Leashes and Lovers - What Your Dog Can Teach You About Love, Life, and Happiness. Sheryl Matthys
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think less than generously, and it’s important to acknowledge when we’ve done wrong.
Throughout this book I repeatedly stress the point that dogs are more than just our willing companions. They can also be our deliberate tutors, mentors and guides – if only we’ll relinquish the misguided vanity that tells us we always know what’s best. Maybe you do always know what’s best; if so, great. But let’s be honest – and even a bit humble – with ourselves and admit that we don’t have all the answers. Further, let us concede that well-balanced dogs are theoretically shining examples of how to give and when to take, of how to communicate and when to listen, of how to love and be loved.
If you’re having trouble being happy, take a cue from your dog! Your dog knows how to be content, happy, fulfilled... and he doesn’t need expensive jewelry, fancy clothes, or a night out to do it. We want our dogs to always be polite and acceptable in social situations and to not jump all over others. Let’s behave in the same manner our dog does in an optimal meet and greet. Be polite even when you may not want to be.
You can know yourself better. You can have better, longer-lasting, and more fulfilling relationships if only you’ll unleash your inner dog. You, too, can learn the secrets to great relationships from your very best friend.
All you have to do is try.
And, of course, heel...
Five Reasons To Get to Know Your Dog Better
Dogs have an inner wisdom that can help us start new relationships and heal old ones. Their curiosity, their joy of discovery, their willingness to be picky when necessary and whimsical when appropriate makes them wonderful spiritual guides for relationships old and new.
In Sharon Sakson’s book, Paws & Effect: The Healing Power of Dogs, she notes several case studies in which dogs seem to detect cancer. In one particular case, a woman was sent to London dermatologists by her dog. She had a mole on her leg that she thought was a cosmetic issue, and not worth removing. But her half Border Collie, half Doberman Pinscher was not content with that diagnosis, and had been sniffing and fussing about the mole for some time.
“...No matter how many times she ordered her dog to stop, the canine kept coming back. At first, she laid the whole thing off to an obnoxious dog and her own bad dog training. Then came the startling moment one summer day, when she decided to work in her garden in shorts. This meant the mole was exposed. Her dog pounced on her and nipped at the mole, trying to bite it off. She had to push her strongly to get her away. That shocked her. Her dog had never attacked or bitten her before. In reconsidering the incident, the woman realized that she had other moles on her body, but the dog completely ignored these.”
A biopsy revealed that her mole contained a malignant melanoma – a deadly form of skin cancer – that could have spread rapidly. The researchers, Drs. H. Williams and A. Pembroke, concluded that the dog could detect through scent that this mole was cancerous.
Regardless of whether or not your dog can detect cancer, we all have our own personal stories about how our dogs have known things about us that no one else observed – even spouses, lovers, or our best friends.
One day at the Madison Square Park Dog Run in New York City, my own Greyhound, Shiraz, sensed that a homeless man nearby was having a seizure. None of the other dogs or any of us humans realized what was happening or even noticed him, as he was mostly hidden by some bushes. I was socializing while she pawed at my leg, snorted at me, and then repeatedly headed over to the bushes. After a moment, I excused myself and followed her reluctantly, thinking I’d find a squirrel. Instead I found the man in full seizure, and called 911.
An ambulance soon appeared and rushed him to a hospital so fast we park goers didn’t even get to tell them it was Shiraz who just may have saved his life. We don’t know what happened to him, but Shiraz didn’t care who he was or where he came from, she just knew in that moment he needed help, and she was going to make sure he got it. After the commotion, Shiraz went back to lying on the pebbles as usual – not seeking accolades or even a treat, but just because her work was done.
Think about it...how often have our dogs comforted us when no human would lend a helping hand? When they care for someone, they don’t consider looks, income, background, or social status. How often have human relationships failed us while our canine relationships stood the test of time? Our dogs have a lot to teach us about foregoing prejudice and becoming better human beings toward one another.
In the book and movie, Marley & Me, even the seemingly uncontrollable Marley gently placed his head in Jenny Grogan’s lap and stayed there when he sensed she needed solace after her miscarriage. Shiraz did the same for me after my first one, cuddling in bed and remaining steadfastly glued to my side all day.
So far we’ve learned to embrace the sounds of silence and to “unleash our dogs” so they can lead us, instead of vice versa. Along the way you’ve seen HOW your dog can help you, now it’s time to find out WHY it’s so important to get to know your dog better:
1. Your dog can be the key to better relationships: Dr. Phil is renowned for asking, “How’s that working for you?” Well, if in regard to relationships your answer is, “Not so great,” you’re most likely looking for a little oomph in the relationship department. Let’s think of some of those honorable doggy traits from Chapter 2 that we talked about adopting as our own: Humility, Intimacy, Playfulness, Trust, Loyalty, and Companionship (Hip TLC), and ask ourselves, “What would my dog do?” From now on, this question will prompt us to take a deep, yoga-style breath, calm our thoughts, lessen our negative thoughts, consider our options, and introduce humor, compassion, understanding, the silver lining, and love to the situation. Have trust and faith that your dog’s way of incorporating these traits into your life can shed some light on the matter.
2. Dogs offer a fresh understanding of how the world works: Dogs are on a different schedule than we are; their timetable is singular. They take the time they want or need to learn a new skill or trick, sniff out a stranger, or simply circle their doggie bed until they find just the right spot. While we have necessarily different priorities, what do we have to lose by slowing things down just a bit, looking more closely, and gaining a new understanding of how the world works? Think about how we’d treat people better, listen more – even listen more closely – if only we could slow things down a smidge more.
3. Dogs embody the joy of discovery: Too often we treat relationships as if they’re over before they start. We’re so jaded by former breakups and broken hearts that we refuse to believe that this time – this time – will be different. Without holding on to past indiscretions or times when you may have felt victimized, treat that potential relationship as a new beginning. Dogs do this all the time. They act like every walk is a new walk, every meal is a new meal, every day is a new day. That’s not to say they don’t remember, but they don’t dwell on past experience each time a new one is presented. It doesn’t matter if they’ve taken the same walk six times today or twelve times this week – they’ll find something new to discover, enjoy, and explore. This “joy of discovery” is the secret to starting a new relationship or reestablishing old ones on the right foot.
4. Dogs offer us the insight and enthusiasm to jump-start new, old, and existing relationships: Dogs are curious – endlessly so. They sniff and wander and take the long way home. We walk in with grocery bags and they act like we’re Indiana Jones returning with some lost treasure. We bring over a friend, even one they’ve met before, and they might as well be the canine version of Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt. What if we could approach new and existing relationships with this refreshing, endless curiosity, joy, and enthusiasm? What if we weren’t so jaded about the dating pool in our town, and instead approached every new blind date, double date, or second date as a great opportunity to meet someone new and try something different? What if we weren’t affected by a bad childhood and didn’t allow history to repeat itself? What would