More Toasts. Various
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it."
They are mighty proud of their one sky-scraper up in Seattle.
It is a long, skinny building that stands on one leg like a stork and blinks down disdainfully from its thousand windows on ordinary fifteen-story shacks.
A San Francisco man recently in that city was incautious enough to express surprise.
"What are those posts sticking out all the way up?" he asked a Seattleite.
"Those are mile-posts," said the Seattle man.
A gentleman from Vermont was traveling west in a Pullman when a group of men from Topeka, Kansas, boarded the train and began to praise their city to the Vermonter, telling him of its wide streets and beautiful avenues. Finally the Vermonter became tired and said the only thing that would improve their city would be to make it a seaport.
The enthusiastic Westerners laughed at him and asked how they could make it a seaport, being so far from the ocean.
The Vermonter replied that it would be a very easy task.
"The only thing that you will have to do," said he, "is to lay a two-inch pipe from your city to the Gulf of Mexico. Then if you fellows can suck as hard as you can blow you will have it a seaport inside half an hour."
BOLSHEVISM
"The reason you disapprove of Bolshevism is that you don't understand it."
"Probably. Every time I get with Bolshevists and think I am beginning to understand, they start a riot and take my mind off the subject."
There's just one thing the Bolshevik in America can do well—he can dampen the fire under the Melting Pot!
Bolshevism—A blow-out on the tire of world-politics.
BOOKS AND READING
A student assistant, engaged in reading the shelves at the public library, was accosted by a primly dressed middle-aged woman who said that she had finished reading the last of Laura Jean Libby's writings, and that she should like something just as good.
The young assistant, unable for the moment to think of Laura Jean Libby's equal, hastily scanned the shelf on which she was working and, choosing a book, offered it to the applicant, saying, "Perhaps you would like this, 'A Kentucky Cardinal.'"
"No," was the reply, "I don't care for theological works."
"But," explained the kindly assistant, with needless enthusiasm, "this cardinal was a bird!"
"That would not recommend him to me," said the woman, as she moved away in search of a librarian who should be a better judge of character as well as of Laura Jean Libby's peers.
Books are the legacies that genius leaves to mankind, to be delivered down from generation to generation, as presents to the posterity of those that are yet unborn.—Addison.
"Are you interested in a loose-leaf encyclopedia?"
"Nope, got one."
"Indeed! Whose?"
"The Britannica."
"Didn't know they published a loose-leaf edition."
"Huh! You ought to see mine after the children had used the volumes as building blocks a few years."
A dressy lady asked one of the assistants for an up-to-date story such as "Women men love" or the "Adventures of Anne." The assistant selected a story which she thought this type of reader would appreciate. After a few minutes the dressy lady again appeared with the book open, and pointing to a quotation on the title page said "I would like this book or any other by Proverbs." The astonished assistant read the quotation which was, "who can find a virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10.
"How far have you studied, Johnny?" inquired the teacher. "Just as far as the book is dirty, ma'am."
Our youngest borrower is a little boy of three who reads surprisingly well for one so young and selects his own books from the children's room. The other day, however, his mother complained that lately he has become "lazy" and refuses to read. As we stood talking the little chap ran joyfully toward her waving a picture book that had been made at the branch and said, "No words Mother, no words."
If this is borrowed by a friend
Right welcome shall he be;
To read, to study, not to lend
But to return to me.
Not that imparted knowledge doth
Diminish learning's store,
But books, I find, if often lent,
Return to me no more.
"Books are keys to wisdom's treasures;
Books are gates to lands of pleasure;
Books are paths that upward lead;
Books are friends, come, let us read."
When I consider what some books have done for the world, and what they are doing, how they keep up our hope, awaken new courage and faith, soothe pain, give an ideal life to those whose hours are cold and hard, bind together distant ages and foreign lands, create new worlds of beauty, bring down Truth from heaven; I give eternal blessings for this gift and thank God for books.
Mr. Dooley says "Books is f'r thim that can't inj'ye thimsilves in anny other way. If ye're in good health, an ar-re atin' three squares a day, an' not ayether sad or very much in love with ye'er lot, but just lookin' on an' not carin' a rush, ye don't need books," he says.
"But if ye're a down-spirited thing an' want to get away an' can't, ye need books."
1921—"Did you see that movie called 'Oliver Twist'?" FROSH—"Yes, and say, wouldn't that make a peach of a book?"
Young Isaac stood in line at the library to draw out a book. When his turn came he asked, respectfully, "Please give me Miss Alcott's Jew book."
The young lady looked puzzled. "A book by Miss Louisa M. Alcott?" she queried.
"Yes," reiterated Isaac, "her Jew book."
"Can you remember the title?"
"No; but it's her Jew book," he insisted.
"Well, I'll read over some of the titles of her books to you, and perhaps you can tell me the one you want when you hear it read." Patiently she began, "Little Women, Little Men, Under the Lilacs, Rose in Bloom—"
"That's it, that's it!" cried Isaac—"Rosenbloom."
A MAID (handing up two books to a library assistant)—"Will you change these two books, please, for Mrs. Crawley-Smith?"
ASSISTANT—"Are there any others you wish for?"
MAID—"No. Mrs. Crawley-Smith doesn't mind what they are so long as they have big print and a happy ending."
Hard to Find
LIBRARIAN—"What kind of book do you want—fictional, historical, philosophical—?"
PATRON—"Oh, any kind that H.G. Wells hasn't written."
LIBRARIAN—"We have none!"
BOOKSELLERS AND BOOKSELLING
William