engage with others before or during the time when partners are themselves adjusting can be extremely overwhelming and isolating. In addition, specific tools will assist partners to gauge their comfort or ability to discuss the transition with children or young relatives. Lastly, partners will explore the possibility of joining new social circles or creating a family of choice.
8. Work: In or Out?
This chapter will explore the importance of when, why, or, indeed, if one will share the transition with employers, employees, clients, and/or co-workers. It will provide a reflective space to discover whether the partner will elect to work with human resources personnel at the workplace and to gain an understanding of what legal rights they have at work. Financial security and medical insurance policies at work can become compromised when partners or those transitioning out themselves.
9. Insurances, Gender Markers, and Documents… Oh My!
The partners will be alerted to options that some trans-identified people investigate with respect to legally changing their gender marker and/or legal name. Altering the transitioning person’s name and/or gender on birth certificates, passports, financial and/or health insurance policies, bank accounts, social security card, marriage certificates, college diplomas, and transcripts can be an exhausting job. These suggestions for the trans partner will offer a way to cope with the overwhelming reality of all these changes. Each jurisdiction and/or country have its own laws and policies; therefore, the partner’s understanding of how they may want to assist their trans-identified partner approach these time-consuming choices must be carefully thought through.
10. Privilege: Loss or Gain?
This chapter explores how one’s privilege is or has been affected through the intersections of patriarchy, misogyny, racism, homophobia, feminism, and male privilege. Will the partner feel a loss of equality, such as being overlooked when making a purchase as a couple? In contrast, will the partner experience positive gains such as an increase of physical safety due to the transition? Learning how to accept these potential changes can positively affect the partner’s self-worth and confidence on many levels.
11. Let’s Talk About Finding a Therapist
Many times, concerns can be alleviated if the partner connects with a knowledgeable and experienced therapist. For some, the search for an appropriate therapist can be time-consuming and/or critical. Through journaling their needs and the guided support provided by the tools offered in this workbook, partners can learn how to find the path that is best for them.
12. Partners in Sex
This chapter views the sexual intimacy of the relationship through the eyes of the partner. The partner will determine what is sexually acceptable for themselves throughout the transition. By journaling, the partner will identify what turns them on or off, measure the level of their attraction to the person transitioning, and learn how to communicate their personal preferences. With the use of questions and exercises, the partner will also be asked to investigate their own gender and sexual identities, as the transition progresses.
13. Celebrations Come in Different Sizes
This chapter assists partners in understanding whether they can move forward in the relationship. The answer to this inquiry can be fluid and vary from day to day, month to month, and year to year. Whether the partner remains in the relationship or not, the journey deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated by those who have experienced any portion of this transition as a couple.
14. Where Are You Now?
This chapter will reflect on the pulse of the partner’s journey by asking them to re-evaluate, honestly and continuously, their thoughts, feelings, concerns, worries, and confusions. The partner will be asked to focus on their future and examine how they have transitioned due to the other person’s transition. Additional questions, exercises, and vignettes will be included for both partners to communicate openly as a couple and live a life that embraces the transition as a journey!
15. You Are Not Alone (Resources)
The last chapter will offer articles, books, websites, support groups, and more that focus on the needs of the partner.
SET-UP
Each chapter will contain most, if not all, of these sections.
1. Affirmative Anecdotes
The poetic anecdotes were created for partners and appear throughout each chapter. They are meant to inspire, comfort, and empower you when you need them most. Their presence is intended to set the tone and intention before you begin the chapter. They are meant to embrace you in any way that soothes your heart. The affirmations may be used as a springboard for writing or as a conversation starter with someone else.
2. Vital Vignettes
These vital vignettes serve as an introduction to the questions. They represent parts of my own journey intertwined with the experiences of others. The vignettes are included to help you to gain some insight from the unknowns that I navigated as my partner’s transition unfolded. Providing these passages as a precursor to the questions is meant to offer reflective thoughts based on my own experience and of those who freely, but anonymously, shared their stories during the workshops that I have led and/or attended.
3. Graphics Galore
Most chapters in this book will contain graphic organizers, which can be used to assist you in visually expressing your thoughts without having to write them in a narrative format. In order to serve you best, they may be placed in a different order within each chapter. Every graphic organizer can be used for various purposes, but if you find one type works best for you, use it as often as you like. Remember, this entire workbook is for and about you and your process.
Bar Graph is an image that can be viewed to observe the ranking of data, which is translated into bar-like structures to display findings on a topic or question. Through the illustrations of the gathered information, the user can evaluate the comparison of the bars to reach their own conclusions in reference to a single topic or question. This graphic organizer encourages you to assess the importance or value of these topics, independently of the other topics, based on a personal rating system of 1–10. In contrast to the Pie Graph graphic organizer, though both organizers enable the user to view the topics in comparison with the others, the bars of the Bar Graph do not need to add up to 100 or 100%.
Box is a format for notes or can be used as a place to store information connected to one topic or subject, which compartmentalizes or assesses a situation. It is visually comprised of multiple boxes to create a framework.
Pie Graph is a visual representation of percentage showing the comparison of various categories based on a single subject, question, or circumstance in the shape of a pie. Some think of it as a pizza pie with each slice standing for a different component of the topic. The total composition of all the parts is summed to 100 or 100%. Each part or section is assigned a percentage based on its user’s point of view. The goal is to exhibit a quick way to prioritize or place a value on every critical factor that affects the outcome of the subject, question, or circumstance in relation to the other topics.
Splash should be imagined as if you took a liquid, such as water or paint, and splattered it on a blank canvas. It is intended to let your juices flow as you brainstorm with no judgment or organizational care. Respond to the statement or inquiry with a word or short phrase and quickly splatter your reply. By creatively splashing words and/or short phrases, attempt to express your responses randomly by scattering them on paper. When you have completed the graphic organizer, it should almost look as if you have created a canvas of words by squirting them on the page. It encourages you to elicit a reaction that is guttural and has a desire to be released on paper.
T-Chart can be used to show different perspectives in relation to the same topic or question. There are many versions of this graphic organizer that can host two, three, or more columns. The two-column graphic usually lists