Space: one hundred one story of surrealism. Рим Дик
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cows lived, they ran to the table, cut themselves, lay down on the pan, seasoned themselves with vegetables; potatoes, carrots, onions, garlic and peas. People, meanwhile, ate, smacking their lips and saying what good cooks are. It used to happen that Monroe would come in to eat a goose stew, the rams would take out knives, cut those, marinate them in sauce, stew them in a roaster, and serve them on the table. If, however, the meat did not go well into the stomach, the goose meat pulled out its arms and pushed off the walls of the trachea to fall into the bottomless crater of acid. When people, after two, I tell you God, days, defecated, the geese flew out of the fecal ditch, regenerated back into birds, and made their way to the farms where they were killed, only to be back on the table. Imagine what self-sacrifice in the name of saving the hungry. Such would be miracles, but in Australia and Africa,
If you put on a baseball cap, the baseball cap will slide down the body, and you will disappear under it, falling into a fairy tale. And if you swing and throw yourself into the water, the baseball cap becomes a ship. If you say, casually, that you have a fat ass, you will become Kilimanjaro. Yes, yes, everything is strange, but what is strange when everything in the world is so simple. If you jump from a plane, you can see how you become a pancake, and if you lie down on the road on the highway, you can see how mincemeat is made. If you hit the rhino on the nose, you can notice that in addition to three holes, there is both the fourth and the fifth, and if you put a bandwagon of the elephant, then the Niger will not help you. Even Niger will not help Negro if Niger is fighting with a niger.
Clouds. We fly through the clouds and see unusual animals jumping outside the porthole, so unimaginably delightful, just imagine. They jump so high that they hit the moon with their heads and sing that today is a better day than yesterday, ten times better, can you imagine?
And here I presented. But not only unicorns, kangaroos and coyotes jump there, but the most unusual of them – such as centaurs, well, how could it be otherwise if they are not animals, well, people, you agree?
They jump so high that the moon trembles from a thousand heads striking it. And a huge gnome lives on that moon, this gnome was born there a long time ago, I don’t even remember what century it was – I know for sure that this gnome loves animals, so much so that he invites them to live with him, promising them delicious food and grass. In addition to the centaur and the minotaur, of course, no one agrees, but how could it be otherwise, who knows who this dwarf really is.
You sit on your chair and wonder why you looked at the sky so often and didn’t see them because you were so grown up and distracted by all the nonsense around you. In an instant, you wanted to change, remembered how as a child you dreamed of becoming a dragon or an eagle, flying high up and shitting on those who were against you. Today, you left all your affairs to rest and rushed forward, through the clouds, cutting them on the plane – only you cannot fly to them, and they cannot enter the plane to you – they do not even see you, because they were not told that there are adults in the world, besides children, who can see them. They themselves saw the children and waved either their tail or their hooves and said hello to the children, accompanied them with shouts and flew away towards the sunset.
The children laughed and rejoiced. But there were also adult children among them, when the little ones pointed a finger at a unicorn and said how beautifully it chews a marmalade cloud, they did not see anything and simply twisted their finger around their temple and said that it was time for them to see a psychiatrist to be cured. But childhood does not need to be cured, it was childhood that gave us happiness, well, really… Can you imagine how many adults who are unhappy because they have become adults, they are interested in money and how many people will come to dinner, how big their hall and house will be, how much acres to reach beyond the horizon of their land, that’s all!
And then… the unicorns flew over the horizon, and the most fascinating animals appeared in the sky, and not even animals… fish of different sizes, perches, crucian carp, dolphins and sharks, jellyfish and killer whales swam among them, among them were stingrays and jellyfish- dwarfs, skates and a thousand more clown fish, they circled in a round dance and turned the sky into a real holiday – fireworks from them, this is the best thing the children have ever seen. And there were fireflies among them that shone, and flew up to the porthole and circled outside the window until they were called crickets, composing a song for them, come here, something cool has been prepared for you here. They flew away, followed by hummingbirds, they often liked to fly through the sky and catch these fireflies, but today was a different day – a day of piety and friendliness. These are the things that are happening in heaven, but only adults forgot a long time ago,
Somehow you may be lucky, and you will believe in miracles at the age of forty, at a hundred years, when you are still alive and your mind is not busy earning as much as possible, and achieving as much success as possible – everything in this world is beautiful, even without the money that you save up all your life – it’s so simple.
One day, flying like this in the sky on an airplane, you will fall asleep, and when you wake up you will see purple frogs jumping on your clothes, then do not be afraid, everything is fine. In fact, only you can see them, otherwise all people would have long since jumped from their seats and panicked, not even an hour, and then the plane will fall – these are magic frogs, they do not come to adults and boring people. Rejoice. Just for a moment you began to believe in miracles, and miracles are all around you. Many of them will jump on the floor, chameleons will run along the walls, hummingbirds and jellyfish will run through the window, and below, the whale swims so majestically, waving its fin so hard that the clouds rush over the horizon forty times faster than ever.
From under the wires of the garlands – who lived there in the country of the Lilliputians; a brush flew out and began to chirp that he did not agree with the hand of the padishah holding his ass. After all, he is, you know, straight and against fisting! Drowning himself in the toilet, he doesn’t like it, you see. And who, pray tell, likes it, except maybe a dog named “Moo-mu”. He also played such BDSM games with Gerasim, went fishing and drowned, they really enjoyed it. They say that Mu-mu drowned himself with his paw by the hair in order to get more adrenaline. With the other hand he beat himself on the second, but the second was cruel, laughed and bit, throwing the first hand into the urn near the shore with piranhas. A dwarf-nose lived in the lake, on his hump they danced break-dance and tango. Each time returning to life, the dog barks at people, provokes anger, and asks them to drown him in a basin in the bathroom. His silky hair would then jump on his back, blown by the wind of diamonds. He loves it, except he can’t die, his head hits the floor, and he’s sniffing the dust left behind by Flash last week when he ran after Ant-Man in search of the microverse on the flea’s back.
Yorshik beat the padishah’s hand until the padishah stuck his head into the toilet and scribbled marmalade from the walls of the zombie city. The zombies there were scary, they were toothy, terribly screaming, stretching their paws and trying to eat marmalade before the brush. Yorshik ate them by their impudent paws, and there is no other way to get rid of these infections. Mr propper cries when he sees them. Even he cannot wash their dirty faces.
– Yes, you choke! – spitting zombie arms and legs on the crocodile’s back underwater. He sat at the bottom of the toilet and read the newspaper “Komsomolskaya Pravda” spreading his paws on a deck chair, smoking a Hawaiian cigar made of worms. He smiled contentedly, laughing as he turned the page to another. So it was, I swear to you the life of cockroaches all over the world! Yes, so that they all die, if I’m lying! Yes, cake in my mouth! The same thing, they immediately believed, they still doubted.
If only Aunt Motya, the most insidious of all turtles in the world, knew that his son spends his money like that, she would return and beat him with a belt of chainsaws and sharp saws. And then I would sell leather on the black market for shoes. Blondes from Moscow are very turned on by crocodile skin. They even die when they stroke the skin of a crocodile. That’s how much they love each other.
And here, a beautiful deer lived in Narnia, he ran away from there that week, went out to Kazan, wiped the snot from his face