NLP. Carolyn Boyes
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“It doesn’t matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going.”
Brian Tracy, performance coach
If you hold lots of deep beliefs it can make you very rigid in your thinking and give rise to other strong opinions. It may result in an inflexible model of the world. If you have very rigid beliefs you may clash with other people who hold very different models of the world. Just think about some of the great conflicts in the wider world. They take place between different groups who firmly believe their opinions to be right and who cannot find a meeting place with their enemies’ beliefs.
You can begin to uncover your beliefs very simply. Just ask yourself:
• What do I believe about business / work / other areas?
• Or write down, “I believe…(about this area of my life). I do not believe…(about another area).”
This will uncover some basic beliefs that you might not have been fully conscious of.
If you want to change the results in your life, then scrutinize your beliefs. If they are blocking your success, then start thinking about what other beliefs might be useful to you.
Identify your beliefs and ask yourself if they support you in being successful.
1.6 Identify your business values
What’s important to you in business? What would make you stay in a job? What draws you to particular groups of people or a particular political cause? Is there anything that would make you uncomfortable ethically in business? What do you have in common with the people you get on with at work?
Our values are such an important part of our internal world that they pull us towards or away from situations and people throughout our lives. They are first formed in childhood, and influenced by family and friends. We may change our values according to experience as we grow older. But some values are so deeply held that we may be reluctant to change them and would rather leave a situation and uphold our values rather than compromise them.
• A value is anything that is important to you. Stop and ask yourself: What’s important to me about my job? The people I work with? My goals? Working for a great boss? Business? Values might include, for example, happiness, friendship, joy, learning, challenge, success. Whatever words you come up with are the right ones for you.
one minute wonder Ask yourself, “What do I value in my work life right now?” Write down a list of what comes to mind. Keep pushing yourself to get to the really deep values. Ask “and what else?” Then, “What would make me give up this work or leave this job?” See what values are uncovered.
Often the deep values don’t come to mind immediately, but they’re the ones that really matter when important decisions have to be made. If you have ever felt forced to leave a job or come out of a relationship, think about what made you do it. Which value was lacking or wrong in the situation you came out of? Or which value did you want more of? These are the most important values to you.
By identifying your values in different parts of your life you will learn a lot about your subconscious motivations. You will discover what guides you to success and what may block you from time to time. When you have an outcome you think you want to achieve, but you keep sabotaging your success, it’s always worth examining your values. It could be that you have two values that are clashing – motivating you in two contradictory directions. By identifying this, you have the opportunity to do something about it.
Identify what’s important to you at work so you know where to put your focus and effort for the future.
NLP has a term called sensory acuity. This is the ability to be highly observant. The more you notice in your world, the more you can fine-tune your actions and responses to fit situations in the most appropriate ways. This will in turn help you to achieve your goals.
The secret is to be observant of everything:
1 Notice what is happening with other people. Learn to notice changes in their behaviour, their communication and gradually to their subconscious body language.
one minute wonder Assuming that something has to be done or should be done limits choice and flexibility. A good way to counteract this is to acknowledge that there are always choices in any given situation. This puts you at the cause rather than the effect of any situation. Looking for choices and possibilities means that you will focus on the future and take responsibility for your success.
“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them” Walt Disney, American film producer
2 Become aware of your own behaviour and communication. Notice how you respond to events and circumstances. Become aware of what triggers different responses in you.
3 Become highly aware of what is going on inside your head. What are you thinking and feeling? What happens in the world when you change what you think and feel?
You will probably begin to notice changes in the way people look and how they sound. You may also begin to notice differences in the way you feel and the sounds and pictures you have in your head. In the next set of secrets you will learn how to explore your internal communication in more detail.
As you become more tuned into your ability to be observant, you may notice that this gives you greater ability to be flexible in your behaviour. The proof of your success will be in the quality of each outcome you achieve. Practise using your sensory acuity each day and see what results you achieve.
Fine-tune your sensory acuity and observe what you think and feel in different circumstances.
Some people have a vague idea of what they want. Some just drift. However, to get results in business, whether day-to-day or over a 10-year period or more, you need to have a clear vision of what you want to achieve. In NLP, the term ‘outcome’ is often used for what you define as the positive consequences of your actions. ‘Outcomes’ are more than just about setting yourself some goals, they are about understanding what it takes to achieve them.
What results do you want? Do you have a clear picture in your head of what you want to achieve? Or are you someone who has a confused picture that keeps changing, or a picture of what you don’t want, or barely any picture at all, just vague ideas? Which vision will achieve most?
People often wonder why they aren’t successful. The real question is, are they successful in getting the result they really want or a result they hadn’t planned and don’t like?
The outcome you want can only happen when you have a well-formed vision of it. Once you’ve got a clear picture you’ll be able to take the necessary steps to achieve it.
This is how to do it. Think of something you want to have, to be or to do in your life. Now ask these questions:
1 Is it positive? Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. (Otherwise, your internal picture will be of what you want to avoid and ironically