Leashes and Lovers - What Your Dog Can Teach You About Love, Life, and Happiness. Sheryl Matthys
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holiday celebrations, our family gatherings, our social outings, and nowadays even our weddings.
For example, when talk show host Montel Williams married his fiancée, Tara Fowler, they had a very unusual ring-bearer: Mr. Max, the couple’s one-year-old black Toy Poodle, who wore a ring-pillow attached to his hindquarters with a harness.
People may come in and out of our lives, but our dogs remain a constant part of them. We may have relationships with friends for 10, 20, 30+ years, and even though we’re lucky if we get ten years with our dogs, we may feel more connected during those relationships than during those with our friends.
In an article entitled “Surprising Health Benefits for Pet Owners,” Patricia Wagner writes, “American Animal Hospital Association President, Link Wellborn, believes that pets are more than just a member of the family – they’re central to a healthy lifestyle due in part to their companionship.
Pets help lessen tension between family members and add a lot of fun and unconditional love to the homes in which they live. When pets do cute and funny things – which they often do – family members react by laughing and being more relaxed.”
A dog’s companionship knows no bounds. It is absolutely limitless in its capacity to influence our own comfort. They are always there at the ready with a warm, wet snout, a sloppy kiss, or to play or be cuddled. They don’t make excuses. They don’t get headaches. They don’t screen calls, hide behind the front door when we knock, or dodge down another aisle when we catch sight of them in the grocery store. They are steadfastly there for us. We humans, on the other hand, never quite seem content; we run away from commitment, chase after the unattainable, and wonder why we aren’t happy.
What’s more, dogs truly make you feel like a wanted companion. They are actively eager to make your acquaintance, even if all you’ll be doing is lying around all day. Humans tend to take relationships for granted. We need our “space,” we want more “freedom,” we want to be “independent,” and so we discount our relationships, deny our companions, and ignore those we love the most, assuming they’ll always be there.
Tennis star Monica Seles says her dogs always make her feel like a winner. Monica said to me, “They’re always happy to see you. After the pressure of a day, it’s so nice to come home and – no matter if I won my match or lost my match – they treat me the same way. They love you regardless.”
For dogs, every day is their first day and their last. They wait patiently for us and then are excited beyond belief when we decide to share some companionship with them. They wake up with a blank slate; it’s a new day – let’s play! If only we could treat all our companions as the gifts they are, instead of – as we sometimes do – like burdens, we, too, would enjoy what it truly means to have a true companion!
Dogs truly make you feel like a wanted companion... If only we could treat all our companions as the gifts they are.
CHAPTER 3
How to Bark When Spoken To
Silence is more than just the lack of sound. In the right hands, silence can be salve for your wounds, a place for you to grow, a doorway to enlightenment, and even a classroom for those of us seeking stronger, longer human relationships. Try sitting quietly with your dog for a few moments; you can practically feel your blood pressure go down.
Kristie Leong, a physician and author of many popular health articles, explains, “When you’ve had a bad day, a dog can often sense your fatigue and apprehension. He may quietly come and sit beside you, nuzzling his wet nose against your hand. There’s no need for words. His presence is enough even in his silence.”
But how can silence help us communicate more effectively? After all, silence is the lack of communication, right? Wrong. Silence is merely the lack of sound. And if dogs can teach us anything, it’s that you don’t need sound to communicate.
Yes, dogs bark to let us know a stranger is approaching, whine to let us know they’re hungry, growl in the presence of danger, or are vocal simply because it’s in their bloodline, such as with herding breeds. This is far from silence, but those are just a few examples of how dogs use sound to enhance, not replace, effective communication.
Studies show that your words account for only 7% of the messages you convey. The remaining 93% is non-verbal (55% of that based on what people see and 38% on voice intonation).
Think about it... You are saying the most to people when you are not speaking. Unless you are a master of disguise, you are constantly sending messages about your true thoughts and feelings, regardless of whether you are using words. Our dogs can read and sense our nuances on a deeper level. They read our human, non-verbal communication of submission, aggression, or even happiness by our postures and facial expressions.
Think of how your dog nuzzles you for affection, tugs you into playfulness, gives you those “puppy dog eyes” when begging for food, or even that “hang dog” expression when he’s done a number on your favorite rug. Dogs aren’t just experts at body language, they are masters at communicating without sound. While communication among animals of the same species is common throughout nature, communication between species is less frequent, which is what makes it even more interesting that dogs can read us so well.
International Dogs – Universal Language
I traveled to St. Maarten in the Caribbean years back, and as we drove through the towns I noticed stray dogs just about everywhere. Many appeared gaunt and lonely. Later, when we were on the beach, several dogs were there as well. So I put out an ice bucket filled with water near my beach chair and some approached. When I went to take a walk, a couple of large mixed breed dogs and a Rottweiler joined me, and before I knew it, a whole pack had surrounded me. But instead of fear, I experienced a sense of tranquility as I continued with my walk. They seemed to seek out a human who was kind and open to having a relationship with them. They didn’t ask anything of me but to be in my company.
I walked with them and learned from them that day with no expectations. One by one, even more dogs quietly tagged along on our walk. Some passersby seemed concerned and even afraid, but I wasn’t. These dogs – none of them had a collar on so I didn’t know if or where they may have had a home – seemed happy, and they made me smile all over.
When I returned to my beach chair, a couple of dogs stayed with me all day hanging out – so ready to be my friend and companion even though we had just met – and all due to a pat on the head, a sip of water, and an open heart. Our simple walk left an indelible impact on me – to relax, listen to the peace, welcome others with an open mind, embrace an alternative reaction, confront fears, and enjoy the moment. It was all they had and they were happy.
Three Steps for Communicating More Effectively – Without Ever Saying a Word
It is my belief that, by engaging in more silence more often, we, too, can become more effective communicators, particularly with our human counterparts.