Leashes and Lovers - What Your Dog Can Teach You About Love, Life, and Happiness. Sheryl Matthys
Читать онлайн книгу.
of Leashes and Lovers as something like a language conversion book. But instead of converting Spanish to English or English to French, we’re converting what your dog has to say about relationships into understanding and actions, so you can develop and implement natural and organic changes into your lifestyle and relationships right now (much as our dogs do by “living in the present”). So if you’re ready – if you’re willing to learn how to unleash your inner dog and let your dog be your guide – a whole new way of understanding awaits you and your dog.
Dogs want to understand you as desperately as you want to understand them. Why do you think they’re always standing at your feet, watching your every move? They’re waiting for your “aha” moment; that epiphany when you’re finally getting their language.
CHAPTER 1
Hand Over Your Leash
While at a dog run in New York City, I asked Penny, a fellow dog owner, if she thought there was a difference between dog lovers and non-dog lovers. Penny said vehemently, “Either they’re doggie people or non-doggie people, and doggie people are just more fun. And I think people who are brought up with dogs are more open as well.”
So since you’re a dog person, I believe you are open to giving this a try. Want to change yourself for the better? Want to know why some relationships fail and others flourish? Or why your regrets about the past tend to color your future relationships? The secret to inner knowledge, emotional healing, and healthier, more rewarding relationships is probably slobbering all over your shoes at this very moment.
That’s right; it’s time for a new direction in how you view your relationship with your dog, which will lead you toward improving your relationships with others. Don’t think owner and pet; don’t think master and beast; don’t think pack leader and follower – in this instance, think friend and partner; think counselor and co-conspirator; think guru and apprentice when it comes to creating, understanding, and experiencing better relationships with others.
According to the 2008 National Pet Owners Survey, more than 74 million dogs are pets here in the United States, owned by about 45 million people. About 39% of U.S. households own at least one dog, according to The Humane Society of the United States. That’s a lot of people, and a lot of dogs.
If you consider the possibilities with an open mind, you and your dog can embark upon a serious and committed journey to better understanding and healthier relationships, not just with each other, but with everyone you come in contact with on a daily basis.
Bosses, coworkers, boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, acquaintances, dates, spouses, kids, family and friends; all of these relationships – and so many more – can be influenced and improved merely by opening up the door to stronger, longer communication with your dog. Not as the leader in this instance, but as the follower; not as a provider, but as a partner; not as the teacher, but as the student – once you allow your dog’s innate qualities to be your relationship guide.
It’s a new philosophy: to “Hand Over Your Leash,” metaphorically speaking. We’re used to being in charge, not relinquishing control – especially to, of all things, a dog. But think about it for a minute...have you ever heard of a dog getting involved in a nasty divorce? How about refusing to speak to his brother or sister for ten years, betraying his friends, being disloyal to his owner, or embarrassing a pal at the dog run? Ever heard of a dog having a mid-life crisis or a nervous breakdown? Or getting sued for misappropriated funds or insufficient ethics?
Okay, so maybe I’m oversimplifying, but am I really? What’s so wrong with cutting the fat, getting down to brass tacks, and stripping away the hype? We covet a “dog’s life,” with emotion bordering on envy. Why can’t we covet a dog’s “social life” with equal gusto? Take the plunge!
For years we’ve thought the correct relationship with our dogs was to lead instead of follow, punish instead of reward, and talk instead of listen. I’m suggesting you twist that age-old wisdom on its head and turn listening into an art.
The Art of Listening
It begins with listening. As a certified dog trainer with a B.A. in psychology and master’s in communications, I spent many hours studying how to actively listen. In fact, I may go so far as to say that everything I know, believe in, and trust is a result of listening, and everything you’ll learn in this book hinges on your ability to communicate through listening.
Listening is an art. Partly, this is a reactionary statement, for I’m not sure listening was an art – or even needed to be – in the days before television, radio, Walkman, CDs, DVDs, iPods, Blackberries, Bluetooth, and smart phones. Today, merely getting someone’s attention can be a Herculean task. Listening? Forget it. You might as well be speaking a foreign language.
But not so with your dog. Your dog has perfected the innate, wondrous, and energetic art of listening. The best part is that it comes so easily to dogs. They are sensual beings; they delight in the senses. They love textures – the feel of a new shoe, throw pillow, eco-friendly pull toy, or rawhide chew. They desire within to smell, touch, taste, see, and hear. Tastes are their color palette. Watch a dog sniff out, lick, and then devour greedily something it enjoys, yet then completely ignore and act aloof to that errant pineapple chunk that just hit the floor. And, sure, we all know dogs are expert smellers, but what you might not know is that they are exceptional listeners as well.
Not just for sounds – like the subtle tear of a bag of treats, the mere jiggle of their leash, or the UPS man at the front door – but they also “listen” for emotions, tears, fears, and jeers. Much as a dog will perk up at the scent of frying bacon, so too will she round the corner unexpectedly if she senses that you’re crying, laughing, yelling, down in the dumps, suddenly silent, or sniffling into your pillow. Dogs teach us that listening includes an open, receptive, unguarded mind and heart in order to hear what’s being said as well as what’s not spoken.
Leslie Irvine, a sociologist at the University of Colorado at Boulder, and author of If You Tame Me: Human Identity and the Value of Animals’ Lives, explains, “If an animal is living with a person for a number of months or years, that animal will know when that person is experiencing tension or when the person is relaxed, or when the person is angry – much in the same way that we know when our human friends would be feeling those emotions.”
To think that dogs can comprehend so many of the complexities of human emotions without “speaking our language” – to say nothing of not being able to read a dog-training manual – makes them even more expert in the art of listening. But they can’t do it alone. To effectively foster communication you must be an active and willing participant.
To that end, I want you to strive for these four goals after reading this book:
1. Appreciate the art of listening: Accept that listening is the key to understanding, and humble yourself enough to recognize that as a modern human being you may have lost some of your skill set in this demanding arena. It’s not your fault; we are taught that he who speaks loudest or most or last wins. But when communicating with your dog in order to learn to become a better communicator, it’s