War/Peace - Part II. Clarissa Daisy Huntsman
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. . . Vinny. He's so cute.
CLARISSA
Yeah, but . . .
EMILY
Clarissa! I'm gonna stop you there.
EMILY SMILES. SHE PUTS HER ARM AROUND JULIAN.
EMILY
I think our new friend here is gay.
CLARISSA PUTS A HAND OVER HER MOUTH.
CLARISSA
Oh my god! I'm so sorry. Really?
JULIAN NODS.
JULIAN
Sorry.
EMILY
No. Don't be sorry. This is excellent. We've just established that all three of us are searching for Vinnys. Ha. Wow.
CLARISSA
Yeah. Hey, you should have told us sooner. You don't have a boyfriend, right?
JULIAN
No. My friend back in San Fran was a she. Look, I still think you two are stunning of course . . .
EMILY PULLS JULIAN CLOSE AND HUGS HIM.
EMILY
Say no more gorgeous. There are plenty of gay guys in Salt Lake. A lot of them in their closets, but still plenty. This is so cool.
CLARISSA
Oh my god! A new perspective! I've gotta give Samantha a call. We can totally use Julian's help [6.] with the letter.
CLARISSA PRESSES A BUTTON ON HER CELL AND PUTS IT TO HER EAR. EMILY TURNS TO JULIAN.
EMILY
We're sending a letter to Psychology Today. I'm the main author but we're all contributing [6.]. It's about the experience of meeting a girl from Utah; what does Hara Marano - she edits the magazine - think about it?
JULIAN
That sounds pretty cool.
CLARISSA
Sammi, how are you? . . . That's awesome! Hey, do you have the letter? Have you sent it yet? . . . That's so good! Read out what we have. We might add to it. . . .
CLARISSA LOOKS UP.
CLARISSA
Hey Em, can you type this up?;
I have a question for you which may seem a little odd but I would love to get your opinion as I regularly read your column and think the advice you give is excellent. Recently I met a girl in New Jersey. Age-old tale, right? But there was something peculiar about this girl and this peculiarity - even though I couldn't quite put my finger on the source - was what first attracted me to her. Her dress sense is a little different to mine in that she dresses very plainly, very simply. She's amazingly carefree, vivacious, energetic, playful and fun to be around and I think I may have fallen in love with her. She's so intelligent and always has something interesting to tell me, but not often is it something as fascinating as what she told me just three days after we first met; she's a Mormon and she told me in confidence (though she is aware of and supports me writing this letter) that she is a firm believer in the practice of polygamy, even though she stresses that it is now not commonly practiced among those of her faith. I find this girl fascinating and her philosophy on life illuminating. I am just wondering if my predicament is unusual and what your take on the situation is. Thanks. Smiley face, signed . . . Matt?
EMILY
Should we add something about the problems associated with monogamous relationships?
CLARISSA
Nah. Don't want it sounding argumentative or pretentious. What do you think Julian?
JULIAN
It's so nice. But I think you forgot to mention how friendly the two of you are . . .
EMILY
One. It's about one girl.
CLARISSA
Ha ha. Take your pick.
JULIAN
Yeah. Well, I'm drawn to you two, your philosophy, your way of life, even though . . .
EMILY
Even though you don't wanna have sex with us?
JULIAN SMILES AND NODS.
CLARISSA
And that - my friend - is why your input is extra special. Thanks Sammi. Love you.
CLARISSA HANGS UP AND PUTS THE CELL BACK INTO HER POCKET.
FIRST THEY FEEL A FEW SMALL DROPS, THEN THE RAIN GAINS SOME WEIGHT, LIKE IT'S THE FINGERS OF JOSEPH SMITH GUIDING THE TRIO WHILE UNDER THE CONTROL OF A GREATER POWER. CLARISSA LAUGHS.
CLARISSA
Uh oh.
THE BRAS [4.] ACTUALLY BEGIN TO DISSOLVE.
EMILY POINTS AHEAD.
EMILY
There's Lecca Lecca [5.]! They have shirts! Let's go!
THEY RUN TO THE GELATO JOINT.
AND AS FOR US; A RAINDROP HITS OUR HEAD AND WE'RE KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS BECAUSE WE NO LONGER HAVE ENOUGH INDEPENDENT CONTROL OF OUR BRAIN TO AVOID RAINDROPS. SUCKS TO BE A DUMB MOTH!
******
- International Love - Chris Brown and Pitbull (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdXesX6mYUE)
- Miami - Will Smith (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwBS6QGsH_4&ob=av2e)
- I'm In Miami Bitch - LMFAO (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64sGfoWEN-8)
[1.] Ananthaswamy, A. (2012). Go fly a cyborg moth. New Scientist, 213 (2851), 21.
[2.] Tsang, W. M., Stone, A. L., Otten, D., Aldworth, Z. N., Daniel, T. L., Hildebrand, J. G., Levine, R. B., & Voldman, J. (2012). [Abstract]. Insect-machine interface: A carbon nanotube-enhanced flexible neural probe. Journal of Neuroscience Methods, 204 (2), 355-365. doi: 10.1016/j.jneumeth.2011.11.026 Retrieved February 11, 2012 from http://www.sciencedirect.com/.../pii/S0165027011007035
[3.] Rasmussen, M., Ritzmann, R. E., Lee, I., Pollack, A. J., & Scherson, D. (2012). [Abstract]. An Implantable Biofuel Cell for a Live Insect. Journal of the American Chemical Society, 134 (3), 1458–1460. doi: 10.1021/ja210794c Retrieved February 11, 2012 from http://pubs.acs.org/doi/abs/10.1021/ja210794c
[6.] Weinberger, D. (2012). Why untidiness is good for us. New Scientist, 213 (2851), 30-31.
[4.] Storey, H. [Artist], & O'Callaghan, T. [Writer] (2011). Fashioning the future. New Scientist, 212 (2842), 50-51.
[5.] Lecca Lecca Gelato Caffé (http://leccaleccagelatocaffe.com/)
- Life Is A Rollercoaster - Ronan Keating (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsN5MtKtWcg)
- The Way You Make Me Feel - Ronan Keating (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcTvhRM07Cs&ob=av2e)
- Giancola, S. [Actress, reality star], Polizzi, N. [Actress, reality star], DelVecchio, P. [Actor, reality star], Sorrentino, M. [Actor, reality star], Farley, J. [Actress, reality star], Ortiz-Magro, R. [Actor, reality star], Guadagnino, V. [Actor, reality star], Pivarnick, A. [Actress, reality star], & Salsano S. [Developer] (2010). Jersey Shore: Season 2. [Television series]. 9560 Wilshire Blvd, 5th Floor, Beverly Hills, California: 495 Productions.
******
INT. LECCA LECCA* - DAY
(CLARISSA, EMILY, JULIAN, ENZO, BABE, BOYFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND)