The Vicomte de Bragelonne. Alexandre Dumas
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grocer, "if your reflections were at all like those which led you to restore King Charles II.;" and Planchet finished by a little laugh which was not without its meaning.
"Ah, Planchet, my friend," returned D'Artagnan, "you are getting ambitious."
"Is there no other king to be restored, M. d'Artagnan—no other Monk to be put into a box?"
"No, my dear Planchet; all the kings are seated on their various thrones—less comfortably so, perhaps, than I am upon this chair; but, at all events, there they are." And D'Artagnan sighed very deeply.
"Monsieur d'Artagnan," said Planchet, "you are making me very uneasy."
"You're very good, Planchet."
"I begin to suspect something."
"What is it?"
"Monsieur d'Artagnan, you are getting thin."
"Oh!" said D'Artagnan, striking his chest, which sounded like an empty cuirass; "it is impossible, Planchet."
"Ah!" said Planchet, slightly overcome, "if you were to get thin in my house—"
"Well?"
"I should do something rash."
"What would you do? Tell me."
"I should look out for the man who was the cause of all your anxieties."
"Ah! according to your account, I am anxious now."
"Yes, you are anxious, and you are getting thin, visibly getting thin. Malaga! if you go on getting thin in this way, I will take my sword in my hand, and go straight to M. d'Herblay, and have it out with him."
"What!" said M. d'Artagnan, starting in his chair—"what's that you say? And what has M. d'Herblay's name to do with your groceries?"
"Just as you please. Get angry if you like, or call me names, if you prefer it: but the deuce is in it—I know what I know."
D'Artagnan had, during this second outburst of Planchet, so placed himself as not to lose a single look of his face—that is, he sat with both his hands resting on his knees, and his head stretched out toward the grocer. "Come, explain yourself," he said, "and tell me how you could possibly utter such a blasphemy. M. d'Herblay, your old master, my friend, an ecclesiastic, a musketeer turned bishop—do you mean to say you would raise your sword against him, Planchet?"
"I could raise my sword against my own father, when I see you in such a state as you are now."
"M. d'Herblay, a gentleman!"
"It's all the same to me whether he's a gentleman or not. He gives you the blue devils, that is all I know. And the blue devils make people get thin. Malaga! I have no notion of M. d'Artagnan leaving my house thinner than he entered it."
"How does he give me the blue devils, as you call it? Come, explain, explain."
"You have had the nightmare during the last three nights."
"I?"
"Yes, you; and in your nightmare you called out, several times, 'Aramis, sly Aramis!'"
"Ah! I said that, did I?" murmured D'Artagnan, uneasily.
"Yes, those very words, upon my honor."
"Well, what else? You know the saying, Planchet, 'dreams go by contraries.'"
"Not so; for, every time during the last three days, when you went out, you have not once failed to ask me, on your return, 'Have you seen M. d'Herblay?' or else, 'Have you received any letters for me from M. d'Herblay?'"
"Well, it is very natural I should take an interest in my old friend," said D'Artagnan.
"Of course; but not to such an extent as to get thin from it."
"Planchet, I'll get fatter: I give you my word of honor I will."
"Very well, monsieur, I accept it; for I know that when you give your word of honor it is sacred."
"I will not dream of Aramis any longer; and I will never ask you, again, if there are any letters from M. d'Herblay; but on condition that you explain one thing to me."
"Tell me what it is, monsieur."
"I am a great observer; and just now, you made use of a very singular oath, which is unusual for you."
"You mean Malaga! I suppose?"
"Precisely."
"It is the oath I have used ever since I have been a grocer."
"Very proper, too; it is the name of a dried grape, or raisin, I believe?"
"It is my most ferocious oath: when I have once said Malaga! I am a man no longer."
"Still, I never knew you use that oath before."
"Very likely not, monsieur. I had a present made me of it," said Planchet; and as he pronounced these words, he winked his eye with a cunning expression, which thoroughly awakened D'Artagnan's attention.
"Come, come, M. Planchet."
"Why, I am not like you, monsieur," said Planchet. "I don't pass my life in thinking."
"You are wrong, then."
"I mean, in boring myself to death. We have but a very short time to live—why not make the best of it?"
"You are an Epicurean philosopher, I begin to think, Planchet."
"Why not? My hand is still as steady as ever; I can write, and can weigh out my sugar and spices; my foot is firm; I can dance and walk about; my stomach has its teeth still, for I eat and digest well; my heart is not quite hardened. Well, monsieur?"
"Well, what, Planchet?"
"Why, you see—" said the grocer, rubbing his hands together.
D'Artagnan crossed one leg over the other, and said, "Planchet, my friend, I am astounded by surprise: for you are revealing yourself to me under a perfectly new light."
Planchet, flattered in the highest degree by this remark, continued to rub his hands very hard together. "Ah! ah!" he said, "because I happen to be only stupid, you think me, perhaps, a positive fool."
"Very good, Planchet; very well reasoned."
"Follow my idea, monsieur, if you please. I said to myself," continued Planchet, "that, without enjoyment, there is no happiness on this earth."
"Quite true, what you say, Planchet," interrupted D'Artagnan.
"At all events, if we cannot obtain pleasure—for pleasure is not so common a thing after all—let us, at least, get consolations of some kind or other."
"And so you console yourself?"
"Exactly so."
"Tell me how you console yourself."
"I put on a buckler for the purpose of confronting ennui. I place my time at the direction of patience; and on the very eve of feeling I am going to get bored, I amuse myself."
"And you don't find any difficulty in that?"
"None."
"And you found it out quite by yourself?"
"Quite so."
"It is miraculous."
"What do you say?"
"I say, that your philosophy is not to be matched in the whole world."
"You think so?—follow my example, then."
"It is a very tempting one."
"Do as I do."
"I could not wish for anything better; but all minds are not of the same stamp; and it might possibly happen that if I were required to amuse myself in the manner you do, I should bore myself horribly."
"Bah!