War/Peace - Part II. Clarissa Daisy Huntsman
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IN THE HIGHEST OF SPIRITS, THE TRIO WALK UP TO THE LECCA LECCA [1.] CREAM COUNTER. CLARISSA'S ARMS HIDE HER BREASTS, AND EMILY'S HERS. A TRAIL OF BRA [2.] LINES THE ENTRANCE LIKE COKE . . . LIQUID SPILLED. BEHIND THE COUNTER ARE ENZO AND A HOT BABE WHO LOOKS A LITTLE LIKE ANGELINA (IF ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF ALLITERATION IN THE LOVELY LECCA [1.]). STANDING AT ONE CORNER OF LECCA [1.], LIKE LOVERS, IS A COUPLE; GAZE FIXATED ON CLARISSA AND EMILY, SPECIFICALLY THEIR ARMS.
CLARISSA
You sell shirts, right? We kind of need a couple.
ENZO
Ha ha.
BABE
Oh my. Emergency at Lecca Lecca [1.]!
EMILY
Our bras literally melted.
CLARISSA - WITH ONE ARM STILL HIDING HER BREASTS - TAKES HER VISA OUT OF HER POCKET AND PLACES IT ON THE COUNTER.
CLARISSA
Twelve large actually. Two for us here, and ten for some mates back home. Here's the address.
CLARISSA TAKES A LONE STAR CARD OUT OF HER POCKET AND PLACES IT NEXT TO THE VISA.
ENZO
Twelve shirts?
BABE
Cool. I'll grab your two.
SHE HEADS OUT BACK.
ENZO
Lone Star? You are thinking of adopting our uniform, no?
CLARISSA
If I can convince them. Ha ha. Oh, that'll be savings.
CLARISSA POINTS AT THE SWIPE TERMINAL. ENZO NODS, THEN OFFERS HER A RECEIPT FOR HER TO SIGN, AND A PEN. AFTER A FEW SECONDS OF THOUGHT ("HE COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT STEALING CLARISSA'S SIGNATURE BECAUSE HE ALREADY OWNS AN AWESOME JOINT WHERE JERSEY SHORE [3.] WAS FILMED"), SHE SIGNS. HE GLANCES AT THE COUPLE IN THE CORNER AND THEN BACK AT CLARISSA.
ENZO
Peace and quiet. Wow! Those two were arguing before you stepped inside.
CLARISSA SMILES.
CLARISSA
Another oh-so-happy nuclear couple I guess.
ENZO
Nuclear couples. Ha ha. You have seen Jersey Shore [3.], no?
CLARISSA
Yeah. Of course. We like to laugh at them. What were they like as employees?
ENZO
Like I tell everyone; a nightmare! The only work they really did was for the camera. But the promotion - just what we needed. You will not find better gelato in America. And now everyone knows.
EMILY
Gelato! Of course! Oh my god! - remember that tiramisù at Jamie's Italian in Oxford [5.] with the orange sauce? So good.
CLARISSA
Yeah.
EMILY
I'll have tiramisu, in a cup. One scoop.
CLARISSA
Yeah. Me too. Julian?
JULIAN
Make that three.
CLARISSA
Cups are awesome. They provide more protection than cones.
EMILY
From ice cream?
CLARISSA
Yeah. Obviously. I'm not stupid enough to rely on only a cup for anything else.
CLARISSA AND EMILY LAUGH.
BABE
Two large. Here you are girls. Thank you.
CLARISSA AND EMILY TAKE THE SHIRTS, LETTING THEIR ARMS DOWN IN THE PROCESS. CLARISSA SMILES.
CLARISSA
We're in Miami. What's a bit of flesh every now and then? But now we cover up . . .
EMILY
Because you should always use protection . . .
AGAIN THEY LAUGH.
CLARISSA TYPES HER PIN AGAIN AND THE BABE HANDS HER THE RECEIPT. ENZO PUTS THE CUPS ON THE COUNTER. THE GIRLS PULL THE SHIRTS OVER THEIR BODIES.
GIRLFRIEND
Oh, so now you're looking at me, now that you can't see her breasts?
BOYFRIEND
You were looking too.
GIRLFRIEND
Don't make this about me! You're the one who kissed that girl last night!
BOYFRIEND
She was crying. She needed me. I keep telling you it was the situation.
GIRLFRIEND
That'd be right; you're a typical sleaze just like The Situation [3.]. That why you wanted to come here? To pick up chicks? Couldn't give a fuck about me!
BOYFRIEND
Look, I'm sorry, ok. It won't happen again. Let's get some ice cream. We'll sit down, we'll talk.
GIRLFRIEND
No no no. There is no "we" anymore. Start speaking in first person because "I" am gone.
THE GIRL LEAVES THE STORE.
BOYFRIEND
I'm not chasing you Selena. Fine! Leave. Just don't come running back!
THE GUY PUTS HIS HANDS ON HIS HEAD AND LEANS BACK AGAINST THE WALL [4.].
BOYFRIEND
I think I'll be needing a two scoop tiramisù. In a cone!
EMILY LOOKS AT THE GUY AND WINKS.
EMILY
She's not irreplaceable.
CLARISSA
No one is.
BOYFRIEND
Thanks girls.
JULIAN SMILES.
JULIAN
He kind of looks like Vinny.
CLARISSA HOLDS UP HER CUP AND SIGNALS THE DOOR.
CLARISSA
Wanna join us?
THE GUY NODS. HE PASSES A NOTE TO ENZO.
BOYFRIEND
Sure guys, I'd love to. Keep the change mate.
ENZO SMILES AND HANDS OVER THE CONE.
ENZO
Take care now.
BOYFRIEND
Yep.
CLARISSA
I wanna try a date gelato. I want heaps of dates in my cream.
EMILY AND CLARISSA CHUCKLE.
JULIAN SHAKES HIS HEAD.
THE GUY TAKES THE CONE AND HIS LEAVE; THE QUARTET EXIT THE STORE.
******
- Who Says? - Selena Gomez & The Scene (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzE1mX4Px0I&ob=av2e)
- Irreplaceable - Beyoncé (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EwViQxSJJQ&ob=av2e)