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As she curled her fingers around the expensive material of his suit jacket, she lifted her chin, silently cursing Andy Montgomery for coming back into her life; hopefully their paths wouldn’t cross again for a while...or ever. He conjured up way too many painful memories. Life with Matt was lighthearted, and she liked lighthearted right now.
* * *
DETERMINED TO ENJOY the evening, Ellie tried her best to make conversation with Matt’s middle-aged client, Jack Noble. She was a bit self-conscious about the length of her skirt, but she didn’t let on. She had been to so many of these dinners since she met Matt that sometimes she wondered if he was only with her to have a trophy on his arm, someone to flirt with his clients in order to weaken their resolve. Until recently it had just felt like a bit of fun; she’d been in control and that had made her feel good. Tonight, though, despite her outward show of joviality, she couldn’t seem to find the right mood. It all seemed so shallow. Smiling at yet another of Jack’s unfunny jokes, she was overcome with the feeling that her whole life was a sham, too. The only real, true thing in her life was her painting. She’d convinced herself that her relationship with Matt was fun and lighthearted, but suddenly it just felt false. A heavy ache began to throb in her temple.
“Look...” She put her hand to her head. “I’m really sorry, but I don’t feel so well. I think I may have to go home.”
She caught a glint of anger in Matt’s gray eyes and grimaced.
“My head is killing me.”
The client was more understanding.
“Perhaps you should take her home,” he said to Matt. “We can do this some other time.”
“No, honestly, I just need some fresh air,” Ellie objected. “You two carry on. I’ll call a cab.”
“Why don’t you try going outside for a bit, then, before you rush off,” Matt suggested, eager to salvage what he could of the meeting.
Ellie was already on her feet. “It’s just a headache, but I do think I’d better head home.” She held out her hand to Jack, who seized it with plump fingers, pumping it up and down. “Nice to meet you,” she said, smiling. “And I really am sorry about this.”
“I’ll call you later,” Matt cut in, making his opinion clear.
The fresh evening air hit her as soon as she left the restaurant and she felt the pain in her head already beginning to recede. Rejecting her plan to call a taxi, she decided to walk the mile or so back to her apartment. By the time she got home, she would probably feel absolutely fine.
Setting off, she listened to the staccato sound of her heels on the pavement. She had become used to living in the city, with its constant buzz and bright lights, but tonight it felt oppressive. She found herself hankering once again for the quiet peace of the countryside. It was all Andy Montgomery’s fault. He’d brought back memories and emotions she didn’t want to feel, but now that he had, she couldn’t ignore them. Reaching into her pocket for her cell phone, she dialed her dad’s number, not really expecting an answer. When his deep voice with its strong Northern accent filled her ears, she was suddenly struck dumb.
“Who is this?”
As usual, he sounded irritable and less than pleased to be disturbed. Remembering how he used to be when her mum was alive, Ellie found her voice.
“Dad?”
“Ellie? Is that you?”
Was she just imagining the lift in his tone?
“Yes, it’s me, your one and only daughter. How are you, Dad?”“
He was quiet for a moment. “Business is good—new stallion’s popular.”
“But how are you?”
“I get by.”
“Dad, I thought I might come see you next weekend, stay a night or two.”
His response was immediate. “You don’t need to.”
“I want to,” she said, meaning it. “So...what’s the new stallion’s name?”
His voice brightened. Her dad never had trouble talking about the horses. “We call him Dennis, stud name Grand Design. He’s giving Blue a run for his money.”
Ellie smiled, recalling how proud her parents had been of their first homebred sire, Into the Blue. His first crop of foals had been born the year before her mother was diagnosed, when everything in their world was still rosy. Grief and homesickness split her in two, and her need to see her dad and all the animals grew stronger.
“I’ll see you next weekend, Dad.”
“Suit yourself. I don’t need help, mind. I’ve got by on my own for the last six years, so what’s different now?”
Ellie hesitated, pondering the question. “Maybe I’m different, Dad...and perhaps you are, too.”
“I’ve got to go. Jake Munro’s here to see me.”
Ellie wasn’t surprised when the line went dead. Nothing had changed there, then. Her dad had never been good with emotion. It hadn’t mattered when she was small because her mum had always had enough for both of them. But now it was just Ellie and her dad.
Taking in her surroundings, Ellie noticed how enclosed everything seemed. Cars and lights and tall, looming buildings. Images of a wide-open sky and rugged hills filled her mind. Her day out in the country and her run-in with Andy had triggered this trip down memory lane. She hadn’t planned on it, but now she felt as if today had released some of her demons. The painful months before and immediately after her mother’s death were difficult to face, but Hope Farm also held the memories of her childhood. For the first time in over five years, she wanted to go home.
* * *
TO ELLIE’S SURPRISE, Matt wasn’t too happy when she told him, the next morning, that she was going to see her dad. They were having coffee together in Costa, and Matt’s reaction took her by surprise.
“But you can’t go,” he announced, a dull flush spreading up his neck.
Normally, they slid in and out of each other’s lives, few questions asked. Her apartment was on the top floor of a run-down Victorian house in the outskirts of the city. She spent almost all of her spare time painting there, while Matt rented a smart penthouse suite downtown. They both loved their own personal space, and despite having been engaged for several months, they had never really discussed taking the next step in their relationship. It was only now that she realized perhaps they just didn’t want to. It never occurred to her that he might object to her taking a trip.
“What do you mean, I can’t?” she retaliated. “It’s not until next weekend, and we don’t have any plans. I really believe it’s time I visited my dad. You can come with me, if you like.”
He rolled his eyes, the flush receding. “You know I hate the country.”
That put her on the defensive. “Well, I don’t, and I’ve been irresponsible for far too long.”
Matt took hold of her hand across the table, a pleading expression in his eyes. “I really need to close this deal, and I’ve arranged to meet Jack Noble again next Saturday night. A pretty face just might push him in the right direction.”
“So basically,” she responded, feeling a prickle of irritation. “You don’t want me there for me, you just want me to flirt with your client. And why can’t you meet him sooner?”
“He’s out of town until then. Why can’t you go see your dad another time?”
Ellie drained her coffee cup and set it firmly on the table. “Because I’ve already told him I’m going on the weekend.”
“It’s not as if he’s going to be bothered if you change your plans, though, is he? You haven’t seen him in ages, and the last time you tried