The Taming of the Shrew. William Shakespeare
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PETRUCHIO
Villain, I say, knock me at this gate
And rap me well, or I’ll knock your knave’s pate.
PETRUCHIO wrings GRUMIO by the ears.
GRUMIO falls.
GRUMIO (to audience, complaining)
My master is grown quarrelsome.
PETRUCHIO mimes knocking on a door three times. At the same time, the CHORUS stomps three times on the floor, as if to make a “knocking” sound.
HORTENSIO wakes up and opens the door. He is happy to see PETRUCHIO.
HORTENSIO
How now! My old friend Grumio!
and my good friend Petruchio!
What happy gale
Blows you to Padua
ALL onstage and offstage cheer.
here from old Verona?
HORTENSIO greets them by grasping their forearms instead of shaking their hands.
PETRUCHIO
Hortensio,
I have thrust myself into this maze,
Happily to wive and thrive, as best I may.
HORTENSIO (looking at audience as if he has just had a great idea)
Petruchio, shall I then wish thee to
a shrewd ill-favored wife?
And yet I’ll promise thee she shall be rich.
(rubs fingers together)
PETRUCHIO
Signior Hortensio, if thou know
One rich enough to be Petruchio’s wife
Be she as foul as was Florentius’ love, makes an
ugly face
were she as rough
As are the swelling Adriatic seas (staggers as if on
a boat in high waves and winds)
I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;
If wealthily, then happily in Padua.
(rubs fingers together and smiles)
GRUMIO (to HORTENSIO)
Why, give him gold enough
and marry him to an
old trot with ne’er a tooth in her head,
(makes an ugly face with a gummy smile)
though she have as many diseases as two-and-fifty
horses. (snorts and stomps like a horse)
HORTENSIO
I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife
With wealth enough, and young and beauteous,
(mimes an hourglass figure with hands) Her only fault
Is that she is intolerable curst,
And shrewd, and froward, so beyond all measure,
I would not wed her for a mine of gold.
PETRUCHIO
Hortensio, peace. Thou know’st not gold’s effect.
I will board her, though she chide as loud
As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack. (looks
up and claps hands to mimic a thunderclap)
HORTENSIO
Her name is Katherina Minola,
ALL onstage yell in fear.
Renowned in Padua
ALL onstage cheer.
for her scolding tongue.
PETRUCHIO
I will not sleep, Hortensio, till I see her.
HORTENSIO (putting arm around PETRUCHIO conspiratorially)
Tarry, Petruchio. I must go with thee,
For in Baptista’s keep my treasure is.
His youngest daughter, beautiful Bianca.
ALL onstage coo.
Therefore this order hath Baptista ta’en,
That none shall have access unto Bianca
ALL onstage coo.
Till Katherine the curst
ALL onstage yell in fear.
have got a husband.
HORTENSIO
Now shall my friend Petruchio do me grace
And offer me disguised in sober robes
To old Baptista as a schoolmaster
Well seen in music, to instruct Bianca,
GRUMIO looks as though he has a great idea. He runs to grab a guitar from under his bench. He proudly hands the guitar to HORTENSIO.
That so I may, by this device at least,
Have leave and leisure to make love to her.
ALL exit back to their benches with HORTENSIO strumming the guitar, PETRUCHIO swaggering, and GRUMIO dancing a jig.
Padua, at the home of BAPTISTA.
Enter KATHERINE and BIANCA from their benches. BIANCA’S hands are tied.
BIANCA
Good sister, wrong me not,
Unbind my hands, I’ll pull them off myself,
Or what you will command me will I do,
So well I know my duty to my elders.
KATHERINE
Of all thy suitors here I charge thee tell
Whom thou lov’st best.
BIANCA
I prithee, sister Kate, untie my hands.
KATHERINE strikes her.
Enter BAPTISTA from his bench. He unties BIANCA’S hands.
BAPTISTA (to KATHERINE)
For shame, thou hilding of a devilish spirit!
KATHERINE