Healing Her Boss's Heart. Dianne Drake
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fact, in his own personal notes, when he’d been asked to do the recruiting for his class, the first qualification he’d listed had been no-nonsense. That, in his opinion, was a God-given trait. The rest of it could be trained into the candidates.
“The timing worked out. As I stated in my cover letter, I was asked to take a leave of absence, which may well turn into a permanent leave, and since I wasn’t doing anything else, this seemed like the place for me to be. An opportunity to learn something new, maybe refocus my efforts in a new direction. That’s what I do in my life, Doctor. I look for ways to move forward.”
“This mandatory absence...” He folded his arms across his chest, trying to look formidable when what he was really feeling was nervous. Even before he’d started his questions, he’d discovered that she had the power to do that. He didn’t know why, especially since women, in general, had no real effect on him anymore. But Carrie Kellem had marched into his broom-closet-sized office ten minutes ago, extended her hand across the desk to him, and something about the confidence in her smile had thrown him way off. So much so, he wasn’t fully back yet. “You didn’t explain it in full. Why not?”
“Because it’s not a problem for you to worry about. My superiors think I’m too intense, too involved. Too headstrong. Because I’ve jumped the scene a couple more times than they’re comfortable with, and they want me to step back and think about the error of my ways.” She smiled. “Which isn’t an error since I saved lives, and that’s what I’m supposed to do.”
“Explain jumping the scene.”
“It means I go in before I’m ordered to.”
“And you don’t consider jumping the scene an error or an insubordinate move? Especially since you’ve said you’ve done it more than once? Because mountain and wilderness rescue is often slow. Painstakingly so. Sometimes it takes you hours to advance only by inches. And if you jump a scene that’s not properly set for the rescue, people could get hurt. Or killed. Including you. So, do you have the patience for the slow procedures, and are you willing to obey orders you might not agree with? Because those are two things I need in the students I’ll be admitting to the training program. In other words, I want starters, not jump-starters. Can that be you?”
She leaned forward, to the edge of her chair. “I’m a SWAT officer, Dr. Hanson. Specifically trained and certified as a tactical paramedic, as well. It’s my job to get in and take care of anybody who’s been injured during a crime in progress, or directly afterward, and if that means jumping the scene and going in before anybody else does...” She shrugged. “I’m not impatient. At least, I try not to be. Sometimes I guess I am, though, because when you see someone who needs you right that moment...” She paused, swallowed hard.
“The people who depend on me to rescue them deserve the best I can give them, and that’s what they get. My best. I wouldn’t be doing what I’m supposed to be doing if I’m sidelined for any reason. People could die because of that, and I don’t want to be the one...responsible. When someone needs help, Doctor, that’s the only thing that crosses my mind.”
“Above your own safety?”
“I never even think of my own safety.” She relaxed back into her chair, folded her hands in her lap, and awaited the next question.
He did like her skill level and her confidence, but it worried him that she might be too impulsive at times, which could lead to recklessness. Of course, learning to respond properly was part of his training course, so he might be able to impress on her how important it was—especially when you could be hanging off the side of a mountain—to keep everything under control and follow orders.
“But my background check on you shows that you’ve disobeyed orders at least three times in the past three months. In my program, and ultimately in my rescue operations, I don’t tolerate that. And the people who depend on me to get them rescued deserve the best I can give them. So, on my team, if you can’t, or won’t, follow orders, you’re gone. Simple as that. One screwup and you’re out. Can you deal with that?”
“I can,” she said, her voice as full of determination as ever, even though a little flicker of doubt wavered in her eyes.
He liked seeing that. It meant she was thinking about it—thinking about her responses, her need to take control even when it wasn’t hers to have. That was good. More than that, encouraging, as she was shaping up to be the kind of rescuer he wanted. Someone with her kind of passion to help others. Someone who would do what she had to do to get the job done. Still, he did have his reservations, as Carrie seemed like she could be quite a handful, as well. Was that something he could deal with? Or even wanted to deal with?
For himself, not personally. But this wasn’t personal. It was for the good of the team, and for the good of the team he could deal with Carrie. After all, how headstrong could she be? He glanced over at her, saw the obstinate, almost challenging look on her face, and chided himself for continuing with this interview. Because of that look... That one look told him exactly what he was going to get with her.
Yet, underneath it, did he see something vulnerable? Maybe the way she bit her lower lip. Or tried too hard to put on a swelled-up front that wasn’t really her? Because she was clasping her folded hands a little too tightly. Holding herself too rigidly. Looking across at him too anxiously. He hoped that was what he was seeing, and not what he wanted to see, since that little shaving of exposure was what he was counting on.
Bottom line—he wanted her. Liked her background on her initial application. Liked her in his follow-up phone call a few weeks ago. Liked her even more now that she was here. Even with her obvious drawbacks, he saw Carrie Kellem as someone with the potential to lead her own team somewhere in the future. That’s what he needed. A strong leader. Not a bunch of rescuers who could get up and down the side of a mountain without any effort, but who had the drive to put everything on the line for each and every situation.
And Carrie...he was positive she’d put it on the line. He had no doubts about that whatsoever.
“Also, I disobeyed orders four times, to be exact. You need to know the truth about me. I’m a lot of things, but I don’t hide the truth. I disobeyed because I’m a trained police officer as well as a paramedic, and my job is—or was, if that turns out to be the case—taking care of people injured on a crime scene, including innocent bystanders and other cops, and sometimes I don’t think it’s best to wait until it’s secured to go in. I can’t help anybody if I’m being sidelined outside the crime scene until it’s declared safe or secured. So I’ve disobeyed orders and gone in when I didn’t have a direct order to do so.”
Carrie shoved her hand through her short-cropped, almost white-blond hair and let out a frustrated breath. “If I’m entering a scene, it’s because someone is bleeding, or screaming. They’re in agony and their life is slipping away from them. My job is to save and rescue them any way I can.” She looked over at him and suddenly her eyes went soft. “When someone needs help, they shouldn’t have to wait for it. Because sometimes it comes too late. I couldn’t live with myself if I was the one who could help them, but didn’t, and they...”
She shook her head, shook herself out of the emotion and back into the moment. “My training, both as a special weapons and tactics police officer, as well as a tactical paramedic, qualifies me to do things that most people aren’t able to do. But I must be let loose to do them. So sometimes I push the boundaries, but if a life is saved in the balance, that makes it worth the hassle I cause because I jumped in too fast.”
“So you’re not a team player?”
“On the contrary. I’m a great team player, but sometimes the team has to change.”
“Meaning you’re not always willing to follow orders?”
“I follow orders, Doctor. I can’t tell you how many field rescues I’ve done, and I’ve only been reprimanded four times.”
“Because you knew better than your supervisor.” Yes, she was a challenge. But was she worth the challenge? Because despite her obvious problem, her supervisor had given her