Five Plays. Samuel D. Hunter
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has a nice—?
EDDIE: Sh—Mom—
NICK: Wait what’s happening?
TROY: DAD, JUST BLOW OUT THE DAMN CANDLE ALREADY.
(Everyone turns to Cole. Cole looks at the lit candle in front of him, staring at it. There is a very, very long silence during which we only hear music playing in the background. Finally, Cole blows out the candle. Everyone claps halfheartedly.)
ISABELLE: Yay! Today you’re part of our famiglia!
(Isabelle, Max, and Troy all exit.)
NICK: How long do you have?
EDDIE: Um. We really shouldn’t—
COLE: / I’m done. I’m going to the car to do my word search.
NICK: What are you gonna do?
(Cole gets up and slowly exits. Troy enters, seeing Cole leave.)
EDDIE: / I don’t— . . . I guess I’m not totally sure yet? I’m still working on it—
TAMMY: Fine, we’re staying here and finishing our desserts. You’re seventy-seven for God’s sake, you’re acting like a child.
DORIS: / I told him there’s a new one opening up in Rexburg. He didn’t even apply.
BECKY: Maybe he thinks you’re acting like a child.
TAMMY: Becky, I swear to God—
(Troy enters.)
BECKY: / Stop calling me that.
EDDIE: I don’t want to move to Rexburg, I live here.
TROY (To Tammy): What did you say to him?
NICK: / Maybe it’d be good for you.
TAMMY: Oh my God, he’s your father.
(Troy exits, heading after Cole.)
EDDIE (To Doris): Mom and I’d never see each other.
DORIS: Well.
EDDIE: What? (Pause) Mom, what?
DORIS: I’m just saying it might be good for you, that’s all.
EDDIE: / But I mean we barely see one another as it is—
BECKY: I don’t feel good.
DORIS: / Eddie you’re so sensitive.
TAMMY: Just calm down.
EDDIE: / Listen, maybe we could all do Christmas together this year?
BECKY: I think I need to go the bathroom.
EDDIE: / We could do it here, or we could all go to Saint Paul—
TAMMY: Are you going to make yourself throw up?
DORIS: / Maybe next year, I’m thinking of doing a cruise with Eileen this Christmas.
TAMMY: I’m not going to let you go to the bathroom if you’re going to make yourself throw up.
NICK: Yeah, we’re going to Miami. / We’re just sick of the holidays.
BECKY: Mom, I’m really sick.
TAMMY: If you’re going to make yourself throw up—
BECKY: / Mom.
DORIS: You can afford / another trip after flying all the way out here?
TAMMY: Becky sit down right now.
(Tammy takes Cole’s cake, starts eating.)
NICK: I have money, Mom. I have a decent job.
DORIS: That’s good, I’m saying that’s good. Honestly, Nicky.
(Becky throws up on the table.)
TAMMY: Oh my God, what is wrong with you?!
(Troy reenters, sees the vomit.)
DORIS: Oh that’s going to have a stench.
TAMMY: Troy, could you—?
TROY: Is she okay?
TAMMY: / Troy.
(Troy quickly exits.)
DORIS: Nicky I can’t eat with vomit in the room.
NICK: / Mom, we already ordered.
TAMMY: Get into the car.
DORIS: Eddie, shouldn’t someone be cleaning that up?
EDDIE: Oh, uh. Okay . . .
(Eddie quickly exits.)
BECKY: I told you I was sick.
(Eddie quickly exits. Isabelle enters with salad and breadsticks for Doris, Nick, and Kelly.)
TAMMY: I said get into the car.
BECKY: God I just hate everything about everything.
ISABELLE: Here you go! Entrées will be right out.
(Tammy leaves some cash and pulls Becky out of the restaurant. Troy enters with cleaning supplies and starts cleaning up the vomit. Doris gets up.)
DORIS: C’mon.
KELLY (To Doris): Oh, are we—? Are we going somewhere else?
NICK: Mom, the food is coming, we can’t / just—
DORIS: They can’t expect us to eat food when there’s vomit in the room. There’s an Applebee’s on Ridgemont.
(Nick and Kelly get up.)
NICK: Dear God, this is turning into an ordeal.
DORIS: No more histrionics. No one likes a loud person.
(Doris, Nick, and Kelly exit. There is a moment of silence with Troy cleaning up the vomit and the music playing in the background. Eddie reenters with cleaning supplies. He sees Troy cleaning the vomit, then looks to where Doris, Nick, and Kelly were sitting. The food sits untouched at an empty table.)
TROY (To Eddie): Sorry, Becky, she—. She gets sick.
(Eddie doesn’t respond. He continues to stare at the food.)
You’re the one that wanted the famiglia week.
(Pause.)
EDDIE: I just thought it would be nice.
(Troy looks at Eddie.)
TROY: Look none of the other sections saw her throw up, they’re / not—
EDDIE: It’s fine, really, I’m not—. I just can’t seem to get anything right this week.
TROY: It’s not you, Eddie, it’s just—. Look, it was a nice idea.
(Troy pats Eddie on the back, then exits with the cleaning supplies. Silence. Eddie stares at the empty table. Slowly he moves to the table, sitting down. He stares at the food in front of him as the music continues lightly in the background.
After a moment Nick enters, approaching Eddie.)
NICK: Hey, buddy.
EDDIE: Hey, you—. You guys are leaving?
NICK: I think so? Sorry, you know Mom, she’s decided we have to eat somewhere else, so—. (Short pause) You—doing okay? Kelly thought that something might be wrong, I wasn’t sure / if—
EDDIE: Nah, I’m—. I’m fine.
NICK: Okay. (Short pause) Is there any other place in town to eat other than the Applebee’s?
EDDIE: Not really.
NICK: What about that place on Alameda?