A Sister’s Courage. Molly Green
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bad will happen to you. It’s a man’s job, she says. I must say I don’t totally disagree, though I think you’d probably be an exception.’
Rage stuck in Raine’s throat. Anger for her father for being foolish enough to lose his money and not strong enough to stand up to his adored wife who had independent means. Fury with her mother for being so narrow-minded and not understanding how learning to fly meant everything in the world to her.
She had a sudden thought and managed to swallow before she spoke. ‘Are we going bankrupt?’
Her father sighed. ‘No. Your mother won’t allow that to happen. But we’re going to have to move to a smaller house.’
The shock almost sent her reeling.
‘But I like living here.’
She couldn’t bear the idea of leaving. Leaving their beautiful Edwardian house in the enormous garden full of trees and flowers with lawn stretching for what seemed like miles when they were children. Where she and her sisters had played hide-and-seek, where they’d kept chickens for years until one day the fox got them. Tender-hearted Suzanne, who refused to eat the chicken Maman had subsequently served, had cried for days until her father built a stronger coop and bought another clutch of hens from the local farmer.
Raine’s heart beat furiously.
‘I’m afraid it’s not up to you, Raine.’
‘It sounds like you and Maman have everything already planned,’ Raine said, not bothering to disguise the bitter edge to her words. ‘Where will we go … and when do we have to leave here?’
‘A family have been to see the house and made an offer. It’s a fair one and will get us out of debt. But there won’t be much over – we’ll have to rent somewhere.’
‘And then what will happen to us?’
‘We’ll be all right so long as we’re careful. You might have to share a bedroom with your sister. And flying lessons, I’m afraid, can’t come into it. You’re nearly an adult.’ He regarded her as though he still couldn’t believe it and shook his head. ‘You should seriously be thinking about a vocation.’
‘What if there’s a war? Everyone talks about it all the time. Another one with Germany. They said as much on Pathé News last night when Sally and I went to the cinema.’
‘I don’t think it will happen,’ her father said, his eyes sad. ‘People haven’t forgotten the last war, a war to end all wars, and Mr Chamberlain secured the current peace treaty when he went to Munich last year.’
‘But a piece of paper doesn’t necessarily mean anything if Hitler’s mad enough,’ Raine argued, ‘and if I was a pilot—’
‘They’d never allow girls … women … to fly,’ her father interrupted. ‘Look at the RAF. They don’t even have a women’s section, let alone women pilots. You’re wasting your time. And you wouldn’t be able to take the discipline, even if they did. Believe me, Raine, I know you better than you know yourself.’ He paused. ‘But I also know something else about you. You’re a very determined young woman. If it’s your heart’s desire and you really want to learn to fly, you’ll find a way to pay for the lessons yourself.’
Raine threw him a long hard look and without another word, leapt up and marched out of the door, slamming it behind her, ignoring his order to come back. She went up to her room, the room she’d had to herself since she was twelve. Her mother had actually allowed her to choose the paint colour and curtain material and even the rug. Would she miss all that? No. She wasn’t sentimental about the house. Not like Suzanne. Raine loved changes, challenges, variety. No, it was because she couldn’t bear the thought of the humiliation. Her father’s humiliation and the family’s.
She sat on the edge of the bed and put her hands to her face. Simply being in her room gave her the privacy she craved. Sharing with one of her sisters? Unthinkable. Her chest coiled as tight as a jack-in-the-box and she was ready to lash out at anyone.
She went over every word of the conversation with her father. Why wouldn’t he tell her how he’d lost a load of money? She supposed he was too embarrassed to talk about it. Or her mother had forbidden him to tell her the truth. And there were two other questions he hadn’t answered: when they were moving and where.
Beaten, she burst into tears.
March 1939
The night before the move Raine heard Suzanne crying through the wall of her bedroom next door. She sprang out of bed and rushed into her sister’s room.
‘Come on, Suzy.’ She put her arm around the shaking shoulders. ‘Come on – don’t take on so.’
‘I can’t bear to leave,’ Suzanne sobbed, the words muffled in her pillow.
‘We’ve got to put up with it,’ Raine said. ‘Dad will get his bills paid off.’ She smiled at her sister, though she didn’t particularly feel like smiling. ‘It won’t be all bad.’
‘But we’re moving miles away … to some village I’ve hardly heard of … away from everyone we know.’
‘You haven’t been concentrating in your history lessons.’ Raine gave her sister’s shoulders a little shake. ‘Downe is where Charles Darwin lived. It might be interesting to see his house. And if you look on the map you’ll see that Bromley isn’t far. There’ll be a bus from the village, so there’s no need to worry about your music lessons—’
‘I’ll have to give them up,’ Suzanne interrupted as she sat up on the bed and sniffed.
‘Why do you say that?’
‘How can Maman and Dad afford them?’
‘They can because Maman has her own money. She won’t let you go without your lessons. That comes before food on the table as far as she’s concerned.’
Suzanne narrowed her eyes. ‘Why would she do that when you’re not allowed to have flying lessons – and you’re the eldest?’
‘There’s only enough for one luxury and you’re the favourite.’
‘Course I’m not.’
‘You are. Always have been. And you’re jolly lucky Ronnie and I don’t hate you for it.’ Suzanne opened her mouth to protest but Raine stopped her. ‘You’re the one who’s really talented. You know Maman’s mania for culture.’ She caught her sister’s eye. ‘Not that we don’t all appreciate your pathetic squeakings on the violin, over and over and over …’ She chuckled and Suzanne giggled.
‘Do I really sound that bad?’
‘Yes,’ Raine said, still laughing, ‘but we’re willing to put up with it because you’ll be famous one day, and we’ll come and watch you perform – and brag to anyone who’ll listen how clever you are.’
Suzanne’s eyes shone with tears. ‘If only that dream would happen one day, but it’s like you wanting to be a pilot. Professional orchestras still refuse to take women – unless you’re a harpist. And even when that miracle happens, you’re kept out of sight in the wings. They don’t even put your name on the programme.’
Raine grimaced. ‘Same old story.’ She looked at her sister. ‘But it doesn’t mean to say it’s impossible, Suzy. We’ll both have to work extra hard to show the men we’re as good, if not better, than they are. We have to keep badgering those in charge until they can’t refuse us. Until then you need to buck up. The sooner we get moved, the sooner we can get on with our lives.’
‘It’s all right for you. You’re much braver than me. I could never argue like you.’
‘You