Josephine Cox 3-Book Collection 2: The Loner, Born Bad, Three Letters. Josephine Cox
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come in … come in,’ the old fella said. He opened the door wide and allowed her to pass. ‘I’ve just made a brew. There’s plenty in the pot for two.’
Highly pleased to see her, he busied himself in the kitchen while she followed him around, merrily chatting and asking about everything; other than what she really wanted to know.
But Joseph sensed what was on her mind, and as they returned to the parlour, he bade her sit down. Handing her the cup and saucer, he sat himself facing her. ‘I’m sorry, lass, but there’s still no news of our Davie,’ he said.
The girl’s heart sank. ‘What’s happened to him, Joseph?’ she asked quietly. There were tears in her eyes. ‘Why haven’t we heard from him, in all this time?’
Joseph shook his head. ‘I only wish I knew.’
‘Do you think he’s all right?’
The old man took a moment to answer. ‘I reckon so, yes,’ he said at length. ‘I’ve thought and thought, and deep down inside I’ve got a good feeling about him. Y’see, lass, our Davie were allus a sensible lad – made to grow up afore his time, what with his mammy behaving the way she did an’ all.’
‘So you really think he’s alive and safe?’ She trusted Joseph’s instinct.
‘I do, lass, yes, I promise.’
‘And do you think he’ll ever come home?’
‘Well now, young Judith, your guess is as good as mine on that score.’
There were times when Joseph gave up hope of his grandson ever again setting foot in this house, and then there were other times when his heart and bones felt him walking down the street, tall and accomplished and grown into a man, ready to forgive those who had hurt him the most.
‘Sometimes at night, when I can’t sleep, he comes strong to my mind.’ Joseph spoke his thoughts aloud. ‘I worry about him all the time. Where did he go from here? Did he stay safe? And if he is safe, why did he never get in touch?’ He gave an odd little shiver. ‘I have to think that he made it somewhere safe. I can’t let myself believe he did anything silly, or that he came to harm in some way or another. Y’see, if I let myself think that way, it would take away my hope and finish me altogether.’
The girl understood what he was saying, because didn’t she feel the very same way?
‘Joseph?’
He took a sip of his tea. ‘Yes, my dearie?’
‘Will Don ever go after him, d’you think?’
‘Aye, lass, one o’ these fine days he’ll go after him, when he’s good and ready.’ He took another sip of his tea. ‘Mind you, he’s already been to the authorities … trying to stir them into re-opening the search. The trouble is, it’s been five years and more since Davie ran off. He were nobbut a young kid then, but now he’s going on nineteen, and that does mek a difference. They tried to convince Don that Davie didn’t want to be found – not then and not now. An’ of course, it’s no crime to leave home, is it, pet?’
‘And do you believe that, about him not wanting to be found?’ She had thought along those lines herself.
‘I’m not sure what to believe,’ he answered thoughtfully. ‘Time and again I’ve tried to put myself in his shoes and think what I might have done.’
‘And would you have made a new life away from here? Would you never want to come back?’
‘Happen I would … happen I wouldn’t. All I know is this: if my father walked out on me, and my grandfather threw me out on the streets, I don’t know as I could ever forgive them. And then to have his mammy die in his arms …’ Joseph’s heart broke as he thought of what Davie must have gone through that night. ‘Dear God, lass, what a terrible thing for a young lad to bear.’
For a time his words weighed heavy in the air, and in the silence, the two of them were carried back to that awful night when all of their lives had been changed for ever.
‘Don is desperate to find him.’ Joseph broke the silence. ‘He’s had a bad time himself, since he found out what happened. He’s had no peace … terrible nightmares, pacing the floor unable to sleep. When he’s done with work, he’s out on the streets at all hours, asking after Davie, talking to anyone who might listen – showing them a description of his lad, asking if they’ve seen him. Or whether they have heard of a boy on his own. But no one has, or if they have, they’re not saying.’
‘So he hasn’t been able to find out anything?’
‘Nothing whatsoever.’ Joseph took in a deep, long breath. ‘It’s as if our Davie’s fallen off the edge of the world.’
‘So, what will Don do next?’
‘Oh, he’ll still go after him.’ Joseph had no doubts about it. ‘But he needs to build his strength up first. He needs to sleep regular and feel settled inside, afore he sets off scouring the country looking hither and yon.’ Leaning forward, the old man confided in Judy, ‘There were times soon after he came back, when I feared he was losing his mind. He woke me in the early hours, chiding himself, talking to Davie, pleading with Rita … asking their forgiveness. He’s still driving himself too hard, still blaming himself. I’ve told him: Rita had enough warnings and never once showed any remorse – not till it were too late, anyway! Any other man would have walked out on her years back, but my son-in-law won’t have it. He misses her so much, is grieving so badly. And then he works all hours, hellbent on saving enough money so’s he can take time off work and go after his lad. He’s worried about me an’ all – says as how he has to make sure I don’t go without while he’s away. An’ even now, after he’s done his work and had a bite to eat, he’s off till midnight, travelling miles on his old pushbike, asking the same questions: “Have you seen my son? Is there news of a young man on his own?”’
He paused a moment. ‘I tell him to take it easy, to give himself time to breathe. But he doesn’t know how to.’
Now that old Joe had given her the full picture, Judy was shocked. She had had no idea the situation was that bad. ‘Wouldn’t it be best if he went looking for Davie now,’ she asked timidly. ‘He could find work along the way, and could send you money every week, couldn’t he?’
‘I suggested that, lass, but he’s got a first-class job here in Blackburn, and he’s already building a little stash of money to see him through. A few more months, he said, and he’ll be ready to leave.’
‘I suppose he’s right.’ The girl could see the sense of it. ‘Besides, Davie’s been gone for so long, I expect his dad’s thinking a few more months won’t make any difference.’
‘That’s exactly right, lass. But still, he’s like a cat on hot bricks. If he doesn’t get his rest and stop blaming himself, he’ll go under – and then where will we be, eh?’
He knew from first hand how guilty Don felt – for didn’t he feel the same way, too? He wished there was more he could do to help him, but there wasn’t. ‘Much as I love Davie, I have to accept that he is Don’s son and not mine. So I’ve come to the conclusion, it’s best to leave Don be and let him do it his way. He has a fair-enough plan worked out, and it’s only right that he should do as he thinks best.’
‘So, when does he think he’ll be able to go in search of Davie?’
‘Like I say, he reckons on a few months. So what I think is, he’ll work right through the winter until next spring, and then he’ll up sticks and be off. I’ll be lonely when he’s gone, I can tell you that, lass. But if he’s got Davie alongside him when he comes back, it’ll be worth every minute I spend on my own.’ He chuckled with delight. ‘By! The day I see yon Don walking up the street with our Davie beside him, it’ll be a sight for sore eyes, that it will.’
‘Oh, Joseph, that would be so wonderful,’ Judy murmured, her voice shaking with emotion.