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And since you call’d me master for so long,

       Here is my hand; you shall from this time be

       Your master’s mistress.

       OLIVIA.

       A sister! you are she.

       [Re-enter FABIAN, with MALVOLIO.]

       DUKE.

       Is this the madman?

       OLIVIA.

       Ay, my lord, this same.

       How now, Malvolio!

       MALVOLIO.

       Madam, you have done me wrong,

       Notorious wrong.

       OLIVIA.

       Have I, Malvolio? no.

       MALVOLIO.

       Lady, you have. Pray you peruse that letter.

       You must not now deny it is your hand;

       Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;

       Or say ‘t is not your seal, not your invention:

       You can say none of this. Well, grant it then;

       And tell me, in the modesty of honour,

       Why you have given me such clear lights of favour,

       Bade me come smiling and cross-garter’d to you,

       To put on yellow stockings, and to frown

       Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;

       And, acting this in an obedient hope,

       Why have you suffer’d me to be imprison’d,

       Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,

       And made the most notorious geck and gull

       That e’er invention play’d on? tell me why.

       OLIVIA.

       Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,

       Though, I confess, much like the character;

       But out of question ‘t is Maria’s hand.

       And now I do bethink me, it was she

       First told me thou wast mad; then cam’st in smiling,

       And in such forms which here were presuppos’d

       Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:

       This practice hath most shrewdly pass’d upon thee,

       But when we know the grounds and authors of it,

       Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge

       Of thine own cause.

       FABIAN.

       Good madam, hear me speak;

       And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come

       Taint the condition of this present hour,

       Which I have wond’red at. In hope it shall not,

       Most freely I confess myself and Toby

       Set this device against Malvolio here,

       Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts

       We had conceiv’d against him. Maria writ

       The letter at Sir Toby’s great importance;

       In recompense whereof he hath married her.

       How with a sportful malice it was follow’d

       May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;

       If that the injuries be justly weigh’d

       That have on both sides pass’d.

       OLIVIA.

       Alas, poor fool, how have they baffl’d thee!

       CLOWN. Why, ‘some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them.’ I was one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but that ‘s all one. ‘By the Lord, fool, I am not mad’; but do you remember? ‘Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? and you smile not, he ‘s gagg’d’: and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

       MALVOLIO.

       I ‘ll be reveng’d on the whole pack of you.

       [Exit.]

       OLIVIA.

       He hath been most notoriously abus’d.

       DUKE.

       Pursue him, and entreat him to a peace.

       He hath not told us of the captain yet;

       When that is known, and golden time convents,

       A solemn combination shall be made

       Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,

       We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;

       For so you shall be, while you are a man;

       But, when in other habits you are seen,

       Orsino’s mistress and his fancy’s queen.

       [Exeunt all but the CLOWN.]

       CLOWN.

       [Sings.]

       When that I was and a little tiny boy,

       With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

       A foolish thing was but a toy,

       For the rain it raineth every day.

       But when I came to man’s estate,

       With hey, ho, &c.

       ‘Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,

       For the rain, &c.

       But when I came, alas! to wive,

       With hey, ho, &c.

       By swaggering could I never thrive,

       For the rain, &c.

       But when I came unto my beds,

       With hey, ho, &c.

       With toss-pots still had drunken heads,

       For the rain, &c.

       A great while ago the world begun,

       With hey, ho, &c.

       But that’s all one, our play is done,

       And we’ll strive to please you every day.

       [Exit.]

      

       THE END

      THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA

       Table of Contents

      By William Shakespeare

      DRAMATIS PERSONAE

       DUKE OF MILAN, father to Silvia

       VALENTINE, one of the two gentlemen

       PROTEUS, one of the two gentlemen

       ANTONIO, father to Proteus

       THURIO, a foolish rival to Valentine

       EGLAMOUR, agent for Silvia in her escape

       SPEED, a clownish servant to Valentine

       LAUNCE, the like to Proteus

       PANTHINO, servant to Antonio

       HOST, where Julia lodges in Milan

       OUTLAWS, with Valentine

       JULIA, a lady of Verona, beloved of Proteus

       SILVIA, beloved of Valentine

       LUCETTA, waiting-woman to Julia

       SERVANTS, MUSICIANS

      

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