To Have And To Hold. Myrna Mackenzie
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the force of a sledgehammer.
“The twins.” His words trailed and then picked up. “That’s why you. Ah, of course.”
Her throat convulsed. “Sometimes … it’s hard to be around them.”
Because they reminded her of all she lost.
“I’m so …” He stopped, searching for the words. Everything he considered seemed grossly inadequate. “Thank you for telling me,” he said, and even that wasn’t nearly enough.
“I needed to,” she said, and Noah felt her pull against his embrace. He let her go and she walked back to the seat and dropped into it. “I wanted you to understand that what I’m feeling is about me. Not them. Not you.”
That didn’t sound right. Her resistance, her pain was about him. And the kids. She’d lost her baby—and that loss stopped her from wanting to feel again. Noah could see her struggle. He could feel it. But he wasn’t about to let her walk away from him.
He returned to his seat and grasped her hand. “Callie,” he said gently. “What do you want to happen between us?”
She looked uncertain and he felt panic rise in his blood. He wanted her to say she wanted everything—him, the kids, the life he knew was within their reach. But her silence was suddenly deafening.
Finally, she spoke. “I’ve done a good job of putting my emotions on hold for the past few years. And as much as I’m drawn to you, Noah, I just don’t know if I’m ready to feel again.”
His fingers tenderly rubbed her knuckles as he kissed her. “I’m no expert, Callie,” he said against her mouth. “But if you feel anything like I’m feeling right now, we’re off to a good start.”
She moaned slightly and the sound undid him. He wanted her so much. Needed her so much. He felt like saying something to her, maybe tell her exactly what she meant to him. Something uncurled in his chest, thudding loudly. Liking Callie, desiring Callie had swiftly turned into something else. And this Callie—this beautiful, fragile woman who now trembled in his arms, was suddenly the one woman he wanted for the rest of this life.
“Callie?”
She looked up. And one look did it. One look from blue eyes shimmering with tears.
I’m gone …
The feeling reached right through to every pore in his skin, every blood cell, every scrap of air that filled his lungs when he took a breath.
“Spend Saturday with me,” he said quietly. He kissed her again, slanting his mouth over hers in a sweet, possessive caress and he felt her tremble. “Can you rearrange your lesson schedule?”
“Yes.” She sighed. “And thank you for understanding.”
He nodded. He did understand. She wasn’t a woman to be rushed. And because he’d waited his entire life to feel this way, he’d do his best to give her whatever time she needed.
Wear a swimsuit.
Callie hadn’t asked him why he’d insisted she make sure she had a bikini underneath her clothes for their date Saturday. However, when she spotted two long objects secured to the racks on the roof of his truck she knew why.
She frowned. “Boats?”
“Kayaks,” he corrected and opened the passenger door.
“I don’t really do boats.”
He laughed deliciously. “It’ll be fun,” he said. “Trust me.”
“I do,” she replied. “I just don’t trust boats.”
He told her M.J. had arrived early that morning and was happily in charge of the kids for the day. Jamie had insisted on making Callie a matching pendant to go with the bracelet he’d gifted her and Callie was incredibly touched.
The trip to the boat ramp took about ten minutes and Callie relaxed. The nervous energy she seemed to have around him had disappeared. She felt calm and happy. And Callie sensed she was ready for the next step. Telling him about Ryan had been exactly what she needed to do. It gave her strength and, from somewhere, the courage to dare to imagine a future with the incredible man beside her.
When they reached the boat ramp he passed her something.
“You’ll need to wear this. There’s a ladies bathroom over there.”
He pointed to a concrete block building about fifty meters away. This turned out to be a black, stretchy, sleeveless wet suit that came to her knees and a pair of matching shoes with rubber grips on the soles. Once out of her jeans and shirt and into the wet suit, Callie ran her hands over her hips. With only a bikini beneath, she felt a little deliciously decadent. When she returned to the truck she saw he’d also changed into a similar suit.
It should be illegal for a man to look that good in black rubber.
She watched, feeling rather useless, as Noah unclipped the kayaks from the utility, prepped them for their outing and launched them into the water.
“Ready?” he asked and handed her a sun visor. It looked new, as if he’d bought it especially for her. “Can you swim?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” he said and passed her a life jacket. “Humor me anyway and wear this.”
Callie didn’t argue and slipped the jacket over her wet suit.
“We’ll go up river,” he said. “It’s low tide at the moment. Just stick close by me.”
She didn’t intend to let him out of her sight.
Noah gave her quick but detailed instructions on how to use the single oar and maneuver the craft through the water. Half an hour later they were on their way.
Noah stayed at her pace and they paddled up river, splicing through the water in unison. On either side of the river the mangrove branches twisted and rose up onto the sandbank. Schools of fish crisscrossed below them and some flipped out of the water, delivering a salty spray across her face and arms.
“How are your arms holding up?” Noah asked after about an hour.
“Good. Although I think I’ll be sore tomorrow.”
“We’ll stop for a bit,” he said. “I owe you breakfast for making you get up this early.”
Callie laughed. “Breakfast? Is there a café tucked along here somewhere?”
“You’re sitting on it,” he said, grinning. “There’s a storage compartment beneath your seat. There’s a cooler with food and a thermos of coffee.”
Callie looked between her legs and chuckled. “So, what are you sitting on?”
He laughed. It was a rich, lovely sound. “The first-aid kit. Sunscreen. A spare life jacket. And my phone.”
“You’ve thought of everything.”
“Habit,” he said, and indicated her to turn the kayak toward a smaller secluded inlet. “With kids you have to be prepared for any emergency.”
Noah pointed to a tiny alcove ahead and they oared to shore. He got out first and dragged his kayak onto the sand and quickly helped Callie do the same. Once her feet hit the ground she felt the wobble in her calves and thighs. Noah grabbed her by the shoulders.
“Sea legs,” he said with a smile. “It’ll pass.”
Callie let the warmth radiate through her. His fingers were strong and gentle against her skin. She placed her hands at his waist. That felt good, too. She wished she’d tossed off the life jacket so she could get closer to him. Then he kissed her with all the pent-up passion fuelling the long three days since they’d seen one another.
“Callie,” he whispered against her mouth, before he kissed her cheek and